As if you thought Lifetime would ever cancel its cash cow…Abby Lee Miller will be back and likely meaner than ever for yet another season of Dance Moms. Love her or hate her, I adore the girls and can't believe the amount of talent they have. I am over the moon to see the show return.
It's a true hit for Lifetime, spawning two spin-offs: Dance Moms: Miami and the recently premiered Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition which allows young girls to be ridiculed and berated by Abby while only garnering a few short minutes of screen time. It's the American Dream I tell you, the American Dream!
She’s ba-ack! It’s Abby Lee Miller, suckers! I am a bit frightened watching the highlights from last season’s original Dance Moms. I had forgotten who intense it was!
The girls and moms are ready for the pyramid, and the women are polling the kids as to who will thinks Abby will apologize for storming out in the past season’s finale. The girls know that she won’t. Holly thinks Abby ditched the troupe at competition because poor Maddie forgot her dance, and Holly finds Abby’s behavior deplorable. It’s interesting to watch this after Dance Moms: Miami, where the instructors were so nurturing to the kids…they just (rightfully) thought the moms were insane!
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Oh snap! The Dance Moms: Miami finale is bringing some dramz in the form of a new dancer…the adorable Mia and her Charo-esque mother. Sweet!
As always, the episode started with the list, and Lucas takes the top spot for his many successes last week. Hannah scores second on the list for scoring second overall, and Angel tells her that she’s now acting like a great dancer and will be treated as such. Sammy is third for increasing her artistic game, with Kimmy fourth for sloppy transitions. Jessi is at the bottom (watch out for Susan!) for messing up in her duet with Kimmy.
Sammy and Hannah both get solos, and Lucas and Kimmy will be performing a duet. Jessi will only be dancing in the group number. Jessi is upset that she isn’t getting a solo, but she’s determined to keep it together to prove to Angel and Victor that she’s a team player. The theme for this week is “celebrity” since they swept last weekend’s competition. Victor announces he has a surprise, and enter Mia. She is one of the studio’s top dancers, who at ten, according to Victor, has the skill and technique of an eighteen-year-old. The dancers are thrilled. They love Mia…Lucas is even rocking a Mia crush. She is a precious little girl.
After a volatile competition on the last Dance Moms: Miami, last night the dancers are back to learn their places on the list. Abby and Sammy are noticeably absent. Debi isn’t too sad to see that they aren’t present. Angel is upset about the drama that went down at the competition, especially with the moms (cough, cough, Suzie, he means you!).
Sammy is at the bottom of the list, presumably since she dropped Kimmy and then tried to blame shift, but it works out well since she’s also a no-show at practice. Hannah is fourth on the list due to technique even though she did well at the competition. Lucas, who won first for his solo, is third because he threw Sammy under the bus and tattled on her for saying Kimmy’s timing was off in the group number. Am I seeing things or did smoke just come out of Brigette’s ears? I think she’s more upset at that news than Lucas. Kimmy gains second place for taking the blame for something she didn’t do. Ani is shocked. She figured her daughter would be much further down the list due to her dancing. How weird is it not to see a mom get upset about their child’s placement! Jessi places first for dancing well and juggling the stress that her crazy mother bestowed upon her. True that!
On last evening’s Dance Moms: Miami, the insanity really took a turn. Susan’s antics threaten to ruin Jessi’s home at the studio, and Debi will turn on anyone to stop others from turning on her. Victor, Angel, and the kids (oh, and of course Kimmy’s mom Ani) are the only ones not riding Ozzy’s crazy train.
The dancers did an amazing job at last week’s competition, and while Victor and Angel are very proud, there is always room for improvement. After their most precious little duet, Lucas and Kimmy are in the first and second spots on the list, respectively. Victor touts Jessi’s solo as “phenomenal” but she’s third for getting a lower score than the two nine year olds. Susan is peeved. Her daughter is the best dancer at Stars! Sammy is fourth on the list for not standing out enough. Even though Hannah wins her age group, she’s last on the list because she cried before going on stage. Hannah believes that she just needs to work harder.
