Reunions… so draining! There is rarely any fresh drama, there is a lot of preening about how certain slights are the worst slights ever-ever, while other people's feelings just cannot compare. And it's just a lot of back-n-forth nonsense. Even Andy Cohen was visibly annoyed last night. Clearly he has reached the same point the rest of us have with the Richards sisters, meaning just stop whining! Go do your splits and rambles on another show.
Before that Andy calls Brandi Glanville out on doing something to her cheeks. She denies all the fillers and claims her cheeks are real. She makes Kim touch them. Kim tentatively reaches a trembly hand out and pokes gently, before laughing nervously about how it feels like skin. Like her werepuppy. I feel like this is the first human contact Kim has had since the late-90's. Andy side-eyes Brandi.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Joyce begins, "Hola MisAmores! Last night was my Queen of the Universe event, and I am so happy with the turnout. We had a full house of supportive and loving friends, family, and fans. I am truly thankful!!! I want to especially thank my beautiful friends and Housewives, Kyle [Richards] and Lisa, who supported me. It meant the world to me that you were there and served as judges to decide the Queen of the Universe 2014," adding, "Last week I told you all that I would make an announcement at my event. I am proud to say that all the hard work and the efforts in my charity will pay off this year as I am opening my first Kindergarten for children in need in Senegal, Africa. Like I said last night at my event, I can't wait to see the smiles of all the children who so deserve a chance to a better future, which we can only grant them through education. That has always been my dream and I thank God that soon it will become a reality."
In her Bravo blog, Lisa Vanderpump dives right in on the first part of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. What's better than your everyday fabulous Lisa? A Lisa that's snarky, pissed off, and not going to take it anymore! After her co-stars unsuccessfully tried to vilify her this season, Lisa has decided to take off her gloves and come out swinging. She spends the majority of her diatribe chastising Yolanda Foster for crying about Hollywood friends, but she saves her best jabs for former friend Brandi Glanville…and the best part? She never even gives Brandi the recognition by using her name. It's perfection.
The RHOBH star begins, "Hello to you all again. An earthquake this morning. That was pretty violent as things crashed around us, seems to be an indication of what lies ahead today.And here we have the first part of the trilogy that wraps up our fourth season, a season that will forever be etched in my mind as where you have all been promised to see the exposé of my true character…"
After opining about her shopping trip to Crystals 'R Us to stock up calming objects to combat the negativity of the reunion (all of the women should have followed her lead!), Carlton begins her Bravo blog, "Let's face it, I think I have said all I have had to say this whole bloody season. Nothing held back. I really don't want to repeat it again. Honestly I have no regrets. I've said everything that was on my mind. Made it abundantly clear who I like and who are trolls that belong under a bridge. I wished deep in my heart that you had truly gotten an enlightened view about my faith and beliefs, without the dumb background music. Introduced you properly to my incredible husband and family on the level that I deal with everyday, my beautiful and talented girlfriends who I love and only want the very f—ing best for, and my gorgeous nanny who I trust the lives with all of our three children."
Since it was mostly a bunch of squabbling about tit-for-tat and tampon strings, let's make this quick and dirty! I'm gonna start by paying Snarlton Gebbia a compliment. She looks good! Less Wicked Witch Of The Tanning Bed and more Human Flesh who feasts on food and not the blood of innocents.
Right out of the gate Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville are at it over whether or not Lisa lived in Calabasas at some point and filed for bankruptcy. Lisa says no, but according to the $9.99 background check Brandi did on www.stalkurfriends.com (the same site that tricks you into thinking you'll be able to see who's reading your FB page!) Lisa like so did have an address in the valley. Lisa rolls her eyes. Then Brandi claims SPLITS Richards told her about the Kalatrashass living and Ken's financial past.
I'd been crossing my fingers that Kaftan Kyle Richards would be returning to Witch Mountain with sister Kim. However, some insiders are claiming that she is hoping for a pay raise along side new friend Brandi Glanville, former friend Lisa Vanderpump, and lemon loving Yolanda Foster. There's strength in numbers even if those numbers can't stand one another, I suppose!
Seriously what was happening last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Did the producers slip some hallucinogens in Yolanda Foster's virgin vodka soda with a twist of lemon? Or maybe she was just experiencing a "Lyme brain" flare-up?
We're all at the Centennial party for the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce's most embarrassing day. Kyle Richardswas MOTOBOATING people. I mean, really…? I am quite sure the acting president was forced to resign after this party!
Also, this was the worst collection of finale dresses I've seen in seasons and seasons. Did Kyle"Motoboating" Richards look in a mirror because that was the most unflattering slumpy thing I've ever seen her wear! And Joyce Giraud needs to teach this Splits to pageant walk.
She begins, "Back to Puerto Rico…Kyle seems so hell bent on an apology from Lisa — for what? Is she seriously demanding this huge, blown-out-of-proportion apology from Lisa for allegedly saying 'take the tabloid' regarding Kyle's husbands alleged affair? Really, are you joking? Did you also demand that same apology from Brandi [Glanville] too? Just curious? Good God, give it a bloody rest."