Last night was the season premiere of Below Deck Mediterranean Season 3. The scene is set among the beautiful Italian coast, but that’s where the classiness ends!
This year Captain Sandy Yawn will be steering a massive new boat and she has a matching massive attitude. The Motor Yacht Talisman Maiton, for all it’s sensational size, kind of resembles a Marriott on the inside; all dark, heavy colors and dreary overdone rooms. Perfect to match Hannah Ferrier‘s sulkiness as she returns, once again, to the life of a chief stew. Hannah is turning 30 and is tired of serving eggs for ungrateful guests while her own go stale. She is at a precipice and must decide to give up her heart to the high seas, or retire and find Mr. Right. Maybe she could combine these things by marrying a pirate?
The love triangles on Below Deck Mediterranean Season 2 made it such an entertaining season to watch. Week after week, the story lines took unexpected twists and turns, so it would make sense to assume that a majority of the cast would return for the show’s third season.
However, that is not the case since it is basically a whole new cast on the third season.
After an entertaining and tumultuous season sailing around Croatia, the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean is on dry land and ready to face the emotional pirates of their past voyage. Heading up this charter is a take no prisoners when it comes to love, Andy Cohen, who wants nothing more than to get to the bottom of Chef Adam Glick’s heart. Over and over, we have to relive Adam’s take on Malia White, the one that got away, although she’s really less of “the one that got away” and more of “the one who played two guys like a pro and ended up with the other, who she may or may not be dating still (but we all know she is)”. You’re not fooling anyone, Malia! Just because you come to the reunion dressed like you’re on the Real Housewives of the Croatian Seas, doesn’t mean you get to play the same coy games they do.
Before Andy dives in, he starts with a few ice breakers like, who is still working together? Wesley Wiz Walton and Christine “Bugsy” Drake, who is finally the Chief Stew of something besides her own fantasy world. Who would be Hannah Ferrier’s perfect interior crew? Julia and Tiffany from last season and Lauren Cohen from this season, despite the fact that she talked crap on Hannah the whole time. How did Captain Sandy Yawn feel about Adam mistaking her for the Chief Stew? It doesn’t bother her, she is used to it and she thinks it’s fun to surprise sexist chefs who are too proud to follow a preference sheet people.
We have officially reached the end of the road with Below Deck Mediterranean for another season! Tonight we get just one reunion episode to rehash things and let the cast give extended explanations regarding their behavior, their charter guests and the charter season overall.
Malia White, Wes Walton, and Adam Glick are given a chance to hash out their love triangle. Malia will cop to leading on both Wes and Adam, but tries to justify the why. She does reveal that she and Adam never had sex, although nobody is giving Andy a straight answer on exactly what they consider “sex”.
After what felt like an unusually long charter season on Below Deck Mediterranean, we have finally arrived at tonight’s finale. Between all the hook ups, shifting friendship alliances and overdramatic fights, it’s hard to remember what the dynamic was even like at the start of the season. But one relationship we couldn’t forget (since it dragged out over every single episode) was the love triangle between Chef Adam Glick, Bosun Wesley Wiz Walton and Deckhand/Heartbreaker of the High Seas Malia White. And in case you thought the day would never come, it’s judgement day for Malia. Well, sort of. I have news for all of you Malia haters out there – you might be disappointed at the end of this.
Try as he might, Adam is unable to get Wiz-Golly-Shucks-I-Really-Like-The-Girl to truly give a damn that he is being played like a Croatian fiddle by Malia. I don’t even know if there is such a thing as a Croatian fiddle but if there is, Wiz is being played like one. Adam has not only prepared his speech to Wiz but he also did some “cross referencing” of dates, texts and locations of Malia’s tongue so that he could be fully present all of the evidence to Wiz to make sure he does not befall the same fate as Adam’s poor little broken grown-man heart. I mean, really, does Adam just have the worst case of being a sore loser or what? Well, maybe not the worst, as you’re about to see with The Milkshake Man later this episode, but Adam is close.
On Below Deck Mediterranean, love is kind of like a game of musical chairs – there’s a lot of changing things up and one person is always left out. You can count Chef Adam Glick as the current left out party of one and that is not sitting well with him. Now that he knows he has lost his pre-charter/sort-of relationship with Deckhand Malia White to her boss, Wesley Wiz Walton, he figures it’s time to stop moping and start showing the receipts! As the musical chairs keep on moving, tonight might just be Second Slobber on Deck Bobby Giancola’s chance at love with one of the guests. Never mind that it was only a few episodes ago that he was busy roasting Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier for kissing a guest, Bobby want love and Bobby need love (use your best caveman voice when reading), so it’s OK, right?