Well if ever there was a reason to recklessly abandon tea and convert to coffee, last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was it! Does tea just bring out the worst behavior in everyone – or is that wine? Or is it actually just that 3/4 of the people on this show are hideous specimens of humanity?
So Lisa Vanderpump tried to make amends last night. She took all her fancy British etiquette and tried to apply it to unscrupulous famewhores. Logic fail! She began with Splits Richards, whom Lisa had always believed to be a fun person, a friend, but underneath all Kyle's layers of caftans and hair lie a woman possessed. Possessed with the desire to be important and relevant – and most importantly famous. Enter Reality TV.
Then Lisa tried with Adrienne Maloof who was let out of the cryogenic freezer before her face fully thawed to socialize with the ladies. Adrienne's equally unappealing friend (and Kyle's Doppelganger) Faye Resnick was also hauled out for the unappetizing occasion. More on that thoughtless and repulsive decision later.
If there's one thing to be said about Yolanda Foster it's that she doesn't mince words! The newbie Housewife emerged on the scene to sweep a scrutinizing eye over the ladies ofReal Housewives of Beverly Hills and their rather questionable behavior.
Unsurprisingly Yolanda has found much to be amazed by – and that's not a compliment. On a recent girls trip to Vegas she found herself surrounded by dinner guests behaving badly when all she wanted to do was sip some tequila and enjoy her dinner. In her Bravo blog Yolanda gives her two cents on all the drama and the constant fighting round the table.
"I don't know Adrienne very well because she never reached out to me, but I have observed her behavior and she comes off quite arrogant. Again she is belittling Brandi [Glanville]'s business to empower herself, and I find it very unattractive and unproductive."
Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
The women of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills seem to be following in the footsteps of their Bravo counterparts. Every day one of them is giving an exclusive interview, and usually at the expense of one of their cast members. Now Camille Grammer is hoping that the hatefulness will end. Or at least that's what she's saying so that she'll stay in the tabloids.
Adrienne Maloof is also working overtime to make sure that she remains relevant, and what better way to do that then to keep reminding us of her May-December romance with Sean Stewart. Enough already! She actually goes so far as to call herself a trendsetter. Yes, you read that correctly. And no, I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night marked a lot of positives for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. One those being that there was absolutely no Taylor Armstrong drunken drama to report. And the ladies went to Las Vegas and GOT. ALONG! *gasp* Of course, being that this is Bravo and they like to traumatize and put us through undue emotional strain, there were also some drawbacks. Namely she whose face melts like a crayon left in the sun. Versions 1 & 2!
Things begin with Yolanda Foster, her fridge, her lemonpalooza, and her Hermes belt hosting an anti-aging conference. Yolanda explains that scary plastic surgery zombies who pump their faces full of toxins need to accept that aging is natural and that moving one's face is too. I think we just discovered why Yolanda doesn't like Adrienne Maloof or Faye Resnick - she doesn't agree with their "grooming" habits or the fact that even while crying, screaming, and attempting to smile their faces look like blobs of dough with eye and nose holes.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe Mrs. Foster4.0 is immune to the needle of 'tox. That forehead is awfully smooth for a woman of her age. I don't believe lemons are solely responsible for her refined pores. Do you?
Among the accusations Camille levies at Lisa she accuses her of not really owning Sur. Well, that's kinda true! Lisa doesn't own Sur outright – she has two business partners – and they are featured on Vanderpump Rules.
We also saw Lisa meeting with them on last season's RHOBH when she was renovating Sur, and Lisa announced them as her business partners. Oh the scandal! #sarcasm
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!