Last night marked Abby Lee Miller’s return to Dance Moms, and it was every bit as ridiculous as every other episode has been for the last few seasons. Please, Lifetime, put this show out of its misery…it’s not fun to watch any more. It’s borderline disturbing. Abby is having some sort of passive aggressive psychotic break on camera, calmly telling the veteran mothers that she was on vacation last week and doesn’t give a flip about the elite team. She’s only back in the studio because her lawyers need to get paid. As Holly leads the charge to pepper Abby with questions, Abby dismisses her with glassy eyes and flippant remarks.
Before the pyramid, Abby criticizes the routines that she wasn’t in the attendance to watch. The minis are included in the pyramid, with the entire crew rounding out the bottom rung. Peyton is in the last place spot for her mother’s deplorable behavior. Abby clearly doesn’t like a mom’s bad behavior being worse than her own, right? JoJo, Brynn, and Kendall make up the next level for their various flawed performances, and Nia and Kalani are in third and second. Abby is shocked that Nia didn’t excel more in African dance given that she’s African-American. No, just no. Holly loses it. Just because Nia’s black doesn’t mean she’s got the lock on African dancing. Abby barely back pedals…she didn’t mean to offend anyone, she just thinks that Nia needs to step up to the plate. MacKenzie takes the top spot. The girls will be dancing a lyrical piece with Brynn in the lead role. Abby warns Brynn that if the elite team loses it will be her fault. Jill takes the opportunity to remind everyone that Ashlee never finds Brynn at fault for anything. Shut it, Jill. Seriously, she is sounding like a broken record. Some mini whose name I’m not going to bother to learn is granted a solo.
Abby Lee Miller was notably absent on last night’s Dance Moms, but apparently her attendance isn’t required for ridiculous drama.
After Abby’s “resignation” on last week’s episode, the veterans and newbie moms are unsure of their direction, having relocated to a new studio. As the elite team and their mothers ponder their next move, Nia breaks down over haters on social media. Gia is taking over for Abby, and she’s not really the pyramid type. In lieu of solos, Gia has opted for duets. Kalani and Nia are thrilled to be paired together. Minis Peyton and Alexus are recycling a duet originally danced a few seasons ago by Chloe and Asia. Brynn and Kendall will be dancing the final duet, and Ashlee interrupts to ask if Brynn’s choreography will be more difficult than Kendall’s moves. Um no, Gia reminds Ashlee that they will be doing the same dance. As the moms bicker with Ashlee, Gia realizes that a group dance featuring the elites and the minis is going to be a lot harder than anyone anticipated.
Those of us who have been watching Dance Moms for a hot second are no strangers to Abby Lee Miller melt downs, but last night certainly took the cake, didn’t it? As last night’s episode unfolds, Abby is in crisis mode at the ALDC LA studio, hair in hot rollers, dramatic phone call, and lots and lots of tears. The girls and their moms congregate at 7:30 in the morning, and everyone is thrilled to welcome Maddie back into the mix. Maddie catches up her friends on her rise to stardom, and they are just as excited for her as she is humble. It’s cute to see them and realize there is a tiny bit that is still genuine about this show. Her Hollywood escapades are interrupted by Abby screeching in the next room, and the mothers plot to send in the mini troupe to check on her. Their girls certainly don’t want that responsibility!
As the minis and moms converge on the studio, Jess quickly directs them to the back room where Abby is braless and sobbing on her cell. It’s beyond awkward, and the mini moms retreat. After they contain their giggles, Melissa and Jill try to coax Abby out of the back room, but she screams at them to leave. Melissa is peeved. Maddie just scored a prime photo shoot, and Abby needs to be excited for her daughter. Ashlee is upset that Abby isn’t focused on the newbies, and she goes head to head with Jill over who is more passive aggressive. Ashlee accuses Kendall of being as hateful as her mother, and Jill shrieks into the parking lot (followed by Melissa) to find photographers from Seventeen Magazine hoping to document Maddie’s time with the ALDC. Jill recalls that Abby didn’t want any outside projects, but Maddie is always an exception.
Tonight’s Dance Moms was filled with mini meltdowns and mega drama. The ALDC mothers are concerned because Abby Lee Miller is introducing a new, younger team to replace their girls. She barely has time as it is to coach her competition team, and now these little ones are going to eat up even more of Abby’s time. Abby can’t be bothered with their fears…she needs to find her next Maddie, and the way the ALDC performed at last week’s competition has her convinced it’s the best decision. Her girls didn’t have one first place finish!
Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid for not being able to express emotions through her facial expressions. She’s tired of Kendall just being pretty…not to mention, Kendall placed third in her solo division. Nia and MacKenzie round out the bottom…they both have super successful videos and songs on iTunes, yet they can’t snag a win. Brynn takes the third spot from the top for being middle-of-the-road, and JoJo is excited to be second with Abby praising her stand-out performance in the group routine. Kalani takes her rightful spot at the top of the pyramid for rocking the group dance…and becoming a big sister. Kira and her baby brother are healthy and happy. Kendall is given the promised solo for having the highest individual score, and Jessalyn reminds Abby about Kendall’s make-up breakdown. JoJo gets the second solo, but she’s going to have to give up the bow for her dark hip-hop number. The girls cheer when they learn that the group routine will also be hip-hop, and Abby brings in their choreographers. She’ll be too busy working with her minis.
After a mediocre first week of Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller is trying to keep her crazy in check, but she’s really just in major denial.
After lectures on punctuality and dedication, Abby is running late. She needs her make-up artist to make sure her eyebrows look better. Jill recognizes this behavior as Abby being on the verge of a breakdown. When the ALDC convenes for the pyramid, Maddie and Kalani are on the bottom due to their absences. MacKenzie and Kendall round out the bottom row. Nia is in the third spot for managing JoJo’s hamster ball, and JoJo places second for actually dancing in the ball. Brynn is in the top spot for winning her solo. Abby grants her solos to Kendall, MacKenzie and Nia, snarking that their mothers think they are good replacements for Maddie. Melissa sticks up for MacKenzie at every turn (for the first time), and Abby doesn’t appreciate her new stance. In a twist, Abby makes the announcement that she’s going to start training a mini team of young girls who she hopes will redeem her name with her sub-par competition team. The mothers are less than thrilled with this news.
Summer is over, the girls and their mothers are back in Los Angeles, and JoJo is on a hoverboard. It’s got all the makings for a dramatic (and extra-long, I’m sure!) season. That’s right, dear readers! Dance Moms returned last night, and Abby Lee Miller brought the crazy…which she promises has nothing to do with her upcoming absences. Please. Kendall hopes that the finished studio will be good for Abby’s soul…she can’t be hateful in this beautiful space, right? Melissa brags that Maddie isn’t in attendance because she’s filming a movie, oh, and she’s now Kalani’s legal guardian so the teen can dance with the group while her mother Kira gets married and gives birth. Timing, you know. Abby interrupts the clucking hens, and she is beyond peeved at their Nationals loss. She lectures her clearly defeated group of dancers about their recent humiliation as the mothers purse their lips and the girls fight back tears.
Abby declares a ban on any extra work. No music videos, no appearances, no auditions, just dance. JoJo’s mother points out the hypocrisy that Maddie is filming a movie. Jill screams about her loyalty and how Kendall was turning down jobs left and right, as Kendall bawls, pleading for her mother not to make things worse with Abby. Abby then declares all of her dancers on the bottom of the pyramid before introducing Brynn to fill the incredible void left by Maddie. Brynn’s mother Ashlee does the requisite amount of sucking up as the other moms sulk.
I don’t know about you, but last night’s parade of bump-its, spray tans, and grown-a$$ women dressed in prom dresses was exactly what I’d expect from the Dance Moms Reunion. As the mothers get dolled up pageant style, we learn that Abby Lee Miller has been texting them constantly, forbidding them from attending the reunion. Of course, when she finds out they are already there, she arrives and silently takes her seat, putting a slew of papers under the cushion.
As the show begins, Abby refuses to speak to anyone because she’s classy like that. I’m thrilled that Jeff Collins dialed back the orange tint in his hair from the last go-round. As the mom take the stage, Jeff rehashes the Nationals upset. Abby holds up a sign that reads, “Fixed!” Jill explains that the competition was orchestrated, and Holly interrupts to say that yes, the awards ceremony was a mess, but they’ve never complained when the ALDC won. No one cries “fixed” then! Jessalyn touts that it made their team seem like sore losers, and suddenly Abby has found her voice with Jill and Melissa co-signing her every word.
Congratulations, dear readers. We did it. And more importantly, we did it together. We survived yet another season of Abby Lee Miller’s shenanigans on Dance Moms (not counting the reunion, of course…that will be a gem!). Pat yourself on the back. You are stronger than you thought you could be. After last week, the Nationals soloists were up in the air, but finally we got see some amazing drama–and even better dancing!
The finale episode begins with Abby corralling the girls to hype up Nationals and poo-poo the ALDC’s track record thus far this season. Jill hopes that Abby will focus and become the leader the team needs, but learning the Jeanette’s team is competing has her off her rocker per the usual. Abby is stressed about the studio opening, and Jessalyn wonders how in the world it will be finished in time. JoJo is on the bottom of the pyramid for constantly needing corrections, followed by MacKenzie. Kendall rounds out the bottom for being “okay.” Kalani is third on the pyramid for placing third in the competition, with Maddie holding down the second spot. Woo hoo! A deserving Nia tops the pyramid for being the overall high scoring solo. Finally.