I don’t know about y’all, but I’m still reeling by Mother of the Year Melissa admitting that MacKenzie should have lost to older sister Maddie on last week’sDance Moms. What doozies does she have in store for us this week? And what kind of hateful ridiculousness will Abby Lee Miller emulate as the ALDC goes head-to-head with the West Coast’s equivalent of the Candy Apples? So many questions regarding last night’s episode, so let’s dive right in, shall we?
The episode begins with the girls joking about the previous competition. Of course, MacKenzie has earned her a spot at the top of the pyramid, and Maddie teases that her tap routines never lose, so it’s game on against her sister. All of the dancers agree that Abby won’t be too bitter about the group loss since she can blame it on Michael Jackson’s choreographer. Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid, and Jill bites her tongue. A shocked JoJo follows, with Abby claiming she is capable of doing better. Nia rounds out the bottom, with Kalani in third on the second rung, and Maddie as runner up for losing to her sister. MacKenzie earned her place in the pyramid’s first place ranking.
First, I need to offer my sincerest apologies for missing last week’s Dance Moms premiere recap, but you’ll have to take that up with Mother Nature and her nasty thunderstorms and ridiculously long (and hot and oh so muggy!) power outages. Second, did we really miss much? Abby Lee Miller, true to fashion, flaked on practice and was extra nasty to over compensate for her evident insecurities caused by relocating to Los Angeles. Jill discovered once again that no matter how much bum she kisses, Kendall will never be Abby’s favorite. Basically, Abby was mean, yada yada yada, Nia was discounted, Holly was fuming, Jill was confused as to what exactly she needs to do to cement Kendall in Abby’s good graces, and Maddie was revered. A recap in one paragraph…who knew my wordy self was capable of such a thing?
It’s the second week in LA for the ALDC (this time around, at least), and the moms are still harping on Abby’s erratic behavior. Why anyone is still surprised by her antics is beyond me! The moms are surprised that Abby is in attendance at rehearsal (ehh, she’s “slightly” there), and Abby takes no time building up Maddie and tearing down Nia who doesn’t back down to her teacher. At. All. Go Nia! Of course, Nia ends up on the bottom of the pyramid followed by JoJo for timing errors. Shockingly, Maddie rounds out the bottom rung for not standing out in the group routine. MacKenzie is third for taking direction well, and Kendall is runner up to Kalani’s top spot on the pyramid. Kendall didn’t perform last week, but her video premiered which garnered her a higher spot. Kalani reigns supreme for her exceptional solo. So she forgot a few eight-counts…she improvised like a champ. Jill interrupts to say that a family commitment will keep Kendall from performing this week, but Kendall promises she’ll still be at rehearsals. Abby’s eye rolls say it all.
Well, apparently the hemisphere doesn’t make a difference when it comes to Abby Lee Miller’s hateful ways, but the mothers on last night’s Dance Moms may have annoyed me even more than the tyrannical teacher. At least we got to see some precious animals and some great performances. The girls are spending their down time feeding kangaroos and koalas, and even though Holly, Nia, Jessalyn, and JoJo are in attendance, the girls won’t be performing in the upcoming expo with their ALDC teammates. Kira and Kalani are touring Sydney on their own, and Holly finds it odd that Nia attends everything and isn’t included, but the opposite is true for Kira and Kalani.
The group number is a Mad Max theme, and Holly interrupts to share that Nia will be giving a concert in Melbourne the same day the group will perform. She’d love to have all of her friends and Nia’s teammates to come show their support. Jill doesn’t see how they’ll be able to do both their performance and Nia’s show in one day–sorry! Abby doesn’t even pretend to hide her disgust, rolling her eyes and making faces. Jessalyn then scolds the team for making fun of JoJo after a video was leaked online. The girls offer up their apologies, and JoJo handles herself more maturely than any of the mothers. Holly and Jessalyn complain that their daughters are being excluded, but Jill believes this is Holly’s punishment for not allowing Abby to manage Nia’s music career. Jessalyn confronts Abby about why some dancers are constantly criticized, yet others can make big mistakes that are never addressed. To whom could she be referring? Abby shares that she tends to humiliate those who repeat mistakes in hopes of making them realize their issues. Jill breaks it down in simpler terms…Maddie is protected from criticism.
