"Sean Lowe and one of his final two sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes a televised reality dating competition, then comes marriage, then comes…" Yeah, this isn't quite working out as I'd planned. I guess the nursery rhyme didn't take modern day fame-whore-dom romance into consideration when singing about baby carriages. Who makes out in a tree anyway?
Things are heating up as the Bachelor season draws to a close. Will Sean find true love? Will he propose? If so, will he be able to keep it in his pants until saying "I do"?
ABC is constantly out-doing itself by touting the "most dramatic" or the "most romantic" or the "most shocking" rose ceremonies/hometown dates/proposals in Bachelor franchise history. I would have appreciated the network's stance even more had it just been honest for once. If Chris Harrison told me it was going to be the "most vanilla" season in the franchise's history, I would have still tuned in every Monday. ABC needs to give its viewers more credit. We're creatures of habit. No matter how much we never again want to see anyone making out in a hot tub or handing out a rose, we'll still be there. Count on it.
Sean Lowe! Is that a long-tail boat you have there or are you just happy to see me? Sean sails into Thailand to forgo sexy times with his three remaining bachelorettes – Lindsay Yenter, AshLee Frazier, Catherine Guidici – in the Bachelor fantasy suite. They go to the suite, but instead of the normal sexy times, Sean and his ladies share closed mouth kisses and play M.A.S.H.
My M.A.S.H. game says Sean and Catherine will live in a house in Dallas with three kids. two dogs, and one hamster. Crossing my fingers!
Can you imagine spending only eight-ish "off camera" hours with someone before proposing marriage? I most certainly cannot, and leading into this week, Sean has some doubts as well. You see, he has feelings for all three women, and it's hard. Being. The. Bachelor. Is. Hard.
We share your pain, Sean. Watching it hasn't always been enjoyable either.
The hometown dates are usually either really boring, when the families are completely willing to accept the Bachelor into their lives after only two hours, or really awkward, when one or two family members remain skeptical and/or actively sabotage. Sean's hometown dates are no exception.
"Family is so big for me," Sean says. "This is a great week for me to really get a good sense of where these women come from." Based on the intro, it appears as if AshLee comes from Baggageville, Catherine's sisters are Cinderella levels of jealous, Lindsay comes from The Happy Locker, and Desiree's brother (Holla!) is a Menace II Reality TV Love.
Selma Alameri is/was one of my favorite bachelorettes on the Bachelor this season. Please. Don't confuse "favorite bachelorette" with "the one" for Sean Lowe. It is more about whom I find entertaining and likable and less about whom I think Sean should pretend to be in love with for three to six months.
Unfortunately, Sean kicked Selma to the curb after she refused to take part in the Polar Bear Plunge in Canada. Personally, I wouldn't have done it either, and I admire Selma for staying true to herself rather than selling out for a one in nine chance at a bound-to-fail relationship with Sean.
Sean tried to talk Selma into taking the plunge – saying things like you only live once and once in a lifetime opportunity – but she stood her ground. "I told him that if anybody was in danger, I would jump in and save them," Selma said. "But just to jump in for no reason, just to prove something to somebody, I said 'I don't feel like I should put my life at risk like that.' Once I have it in my head, 'no is no' – I won't be peer pressured."
While the wilderness races in Montana and the polar bear plunges in Canada were a ton of fun, Sean Lowe is looking forward to spending the next week in the beautiful St. Croix. Hopefully, a warmer climate means Tierra LiCausi might make it through one week without catching hypothermia or suffering a similar major medical drama. My luck… Tierra will get attacked by a shark… Sean will give her another pity rose.
Even in paradise Tierra complains within minutes. She isn't happy about the shared sleeping arrangements and rolls a cot into a sitting room, saying, "I'm not about to share some room with girls I don't care for. I'm not friends with girls who like my boyfriends. I think it's just better for me to have my own private space." Later, Lesley quips, "I want to roll away her rollaway into the freaking ocean." Amen.
Now Tierra is whining about how she hasn't had a one-on-one date with Sean even though he's "crazy" about her. News Flash: Sean is crazy about all of the girls! Tierra thinks she should be Sean's highest priority at this point; however, AshLee scores the first date. A bitter Tierra refers to AshLee as a cougar. AshLee is only 32 years old, mind you, and Tierra is obviously an immature 24-year-old bitch.
It's day two of the special two day Bachelor event, and Sean Lowe and his nine bachelorettes – AshLee, Selma, Catherine, Desiree, Daniella, Lesley, Lindsay, Sarah, and Tierra – are in Canada. Day one of the special two day Bachelor event was a complete disaster – mostly thanks to Tierrable Tierra.
While the catty girl drama in Montana left Sean feeling uneasy about this amazing journey to find love, he's hoping to get back on track this week. You keep telling yourself that, Sean, and I'll keep admiring the stunning backdrop that is Canada. Lesley thinks Lake Louise screams romance. I'm pretty sure Lake Louise is actually screaming, "What did I do to deserve this mockery?"
Chris Harrison announces that there will be one group date, two one-on-one dates, and a rose up for grabs on each date. When the first date card arrives, the girls recap the season thus far, realizing that Catherine, Daniella, and Tierra have yet to have their own dates with Sean. The first date card is addressed to Catherine and reads "let's find our fairy tale ending."
If I never hear Chris Harrison say special two day Bachelor event again… it will be too soon… seriously. Oh, by the way, have you heard about the special two day Bachelor event? It's an exciting and momentous event that serves as a kick off to the bachelorettes "worldwide journey to find love" with Sean Lowe.
This rip-roaring journey begins in Montana… where it's too cold for Sean to be half naked… how am I supposed to take this special two day Bachelor event seriously when Sean is wearing a shirt? I don't think I can. You've been warned.
So, Sean and his bachelorettes are off to Montana, where everyone wears flannel plaid and there will be a one-on-one date, a group date, and a two-on-one date. Sean says, "I'm an outdoorsy type of guy, and I love to get out and camp or canoe, so Montana is definitely going to test some of the women."
Ah, there he is! Bachelor Sean Lowe goes into this week's dates with "trust" in mind, which totally comes in handy during his first one-on-one date. The date card goes to Selma and reads "let's turn up the heat." Sean's plan is to take the "glamorous girl" out of her element to see how she reacts. Good times.
Less than impressed by their final destination, Selma says, "I got the limo. I got the jet. And then he took the Iraqi to a desert. I do not do well in the heat. At all. I'm so disappointed." The desert location is Joshua Tree National Park and the activity is rock climbing. The glamor girl complains about this not-so-fabulous date. Despite her fear of heights and heat-induced puffiness, Selma climbs the rock like a champ! She's proud of herself and Sean's impressed.