Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.
Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.
“Stop yelling at me,” says one. “You called me a slut,” says the other.
“Stop yelling at me!”
“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”
“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”
I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.
Panda Kitty and One F Jef can finally share their love with the rest of the world. Now that Jef Holm has proposed to BacheloretteEmily Maynard, we can start speculating on the future of their relationship and the future of the franchise. I know I’m in the minority, but this was my favorite season yet. I thought Emily was no nonsense in following her heart, and I wish Jef could be cloned…although I wouldn’t mind settling for Arie Luyendyk, Jr. either. Of course, this is coming from a girl who likely watch a show that featured Chris Harrison reading from the phone book–dramatically (as if there is any other way).
Not only did Emily score a good man, she also got quite the ring finger candy. Retailing at more than $150,000, the Neil Lane doorknob is reportedly the biggest and most expensive rock in the history of the show.
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Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?
As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!
First,Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.
Another season of the Bachelorette ends happily. (for now) Emily Maynard offers her final rose to entrepreneur Jef Holm. Jef proposes to Emily with a $90,000 ring. She accepts the ring – and Jef! Ricki joins her mom and new daddy after the proposal. Leading us right into the Bachelorette After the Final Rose special. Live this year… to bring us the “latest news” and “shocking secrets.” All lies. More likely, the decision to tape it live is to keep the end to Emily’s journey seemingly more secret and dramatic than it really is.
Speaking of drama, Chris Harrison promised us a dramatic finale unlike any other. I must have slept through those parts. Except for the lackluster proposal spot, it felt like most other Bachelor and Bachelorette finales. There have been more exciting and unusual finales. Once again, Chris Harrison lies. “The most dramatic something or other”… whatever, Chris. We’re on to you!
Chris Harrison gets right to it. When Emily comes on stage, Chris suggests she looks like she is in love. “I am!” says Emily.
It’s finally here. The most amazing Bachelorette finale ever. (No, really, it might be true this time.) Who does Emily Maynard love more – Jef Holm or Arie Luyendyk, Jr.? Will Emily’s chosen one propose? Chris Harrison welcomes us to the three hour finale of the Bachelorette. (Three hours!) Grab a drink, a snack, and a box of tissues, because Chris promises good stuff. He better not be lying.
Emily‘s parents and brother are in Curacao to meet Jef and Arie.
First up, Jef! Suzy, Emily’s mom, asks Jef how his family feels about Jef looking for love on this crazy show. Jef’s family is skeptical, because Jef’s family is smart. But, of course, they were completely sold on the idea after meeting Emily. Suzy and Jef sit down for a chat. Jef wants to be a good husband and father. He’ll accept Ricki as his own. Jef wants to marry Emily, she completes him. Suzy thinks Jef is a good fit for Emily.
Emily’s brother Ernie is the next one to grill Jef. Jef asks Ernie if Emily is ready to settle down with somebody. Ernie says, oh, no, Emily does not settle. If Emily doesn’t feel right about it, it won’t happen. Jef thinks what he and Emily share is special. He’s excited about a future with Emily. Ernie thinks Jef’s intentions are good. Ernie loves that Jef talks like he’s reading greeting cards.
Jef is nervous about talking to Emily’s dad. Jef is mentally preparing to ask for Emily‘s hand in marriage. Jef wouldn’t feel right taking the next step with Emily without Dad’s blessing. Lucky for Jef, Dad isn’t a hard sell. He hands it right over.
The Bachelorette aired its Men Tell All special on Monday, bringing back the men who failed to captureEmily Maynard‘s heart, to show and tell us nothing new. The show’s viewership was down 12% from the Fantasy Suite dates and tied a season low. Still, while low for The Bachelorette in general, the Men Tell All was Monday night’s most-watched show, bringing in more than 7 million viewers for ABC.
Following the Fantasy Suite dates, Emily sent home fan favorite Sean Lowe, breaking his heart. All together now – AWWW. So sad.
Many fans of the show were hoping for an Emily loves Sean ending. The Sean fans are downright upset Emily didn’t choose Sean, their favorite. (Obviously not Emily‘s favorite but who cares.) What if Emily pulls a Mesnick on the live After the Rose special and asks Sean to come back to her?
“Not happening. There’s no way. I’m not going back,” says Sean. “Not that it’s so egregious, but at the end of the day she thought Jef and Ari were better fits. The girl I’m gonna be with is gonna have no doubts about me.”
The Men Tell All, The Parade of Tools, The Reincarnation of the 3 Stooges… however you label it, it’s still the Bachelorette starring Emily Maynard<yawn> Two hours of video recaps and retells taped in front of one very reactive audience <SCREAMS!> makes me wish I drank wine.
Chris Harrison welcomes us by asking, “Who here would finally like to see Emily find the love of her life?” Raising my hand! If it means she’ll go away, then, by all means, let’s get this woman hitched. Jef Holm and Arie Luyendyk, Jr. are not there, but the men who escaped a lifetime of love few short months of happiness with Emily are. Yippee.
Sean is there! <SCREAMS!> Kalon is there! <BOO!> Seriously, the audience is so over the top.