G’day readers! It looks like we’re all still gluttons for punishment when it comes to Abby Lee Miller and the drama of Dance Moms, but this time we’re cringing while the girls explore an entirely different hemisphere. Koala bears make even the nastiest of people much easier to tolerate, right? Plus, those accents! Abby arrives at the airport, and of course, things are stressful right from the start. Abby has misplaced her passport (and license and credit cards) and there are tears, y’all! The ALDC has already arrived in Australia to perform at the Astra Awards which Jill touts as Down Under’s Emmys. Note to Jill…save the duck face for the tweens!
Melissa, who has clearly opted for the international data plan, calls Abby to find out why she’s missing in action. When Abby laments that she’s lost her passport, Melissa starts listing places where Abby could have left it. Geez, Melissa! If she knew where she left it, it wouldn’t be lost. Glad to see some things don’t change with the time zones! Abby won’t be arriving until the day of the event, and she suggests that only Maddie perform since she won’t be there to micromanage. Hold up! Jill and Holly interject that all of the girls were invited to participate, to which Abby retorts, “Show me your invitation.” When Jill counters that Maddie didn’t receive a personal invitation, Abby snarks that she can pull up the e-mail that specifically requests Maddie’s presence. Abby warns Holly that she won’t put up with any of her crap. After all, Holly, Nia. Jessalyn, and JoJo weren’t included in Abby’s plans…they are just tagging along for the trip.
I’d say congratulations are in order, dear readers! Cheers to each one of you for making it through yet another extra-long season of Dance Moms with the always controversial Abby Lee Miller at the helm. Last night was the last reunion before Abby packs her bags and opens an ALDC franchise in Los Angeles. As always, executive producer Jeff Collins rules the sofa roost, but this time, the once silver fox has died his hair a special shade of carrot and gotten himself a spray tan. Fame, y’all!
Abby is the first one who joins Jeff on the stage, and he brings up her now contentious relationship with Holly. Abby feels Holly’s jealousy runs deep, and she believes that her dancers are a success because every last one of them is chasing Maddie’s fame. Nia’s turn will come, she admonishes. Jeff summons Holly to the couch, and Jeff shows footage of Abby lying about saying Maddie and Kalani were the only ones who would ever book jobs. Holly cites her frustrations stemming from Abby attacking the children to retaliate when she’s upset with the mothers. All Holly wants is for her daughter to be treated with respect, but Abby doesn’t care to try to repair their relationship. Holly has several fond memories with Abby that she holds dear, but Abby remains stone-faced. Thankfully, the girls take the stage to perform their Stomp the Yard group number inspired by Orange is the New Black. More dancing, less mindless bickering please!
Last night’s Dance Moms was the second part of the Abby Lee Miller’s swan song in Pittsburgh before heading out to Los Angeles to open the West Coast ALDC studio. Of course, it wouldn’t be a finale if it wasn’t coming on the heels of a tween video showdown, and it’s certainly only fitting that Cathy and her Candy Apples were involved! Even better? We don’t have to sit through a pyramid…we can just head right into the competition.
With the other dancers involved in the various JUMP convention showcases, JoJo and Nia are the only ALDC members ready to compete. Despite Melissa’s tepid excuses for the team’s absence, Holly can’t help but think that something shady is going on to which she wasn’t privy. Jessalyn and Holly are confused as to why Abby double-booked her team (especially since Kendall and Kalani are supposed to have solos), but Kira and Jill play dumb. Cathy interrupts to question why half the group is MIA, and on cue, Abby arrives to ignore Cathy’s insults about her blobby, big hair. She wasn’t about to have her dancers miss out on the coveted time with master choreographers at the convention. Jessalyn is livid to learn that Abby texted the mothers whose daughters were involved, instructing them not to mention the scheduling conflict with her and Holly. “Shame on you,” admonishes Holly. As Abby and Holly scream at one another, Cathy takes great pleasure in watching the demise of the friendships crumbling in front of her. Jill scolds Holly for airing their dirty laundry in front of the Candy Apple moms, and her anger is only exaggerated by the fringe on her tacky jacket. Holly and Jessalyn storm off, realizing they are getting no support from their counterparts. Cathy cackles with delight, while relishing in Vivi’s starring role in the Candy Apple’s group routine.
