Oh the twists and turns of last night’s Bachelor Pad. I have to admit, with the exception of predicting a camping date, I had it all wrong…
Blakely Jones is so thrilled that her alliance had her back. I wonder if she’ll ever realize they weren’t keeping her around because they like her, it’s because five-star crazy is fun to watch, and they know she’ll never win. Chris Bukowski crawls into his top bunk and burrows under his covers. Jamie Sarah Newlon comes to his bed and starts baby-talking to him. He’s pouting sleeping. Chris reluctantly lets girl number three crawl into his bunk.
Kalon McMahon walks into the bedroom, and Chris wants to know why his buddy lied to his face. Chris demolishes a rose and throws the petals at Kalon. “How romantic,” coos Kalon, “Must be how you won Emily.” Ouch. With that Chris hops out of bed to go confront Ed Swiderski, leaving Sarah looking a lot like Jamie last week. Ed says he’s more loyal to Jaclyn Swartz than he is to Chris. When Ed raises his voice to be heard over Chris, Chris starts screaming to talk like an adult. He’s something else, isn’t he? I hope Sarah is picking up these red flags. Ed can’t apologize anymore, so he’s out…and a wine glass gets smashed in the process. Mazel Tov!
Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Staglianois like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!
Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”
Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.
Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.
America’s least successful matchmaking show has spawned another walk down the aisle! Although these two smarties have never tried to meet the love of their life under the glare of reality TV cameras. Oh, no – they found each other BEHIND the reality TV cameras. Two Bachelorette producers tied the knot this weekend with Chris Harrison officiating the ceremony. Awwww…
Cassie Lambert and Pete Scalettar said “I Do!” in Malibu under the guidance of Chris (who probably made sure they gave each other the final rose) and it was a full-on reunion as the guest list was filled with former show contestants.
“It might be a new job for me,” Chris joked with People Magazine. “They asked me in Prague this season when we were there if I would do it for them. … I love them to death and I’ve seen then grow as a couple and I love them as a couple and as individuals.”
Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.
Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.
“Stop yelling at me,” says one. “You called me a slut,” says the other.
“Stop yelling at me!”
“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”
“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”
I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.
Panda Kitty and One F Jef can finally share their love with the rest of the world. Now that Jef Holm has proposed to BacheloretteEmily Maynard, we can start speculating on the future of their relationship and the future of the franchise. I know I’m in the minority, but this was my favorite season yet. I thought Emily was no nonsense in following her heart, and I wish Jef could be cloned…although I wouldn’t mind settling for Arie Luyendyk, Jr. either. Of course, this is coming from a girl who likely watch a show that featured Chris Harrison reading from the phone book–dramatically (as if there is any other way).
Not only did Emily score a good man, she also got quite the ring finger candy. Retailing at more than $150,000, the Neil Lane doorknob is reportedly the biggest and most expensive rock in the history of the show.
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Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?
As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!
First,Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.
Another season of the Bachelorette ends happily. (for now) Emily Maynard offers her final rose to entrepreneur Jef Holm. Jef proposes to Emily with a $90,000 ring. She accepts the ring – and Jef! Ricki joins her mom and new daddy after the proposal. Leading us right into the Bachelorette After the Final Rose special. Live this year… to bring us the “latest news” and “shocking secrets.” All lies. More likely, the decision to tape it live is to keep the end to Emily’s journey seemingly more secret and dramatic than it really is.
Speaking of drama, Chris Harrison promised us a dramatic finale unlike any other. I must have slept through those parts. Except for the lackluster proposal spot, it felt like most other Bachelor and Bachelorette finales. There have been more exciting and unusual finales. Once again, Chris Harrison lies. “The most dramatic something or other”… whatever, Chris. We’re on to you!
Chris Harrison gets right to it. When Emily comes on stage, Chris suggests she looks like she is in love. “I am!” says Emily.