Dance Moms Recap

dance moms abby

I knew it was too much to ask for another Abby Lee Miller bye-week on Dance Moms. It’s like my week is just full of Mondays! It’s deja vu as the episode begins with the moms yet again wondering if the ALDC leader will show her face this week. Kira announces that she’s enlisted Kalani’s hometown dance teacher Alexa to work on a solo for Kira at this week’s competition in Phoenix. Jill wonders if it’s such a good idea to defy the crazy lady to whom they subject their children, but Kira retorts that if Abby has a problem with her decision, perhaps she and her daughter will leave with her original instructor. Kira also shares the rumor that Jeanette has taken over Candy Apples with good ol’ Cathy. I am not sure I’m up for all of this drama (pours wine, shovels Trader Joe’s mac and cheese into mouth for a late dinner/really ate lunch…)! 

Across town, Jeanette reveals that Cathy won’t be joining the Candy Apples in Los Angeles this week, but she’s gotten her blessing to lead the studio to victory. The Candy Apple moms must have gotten a Groupon on Botox. Jeanette cites their group number as an interpretation of people who get a taste of fame and go crazy. The ALDC girls notice that there is no pyramid set up this week, and Abby enters, totally ignoring all of the moms. Holly questions her intentions, and she coldly leads the girls in warm-up and mentions her attendance will be determined on a daily basis. Kira mentions her plans to have Kalani to work with her hometown instructor, and Abby says she’ll think about it…not.

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dance moms kendall

In case you were wondering, last night’s Dance Moms was supposed to be all about Kendall, at least that was Jill’s hope. Alas, it was not the case, but I was quite happy about Abby Lee Miller’s absence for the entire hour. I needed the break…desperately. The episode begins with the girls wondering the fate of their friend Kalani and the mothers rehashing Abby’s epic tantrum with Kira. Not surprisingly, Abby is missing in action, and Gianna pretends to now know where their fearless leader is. Gianna grants each dancer a solo in light of Nationals being five weeks away. Wait, what? Does that mean this season is going to be even longer than normal? Geez. JoJo announces that she won’t be competing this week because she’s opening for Kids Bop at Disneyland. I have no clue what that means, but way to go?!?

As Kendall works on her routine, Gianna goads her about losing to Nia the previous week, and Holly questions how Kendall’s single is doing. Jill beams that the song, which dropped this week, is number one in Ireland, and Holly gushes about how exciting that is. However, it’s pretty obvious she only asked to segue into what’s going on with Nia’s budding pop career. I expected more from you, Holly! Jessalyn wonders if Jill is upset that Abby isn’t around to show her support for Kendall’s single, and Jill admits neither she nor Kendall ever know where they stand with Abby. Well, duh…she’s unstable! Nia and Holly then meet with Nia’s manager/producer who wants her to try her hand at rapping. Holly can’t wait to gloat share this news with the other moms. 

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dance moms abby 2

Remember that time that Abby Lee Miller pitted sister against sister and lost her cool anytime she felt threatened by another competing studio? Of course, you do…it was only last week! This week she serves up even more drama on Dance Moms, ousting Kira and Kalani and prompting many cry faces from her dancers.

The episode begins with the ALDC meeting in her shell of a new studio for the pyramid. She claims her contractor has promised that they will be dancing in the space in three weeks, my my very meager knowledge of renovations says otherwise. Abby begins by harping on the group’s second place finish the most recent competition, and then congratulates a missing MacKenzie on scoring a bit guest spot on a Nickelodeon show. She also reminds the troupe that MackZ is her last first place winner, and all of the girls now standing in front of her are just first losers. Jill and Kira interrupt to say that the girls are suffering from the lack of dance classes being offered in LA…which is none. When Holly agrees, Abby draws the line…the ALDC can either take classes or pursue stardom, but not both.

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dance moms pyramid

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m still reeling by Mother of the Year Melissa admitting that MacKenzie should have lost to older sister Maddie on last week’s Dance Moms. What doozies does she have in store for us this week? And what kind of hateful ridiculousness will Abby Lee Miller emulate as the ALDC goes head-to-head with the West Coast’s equivalent of the Candy Apples? So many questions regarding last night’s episode, so let’s dive right in, shall we? 