Dance Moms: Miami, you never disappoint. After a good showing in Michigan last week, Victor and Angel are focused on Nationals. It’s time for the list! Jessi has moved her way up from the bottom of the list to the top. Kimmy scores second due to her technical skills. However, they want to see more emotion in her dancing. Lucas is safe in third, and Hannah places fourth. Debi is beyond thrilled to see that Hannah has beaten Sammy. Victor is quick to tell the young girl that he thinks she should have been last as she didn’t trust her partner. Angel thinks that Hannah had a rough week and worked hard. Sammy is confused as to why she’s at the bottom, and while Victor thought she should have garnered fourth, her mother’s lack of respect for questioning their choreography lands her in last place.
The group is heading to Orlando. Jessi and Hannah will have solos, and Kimmy and Lucas dance a duet. The week’s theme is “survival,” so this should be good. Sammy is relegated to just performing in the group dance. The children tell Victor and Angel which animals they would be if they lived in the wild. Back in the mom room, Abby is appalled that they women were chastised in front of their children. Debi agrees…Hannah’s behavior was picture perfect during rehearsals for the duet. Furthermore, Debi never threatened to pull Hannah from the duet. Abby continues that she was perfectly happy seeing the girls dance together. Her main concern is that the girls didn’t have enough time to practice because Victor stormed out of rehearsal. Brigette is beyond exhausted of listening to the women pretend they were happy with the duet. They hated the fact their daughters were forced to dance together. We all remember…it was just last week!
After a week’s hiatus from Dance Moms: Miami, the crazy is ba-ack, and this week they are heading north!
Victor and Angel are embarrassed over their last showing–fifth place is a joke at Stars studio. Kimmy makes the top of the list for missing first place in her solo competition by one point. Sammy is at number two for her great solo. Jessi finally works her up from the bottom, and Victor praises her from improving her behavior. Lucas gets a tad misty to see he is fourth on the list, which means Hannah is on the bottom. While she’s improving, it’s not at the same rate as her teammates.
Dance Moms: Miami is still living up to its initial hype, for me at least. I love the Victor/Angel good cop/bad cop dynamic, and once again, the dancers prove that they are way more capable of maturity, class, and kindness than their bat poo crazy mothers.
We resume with the ever ominous list. Even though the group out-performed everyone, it’s not enough for Victor and Angel. Despite a second place finish, Lucas is on top. A proud Kimmy takes the second spot for remembering choreography, and, more importantly, having the least crazy mother. Even though Sammy placed first in the solo performance, she’s in the third position. A smug Sammy is confused. Jessi’s mother is already crying knowing her daughter’s near the bottom. Victor reminds her that a reputation takes a second to destroy and months to rebuild. Remember that, poor sport! Debi is upset that Hannah had her best dance yet but still ends up at the bottom.
The crew is heading back to California. How do I become the child of a Dance Mom? I would like to traipse around the country each week, despite my fear of flying. Lucas and Kimmy are granted solos. Sammy is given a solo by Victor, accompanied by harsh words from Angel. Neither Jessi nor Hannah will be dancing solos. The group dance is a deep, contemporary number based in each dancers’ insecurities.
Angel is shocked at how nice the moms are being towards one another. He cites that there must have been a special on booze at the liquor store. Man, I love him. Of course, by nice, he means the mothers are passive aggressively complimenting their counterparts…make that their counterparts’ children. Victor and Angel tap into the crews’ insecurities. Are they licensed therapists? The kids are crying about how small and ugly and imperfect they feel, and it pretty much all goes straight back to how their moms behave. The moms are proud…yet Susan thinks that Sammy isn’t quite deserving a three-run solo. Even the normally calm Bridgette calls out Abby on her cockiness surrounding her daughter. So basically, the insecurity exercise works on the kids, yet it ignites the moms. The moms, sans Abby, go to on a group bathroom outing, which all girls know is code for major gossip time.
The troupe practices purging their insecurities through dance. After Debi was excited to see Abby finally treated as the outsider, she is perturbed to see Bridgette approaching Abby to apologize. Bridgette is convinced that Debi manipulated the women to find fault with Abby, mother to Sammy, who, may I remind you, is a child and also Debi’s nemesis—not Debi’s daughter’s nemesis, but Debi’s nemesis. The only issue Hannah and Sammy seem to have is that their mothers want them to hate each other.