I guess Santa is bypassing all of us this year. We’ve clearly been naughty. There can’t possibly be another reason why we’re being subjected to yet another season of Dance Moms…but we are! And I’ll be watching. I’ll consider my punishment for being so bad. However, no matter how naughty we’ve been, we’ll never ever be as horribly rotten as Lifetime’s cash cow Abby Lee Miller. It’s all an act, right? RIGHT??
For four long and tortuous seasons we’ve watched Abby belittle her young dancers while their mother snarked and plotted and forced us to take sides between bad and worse (I’m still not sure which is which!). Now (most of) the old gang returns thanks to their pesky iron clad contracts. Noticeably absent? Christi and Chloe (I don’t any will miss the former, but I’m so sad for the latter) who bid farewell after Abby’s constant bullying caused Chloe’s love for dance to fade…not to mention Abby making fun of her ocular condition. Returning? A very defeated looking Nia and an equally downtrodden Holly, Mack-Z, golden child Maddie and their mom Melissa, as well as Kendall and Jill, who Abby chastises for being a horrible mother more than once in the thirty second teaser. Good times! The twist? Christi and Kelly plotting to take down the ALDC. The show is back on Lifetime Tuesday, January 6th at 9PM/ET. You know I won’t be able to not watch!
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To be honest, the most pressing question that I hoped would be answered on last night’s Dance Moms reunion was if Lifetime just couldn’t afford to film a new intro sans Kelly Hyland and daughters Brooke and Paige…not that I mind seeing them each week, but it’s a bit strange. Right off the bat, Jeff Collins needs some matte powder to go with his newly darkened hair. Is he sweating from the stage lights or the guilt he feels for constantly promoting Abby Lee Miller? Speaking of, Jeff has Abby solo on the couch, and he applauds the Nationals win and questions how Abby feels about Chloe’s fifth place finish being the best solo number in the ALDC. Abby cites fierce competition as the reason…well, that and the fact she didn’t put Maddie in to compete. Wait, I thought Maddie refused when asked (you go, girl!). Abby then talks about Kendall’s disappointing routine in light of how strong she was last year as Jill gestures violently backstage via picture in picture. Abby’s all “I told you so” as the paid audience laughs.
Last night was the season finale of Dance Moms, and I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering who I’m going to spend my Tuesday evenings with now that Abby Lee Miller is on hiatus. Who will brighten my day with her cheer and positive attitude? Still in Los Angeles and prepping for Nationals, Abby has the elite team facing off with the select crew, and she’s striking fear in the hearts of both teams with the threat of Cathy’s Candy Apples. Abby then springs on the crew that Maddie may be doing solo, and Melissa states that she thinks that the other girls should have a chance to win. What? She’s finally putting being liked by the other mothers over her daughter winning every routine she enters?
Across town, the Candy Apples are rehearsing their group routine to Chandelier as a dig to Maddie’s Sia video. At the ALDC studio, Abby is hoping that her “Amber Alert” group number will send chills up the spines of the audience, but MacKenzie’s dancing says otherwise. Abby has had it with her group routine, and she urges Maddie to practice her solo in the event she needs a slam dunk in the competition. Nia speaks up, asking why they aren’t focusing on the group number since it’s the most important. Until Nia and Mack-Z can get in sync, Abby thinks Maddie’s efforts would be best spent elsewhere. The other moms are livid with Melissa for not speaking up…I guess her need for inclusion was short lived, although the moms are kidding themselves if they think for a second they wouldn’t behave the same to further their daughters’ careers. As Holly, Christi, and Jill henpeck her, Melissa erupts into a bleeping ball of anger. I knew you had it in you, girl!
Welcome to Hollywood! The girls of the ALDC have arrived in California for Nationals. On last night’s Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller wanted to remind everyone that she’s a star maker. The original mothers and daughters are in the studio, and they are in shock when the select team arrives on their heels. You know it’s bad when even Holly is huffing and puffing about things. Abby shuts down the bickering by starting the pyramid. Chloe is on bottom because her foot injury wouldn’t allow her to dance last week. Christi announces that Chloe’s doctor has cleared her to dance. MacKenzie follows for walking the fine line between decent and silly. Nia falls to the bottom rung for not living up to her winning performance the week before. Kendall is in third, followed by Kamryn for playing up to Abby. No surprise, Maddie is on the top for balancing her amazing performances with her plethora of outside opportunities.
Has this season of Dance Moms been going on long enough that we’re already at ALDC showcase? Abby Lee Miller is still torturing her dancers as to who will compete in Nationals. Who cares about Nationals…did y’all see Maddie do her Chandelier dance on last night’s Dancing with the Stars? She is crazy talented, but that dance has always given me the shivers. However, it’s safe to say that her duet partner is going to give me full on night terrors. How creepy was that? Sorry, I digress.
