Last night was the season finale of Below Deck. Valor whooshed into the dock for the very last time – at least it didn’t crash! Captain Lee Rosbach sent off his motley – literally – crew into the choppy seas and looked forward to a blue horizon filled with competent people. Unless Bravo has anything to do with!
Of course the last gasps of drama were still washing up onto the beach, little bottles with messages that people stopped caring about long ago. Well, all people except Jen Howell. And one little pirate of hearts who swashbuckled his way home – I’m talking about Nico Scholly. And aren’t all my sailing metaphors just as horrific as he is?!
It is the most wonderful time of the year! Not only are there great reality TV shows on right now, but also the winter holidays are coming up! This means that your favorite reality stars are getting festive, picking out and decorating their Christmas trees and attending big parties. They’ve shared some great photos for this week’s Instagram Roundup for their fans and followers to enjoy.
It’s time for Captain Lee‘s weekly crew member comments! The Valor captain breaks down each person’s performance on this week‘s Below Deck charter and, as always, he mixes sincere critique with some blunt advice.
On Jen‘s ridiculous antics, “You may not be the worst drunk person I’ve ever observed, but you are in the top 5 no doubt. You have a mean streak that really jumps out after a couple of pops. Kate was totally correct – had I witnessed your behavior, last charter or not, you would have been walking down the dock.”
Let’s see: Jen has generally sucked at her job, publicly called her boss, Kate Chastain, a whore, gotten sloppy drunk once, or twice, maybe thrice, entered the book of world records for slowest latte making, was sexually harassed, but NOT sexually satisfied as she so desperately wants – instead Yachterella constantly bemoaned that she never gets taken to any balling, luckily Jen also gave herself an orgasm over dinner! She’s also thrown her chief stew under the propellor to guests, fought with Brianna Adekeye, resurrected the Jan Brady hairstyle one flowby at a time, and most recently scratched Bruno Duarte. A small part of me feels like Jen and Tom Cruise are soulmates – now that she’s officially too slut shaming for Kyle Dixon.
It’s Jen Howell‘s world and we’re all just sailing through it! Or at least that’s what the worst stewardess in Below Deck history seems to believe!
Interactions between Jen and Kate Chastain are still strained after their ‘whore – no you’re the whore’ argument from last week. Jen doesn’t care though – she’s gonna be the best stew she can be (which means the worst stew Kate has ever seen) and she has a new ally in Kyle Dixon. Or so she thinks.
Unfortunately, reality TV shows do not bless us viewers with new episodes every single week. Thank god for social media to fill in the gaps between seasons or just to give the fans a glimpse of what was happening behind the scenes to provide us with some additional content. This week’s Instagram Roundup of reality star photos does not disappoint.
On last night’s Below Deck, we lost one crew member and gained another. Well, I use the word “gain” loosely, Jen Howell and Kate Chastain needed an HR rep to review sexual harassment policies. Support each other, ladies – no slutshaming aboard the 5-star Valor! And Nico Scholly made a miraculous recovery.
Poor Nico is in his bunk, all by himself, flexing his hand while tapping on his iPhone just waiting for Brianna Adekeye to check his temperature. Instead Jen and Bri are in hula gear at 1am, faced with a mountain of dishes that gives Jen delirium and psychosis. She’s talking more gibberish than usual, and she’s pretty sure that butter knife turned into a talking seahorse. What was IN that dinner Matt Burns made? It sure wasn’t happy juice!