I'm just gonna say it – I'm over this crap. Yep, I just called Real Housewives of New Jersey "crap" so nana-nana-boo-boo. Look I'm as mature as the castmembers now!
So last night was part one of the so-called "epic" season finale. It was pretty much rehashing of last season's season finale except there will be actual fist fighting. So they took last season and made it more trashy! Lovely, Bravo. Really just lovely.
Before all that, we were rendered temporarily deaf by Melissa Gorga attempting to sing. While I was holding my head and cringing, Bravo threw Penny Karagiorgis, her Wal-mart extensions ripped off from a Barbie Halloween costume, and Teresa Giudice shrieking at each other in my face.
It's a miracle I did not spontaneously combust right here on my non-made-of-marble sofa while drinking my non-fabellini alcoholic beverage. Maybe next week…
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Above: Jenni Pulos shared, "Just died and went to heaven and Hello Kitty is flying me there!"
It's official! TheCaroline Manzo spinoff is full steam ahead! Caroline, Albert and their kids,Albie, Chris and Lauren, will be filming a pilot for Manzo'd With Children. “It’s one crowded house filled with personality, laughter and ham… in both pig and honey-baked forms.”
The show will follow Caroline, the “ringleader of the crazy circus that is her Italian family." Along with the immediate Manzo clan, it will feature Caroline's sister Fran. I had a feeling about that one since she was featured on a previous episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.
We all had a feeling that Bravo was setting them up for a spinoff all through season 5 – and we were all right! The show isn't a "for sure" thing. Once the pilot is filmed, they'll make a decision whether or not to pick it up for a full series. Manzo'd With Children is just the working title of the potential series.
Let's hope they get a different editing team for their show than the one working on RHONJ right now.
TELL US – WILL YOU TUNE IN TO SEE WHAT'S IN STORE?
So last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey the producers teased us with progress, yet again, but then we all ended up right back where we started with some sort of family drama nonsense.
Gaaawd. Gawwwwwd. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd. It's all sooooo boring. We don't care. And you know what, it doesn't even seem believable anymore. Ugh. That's like all I have to muster. Recap over. Bye! Just kidding, but I'm gonna go ahead and say the highlight of last night's show was Penny Drossos-Karagiorgis' 10 foot long ponytail extension from the My Little Pony Weave Collection! Seriously that synthetic tail she was sporting was the color of Kraft Mac & Cheese and looked like straight up plastic Easter grass. As RuPaul would say: 'Grrrrrrrrllllll…'
My other favorite part of the episode: Melissa Gorga's "singing". Her music career is about as believable as Penny's hair. Alright let's dive in!
So Teresa Giudice is pimping out Skinny Italian foods. She's got some sort of "store" where she has all the packages displayed. Is it edible? Apparently she's saving pasta from being boring by dumping a bunch of love in some pre-packaged rigatoni. Whatever. The real point of this meeting is so she can discuss the Melissa drama with her mom and mother-in-law. I'm not gonna snark – the mommies are adorable. They encourage Teresa to invite Joe and Melissa for a family lunch. Alls good now… for less time than it takes to boil a pot of spaghetti!
In her Bravo blog, Caroline addresses the multiple family bonding, therapy sessions, and misguided team-building exercises. It was so much more believable when these folks weren't getting along? How much more passive aggressiveness between Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice can the viewing audience take? Give us (and the poor therapy horse!) a break, Bravo!
The Manzo matriarch begins by stating the obvious, writing, "The past two episodes of RHONJ were pretty intense, wouldn't you agree? As promised, the viewing audience witnessed a few very real and emotional moments from cast members that you would least expect, my husband Albert being one of them. I'm not gonna lie, that knocked me for a loop, I wasn't expecting that at all."
Teresa first shares that she and her cast mates are competitive, "Zen tennis wasn't very zen for me because I'm too competitive. I think we all are! And I've never played tennis before in my entire life. Swear! But it was fun and great exercise — a full body workout! I really like it. Maybe when Audriana goes to school, I'll take lessons or something." Not sure if they'll offer those in federal prison? But what do I know? They might!
Teresa is very blunt about her frustration with the editing of this week's episode, blaming Bravo for skewing certain things, slamming Melissa for Tweeting nonsense and calling Caroline a liar.
She starts off sharing that she loved and hated the episode. She first says what she liked about the episode (and throws digs at Melissa right out of the gate), "I loved it because I really loved the entire experience in Arizona. I love new things. You didn't see me making fun of the counselors or putting it down or whining in bed because I really appreciated everything about it. Part of life is to keep learning new stuff, and I love that. I was open to everything: the drums, the psychic, the horse, the high-wire. We were there to get some healing, and I was ready. I was tired of crying! Some good vibes and happiness were welcome!"
Therapy by Bravo continues, y'all! This time involving a poor innocent horse in its nonsense.
Last night the intransigent Real Housewives of New Jersey gang continued their journey to togetherness in Arizona. While some people seemed to really be soaking in all the free psychological healing Bravo was throwing their way, others really dug their heels into the delusion. I'ma lookin' at you Teresa GiudiceandMelissa Gorga!
Things begin with Melissa complaining that there's too much like progress happening. She croaks out that she's much prefer to sit by the pool and hock up phlegm while drinking cocktails and rocking yet another fringe bikini. Instead they'll be heading to a horse barn for a therapeutic exercise about being vulnerable and trusting others. Melissa wonders if she can wear a fringe bikini.
Outside JacquelineLaurita is relaxing with some spiked orange juice and talking to husband Chris about Teresa's "karma" comment. Jacqueline obsesses over whether or not Teresa was making a dig. Chris doesn't seem to think she was but admits that one never knows with that tricky Teresa. And he's known Teresa since the days when Jacqueline was a lowly Vegas stripper so he's kinda like an expert on Tre's crazy, thanks to Dina.