Abby is stressed and exciting about her upcoming dance concert. Kamryn has returned and Christi is upset as Chloe has already beaten her before. In the pyramid, Chloe is on the bottom because of her injury. MacKenzie follows for not being in sync in the group number. Kendall is in third for getting second to Nia. Maddie is second on the pyramid. Abby reminds her that if a bigger opportunity for her that conflicts with Nationals, she’ll have to take it instead of joining her team. Deservedly, Nia is in the top spot for her first time ever as the highest scoring soloist at the competition. A teary Abby announces that the group number will be a tribute to her mother. Additionally, each girl will be showcasing a forty-five second solo that will be her audition from Nationals. Abby will not rehearse nor watch the routines before the concert. The girls are on their own to choreograph what they believe is their best vignette.
Well, last night’s Dance Moms has less Abby Lee Miller cruelty and more happy dancers…at least among the veteran girls! The moms enter the studio sans daughters, and Abby warns that every minute she has to wait on her dancers is another minute she contemplates another team for Nationals. Holly wants to have a dialogue with Abby regarding the unresolved issues from last week’s fight without the children involved. Holly conveys her message calmly and clearly. Of course, Abby dismisses Holly’s concerns over name-calling and derogatory comments as just an excuse not to face Nia’s failure as a dancer. She’s just the sweetest. Refusing to stray from her tried and true teaching methods of bullying and nastiness, Abby concludes that Holly is lucky that she was invited back to the ALDS.
This week Tracey and her daughter Sarah are joining the crew. The pyramid goes quickly as Maddie was the only one who was allowed to perform at the competition after Abby pulled the group number. This week, the girls are going to Orlando, Florida to compete. Sarah has a solo, and Tracey wants her daughter moved permanently to the elite competition team. Kendall will also be getting a solo, and it will be the same routine that Maddie won with last week. Abby is a big enough person (cough, cough) to put aside her issues with Holly and allow Nia to dance the Maya Angelou solo she teased about last week. Abby seems totally unfazed when Christi announces that Chloe will be leaving rehearsal early to get an MRI done on her foot. In the viewing room, Tracey asks why Abby is so mad at the mothers, and Holly fills her in on the tally chart.
It’s two weeks until Nationals, so y’all know that means that Abby Lee Miller is on the precipice of turning into Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s not going to be pretty folks, and I have a feeling only Maddie will be left with her legs! After returning from a stellar competition, last night’s Dance Moms begins as it always does…the pyramid, complete with the moms muttering under their breath, defeated faces on little girls, and, of course, the fear of facing Candy Apple Cathy! Kendall is on the bottom for being last to the game on an upstand. Chloe follows for “being fine. Just…fine.” MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not beating her mini counterparts. Nia is second for leading her team to victory in the group dance. Of course, Maddie is on the top for her highest scoring routine.
Abby reveals that Gino will be dancing a solo at the upcoming competition, and she wants Maddie to dance a solo. However, Maddie may have to head to Miami to film a web series on the day of the competition. Abby enlists Chloe and Kendall to be her understudies. If Maddie is unavailable, one of them will take her place. Likewise, Maddie is the lead in the group number. If she’s absent, there will be no lead. Why not just plan as if she’s not going to be there? Or hey, I don’t know, make her pick which one she’d rather do. Perhaps she sacrifices a potential web series to because she is already committed to the ALDC? Not that I expect Maddie to make these decisions, but Abby and Melissa could make this easier on the poor child. Christi and Jill seem to agree. The moms (and dancers, for that matter) can’t believe how much Abby puts her dancers down while praising Maddie. At Holly’s suggestion, the moms start a tally of insults for the team versus compliments for Maddie. The results are not shocking, and it’s no wonder the girls look so defeated.
I can’t imagine the pressure most dancers feel when preparing for a national competition, but it has to be next to impossible to train when your dance teacher is the wench known as Abby Lee Miller. Dance Moms just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, does it not? On last night’s episode, Christ-y is invited to rejoin the group after Abby’s mini-me assures her boss that Sarah’s turns are improving ten-fold during her private lessons. Abby warns Christ-y to keep her mouth shut or else she and her daughter will be banned for good…again.
Instead of a pyramid, Abby has fashioned a totem pole for her ranking, and Nia is on the very bottom for not having enough facial expressions. MacKenzie is above her for being too quick, followed by Kendall for lacking turn-outs. Tea is above Kendall for being on the winning team, as is Chloe. She’s just one below Maddie who is at the top for garnering the highest score in the competition. This weekend the ALDC is heading to Michigan to compete. MacKenzie, Sarah, and Tea all receive solos. The two lowest scoring little ones will be axed from the Nationals team. Nia has the lead in the group routine which is called tribal council. Abby learns that Ava will be competing with Jeanette’s studio against Tea and MacKenzie. The moms believe that Jeanette wants to get her daughter in front of Abby one more time, but they think it’s unfair given she had her chance last week. Jeanette’s plan is surely going to backfire.