On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2, relationships were put to the test and bacon caused a marital breakdown.
Leah Calvert has made nagging and whining a full-time job. Usually I like Leah – aside from that mop of crazy she insists is hair (we don't believe you, member of the Dolly Pardon Wig Club!) – but last night she was working my last nerve. Look girl from WV, you can't have you pepperoni roll and eat it too!
Five minutes after the twins go to Corey Simms' for his weekend, Jeremy surprises Leah by letting her know he's headed to PA to work for a couple weeks. Leah is not happy. She tells Corey his job makes her feel like a single mother and that while he's gone she gets really overwhelmed. She's also frustrated that he doesn't validate her feelings by listening to an extended whiny-fest about how haaaaard lyyyyyyfe eees when he's gone. She thinks they should go to counseling to strengthen their marriage, but Jeremy is against it. He ain't payin' nobody his hard-earned money to tell him what's wrong with him.
I'm not sure what MTV is playing at by trying to make Nathan Griffith look decent, but they are failing spectacularly all thanks to one formidable (and awesome!) Barbara Evans!
Babs is rocking her warpaint this season of Teen Mom 2, which means she has hit the MAC counter hard, and she is ready for battle. She is done with Jenelle Evans' deadbeat surgically implanted boobs and excuses and 'I can't pay for my abortion but here's a big screen TeeVee and a beach house and yet another loser boyfriend who is more important than my son.' And don't you just love when Babs puts somebody on blast?!
Yesterday on Teen Mom 2 there was wedding drama, bad hair, baby daddy drama, and Jenelle Evans continued to be delusional. You know, same old!
Kailyn Lowry is having wedding drama and is a complete bridezilla. She's also a wifezilla, a babydaddyzilla and probably any other kind of 'zilla you can think of. Combining 'zilla tendencies with Snuffy moping nonsense makes Kail unbearable. Stay off my TV until you've had this baby because you are an emotional wreck, Kailzilla!
Kail has like 9 bridesmaids – one for each month she's pregnant! – including Javi's sister and his sister's friend. Unfortunately since Javi's family probably doesn't like Kail, Javi's sister and friend aren't super motivated to participate in wedding planning. Why would you have your husband's sister's FRIEND in your bridal party? Weird. Kail claims they don't want to spend any money on wedding stuff and they don't want to do super-fun stuff like sit in someone's kitchen to test hairstyles while Kail Snuffys along.
While everyone else appears to be growing up, planning for the future and attempting to compromise (albeit accompanied by hysterical sobbing), Jenelle gets stupider by the day. Instead of ultrasounds she needs a brainscan for this amazing condition she's developed of never being able to make a rational choice – EVER!
So let's start with Jenelle, shall we. Get your barf bag ready!
Jenelle just took a pregnancy test and it said "pregnant!". Babs is teaching Jace to count while Jenelle is scrutinizing the pregnancy test trying to count the lines – one is a very faint pink. Her friend Tori (of the bright red hair) is there to deliver the Come To Jesus lecture and help Jenelle decipher the test. As if Jenelle who's been pregnant as many times as Michelle Duggar can't figure this out. Maybe the second pink line is caused by the reflection of Tori's hair?
In case you missed it, the Teen Mom 2 star crashed his car last week. Adam, who was pulled from the wreckage by a witness, suffered a concussion. What's left of his Corvette is burnt to a crisp. The elderly couple Adam hit suffered broken bones. All in all, they're extremely lucky to be alive, but broken bones in an 87 year old and a 94 year old are a big deal in my opinion.
Adam, 23, has been charged with five crimes: reckless driving, driving with a revoked license, driving with a suspended license, driving an unlicensed vehicle, and not having insurance. Sioux Falls Police confirmed neither drugs nor alcohol played a part in the crash. Just stupidity.
Last night the ladies of Teen Mom 2 complained a lot, made future plans, and in some cases displayed a delusion so deep the Pacific Ocean way out in California couldn't engulf it.
Kailyn Lowry is never happy – even when there's cake. Even when there's caramel + cake. She literally is the Snuffleupagus of reality TV. She's stressed by wedding planning and Jo not doing what she wants, then Javi has to go and stress her out more by surprising her with keys to the new house!
Instead of celebrating, Kail snuffles about how much it would suck if they had to move because of Jo. Say it with me now: should have thought of that BEFORE buying a house! Javi, sweet Javi, marvels that he's twenty, a homeowner, and a father. Say it with me now: Should have thought of that BEFORE hooking up with Kail!
Last night the ladies of Teen Mom 2 forged ahead – some in a positive direction, some in a delusional direction, and some were just Jenelle Evans who will go in any direction that seems the stupidest at any given time.
Leah Calvert is still reeling from Ali's diagnosis. The girls are at Corey's for the weekend and she is home alone with Adalynn while Jeremy is working in PA for a month. Three little kids. Alone. A month. I would develop a drinking problem. And yes, I have two little kids.
Leah's mom comes over to check in and they discuss Ali's future. Leah is positive they'll have to move because their house has too many stairs to accommodate Ali's wheelchair. Leah's mom's heart is broken over the situation. I love this family. I love them so much I forget Leah has a purple muppet wig on her head dangling into her frosted silver eyes. Later Leah tells Jeremy she's found a farm, but it's in a different county, 40 minutes away, but Ali will benefit from equine and water therapy so they want to have a space where she can have a pony.
Last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 temporarily humanized our snarkiness as Leah Calvert learned the realities of Ali's muscular dystrophy.
Kail Lowry heads to an ultrasound appointment sans Javi Marroquin because Jo Rivera won't let her move out of state with Isaac and now she's all allllloneee! Apparently she's been emotionally eating to drown her sorrows because the doctor warns her that gaining a pound and a half per week isn't a good idea. "Lay off the fettuccine alfredo," he instructs.
Everything looks healthy but Kail is waiting until Javi can be there to find out the sex. Kail calls Javi from the car and complains that she's soooo stressed planning a wedding while pregnant. Maybe postpone the wedding until after you've had the baby then? Just a thought – especially since they're already legally married for the benefits and stuff.
Then Kail and Jo have a major custody blowup. Kail is now refusing to bring Isaac to Jo's parents' if he's not home. On their custody exchange day, Kail learns from Jo that he's running late so she calls Javi – in front of Isaac – to whine about what a terrible, negligent parent Jo is. Nice Kail.