I know I sound like a broken record season after season after season (or is it all just one neverending season?), but could this be the longest ever season of Dance Moms? After the great video showdown of 2015, the ALDC has returned to Pittsburgh after a victorious stint in Los Angeles. Abby Lee Miller is true to form with her nastiness and self-pity, but of course her bad behavior is magnified thanks to Lifetime adding Cathy’s Candy Apples into the mix. The moms are (surprisingly!) getting along, and while they don’t love the cold weather, they are happy to be home…for a week at least. Melissa wonders if it could be their last Pittsburgh pyramid. She seems to think that when Abby heads back to L.A. next week (we deserve frequent flier miles just for watching!), it will be for good.
Not only is there a competition this week, there is also a dance convention where the dancers could win scholarships. The moms inform their girls that not only will the Candy Apples be trying to beat them, but Ava and her mom Jeanette will be at the competition as well. Poor Kendall says what her teammates are thinking…it’s never a fun competition week with Abby when Cathy is involved. At pyramid, Abby gushes over Maddie’s Grammy’s performance (as she should, it was amazing), saying she got more applause than Madonna. Does she really want to get on Madge’s bad side? Maddie also dishes on behind the scenes of the awards show, and Holly feels the need to interrupt to proclaim that Nia will be having a premier party for her video at the dance convention thanks to her recent video? Really, Holly? Why? I try to defend you, but you’re not making it easy! Even Nia looks like she wants her mother to stop her one-upping. Holly extends an invitation to the studio, but Melissa can’t make it because she has dinner plans. Joke’s on you, Melissa–it’s a daytime event.
Last night was the ALDC’s final week in Los Angeles on Dance Moms…somehow I feel like I’ve typed that more than once! As usual, Abby Lee Miller was her normal horribly hateful self…with a few (very few!) moments of compassion. The episode was the battle of the video vixens, except (sadly), in this case, the “vixens” are preteens. Don’t get me started on age appropriateness! Much like MacKenzie was transformed into MackZ, Kendall is no longer Kendall. She’s Kendall K. As she and Jill arrive to the set of her military inspired music video, the first words out of Abby’s mouth are “take that, Holly!” Such class with this one! Abby goes on and on about how Holly has extracted Nia from the group by choosing to work with Aubrey O’Day. Let’s be honest…had she not, is there any one of you who thinks Nia would have gotten the same attention that Abby is now giving Kendall…K? Jill chooses to sleep at night by telling herself that Holly created the ultimate betrayal by not blindly trusting Abby to have her daughter’s best interests at heart. As long as Kendall is finally Abby’s golden child, Jill doesn’t mind potentially losing a friend. I think she’s forgotten just how fickle Abby can be!
At pyramid, JoJo is on the bottom for not standing out in the group routine. MacKenzie joins her for not living up to her potential while in LA. Nia and Kalani make up the middle rung for impressive performances in the group number. Kendall is in the second spot for a stellar video shoot, and Maddie regains her top spot for getting winning the overall solo routine at last week’s competition. This week, Maddie is performing at the Grammys, and she shares that she and Sia have become like family. Kendall and JoJo are granted solos, and JoJo will be dancing in a straight jacket. The group number is entitled Platinum, and Abby likens it to Kendall’s musical future. Nia stands stone-faced, getting zero recognition from her lifelong dance teacher. Abby reveals that this week’s competition will be judged by their peers.