The episode begins with the girls joking about the previous competition. Of course, MacKenzie has earned her a spot at the top of the pyramid, and Maddie teases that her tap routines never lose, so it’s game on against her sister. All of the dancers agree that Abby won’t be too bitter about the group loss since she can blame it on Michael Jackson’s choreographer. Kendall is on the bottom of the pyramid, and Jill bites her tongue. A shocked JoJo follows, with Abby claiming she is capable of doing better. Nia rounds out the bottom, with Kalani in third on the second rung, and Maddie as runner up for losing to her sister. MacKenzie earned her place in the pyramid’s first place ranking. 

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dance moms girls

First, I need to offer my sincerest apologies for missing last week’s Dance Moms premiere recap, but you’ll have to take that up with Mother Nature and her nasty thunderstorms and ridiculously long (and hot and oh so muggy!) power outages. Second, did we really miss much? Abby Lee Miller, true to fashion, flaked on practice and was extra nasty to over compensate for her evident insecurities caused by relocating to Los Angeles. Jill discovered once again that no matter how much bum she kisses, Kendall will never be Abby’s favorite. Basically, Abby was mean, yada yada yada, Nia was discounted, Holly was fuming, Jill was confused as to what exactly she needs to do to cement Kendall in Abby’s good graces, and Maddie was revered. A recap in one paragraph…who knew my wordy self was capable of such a thing? 

It’s the second week in LA for the ALDC (this time around, at least), and the moms are still harping on Abby’s erratic behavior. Why anyone is still surprised by her antics is beyond me! The moms are surprised that Abby is in attendance at rehearsal (ehh, she’s “slightly” there), and Abby takes no time building up Maddie and tearing down Nia who doesn’t back down to her teacher. At. All. Go Nia! Of course, Nia ends up on the bottom of the pyramid followed by JoJo for timing errors. Shockingly, Maddie rounds out the bottom rung for not standing out in the group routine. MacKenzie is third for taking direction well, and Kendall is runner up to Kalani’s top spot on the pyramid. Kendall didn’t perform last week, but her video premiered which garnered her a higher spot. Kalani reigns supreme for her exceptional solo. So she forgot a few eight-counts…she improvised like a champ. Jill interrupts to say that a family commitment will keep Kendall from performing this week, but Kendall promises she’ll still be at rehearsals. Abby’s eye rolls say it all. 

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dance moms nia jojo

Well, apparently the hemisphere doesn’t make a difference when it comes to Abby Lee Miller’s hateful ways, but the mothers on last night’s Dance Moms may have annoyed me even more than the tyrannical teacher. At least we got to see some precious animals and some great performances. The girls are spending their down time feeding kangaroos and koalas, and even though Holly, Nia, Jessalyn, and JoJo are in attendance, the girls won’t be performing in the upcoming expo with their ALDC teammates. Kira and Kalani are touring Sydney on their own, and Holly finds it odd that Nia attends everything and isn’t included, but the opposite is true for Kira and Kalani.

The group number is a Mad Max theme, and Holly interrupts to share that Nia will be giving a concert in Melbourne the same day the group will perform. She’d love to have all of her friends and Nia’s teammates to come show their support. Jill doesn’t see how they’ll be able to do both their performance and Nia’s show in one day–sorry! Abby doesn’t even pretend to hide her disgust, rolling her eyes and making faces. Jessalyn then scolds the team for making fun of JoJo after a video was leaked online. The girls offer up their apologies, and JoJo handles herself more maturely than any of the mothers. Holly and Jessalyn complain that their daughters are being excluded, but Jill believes this is Holly’s punishment for not allowing Abby to manage Nia’s music career. Jessalyn confronts Abby about why some dancers are constantly criticized, yet others can make big mistakes that are never addressed. To whom could she be referring? Abby shares that she tends to humiliate those who repeat mistakes in hopes of making them realize their issues. Jill breaks it down in simpler terms…Maddie is protected from criticism.

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dance moms abby

G’day readers!  It looks like we’re all still gluttons for punishment when it comes to Abby Lee Miller and the drama of Dance Moms, but this time we’re cringing while the girls explore an entirely different hemisphere. Koala bears make even the nastiest of people much easier to tolerate, right? Plus, those accents! Abby arrives at the airport, and of course, things are stressful right from the start. Abby has misplaced her passport (and license and credit cards) and there are tears, y’all! The ALDC has already arrived in Australia to perform at the Astra Awards which Jill touts as Down Under’s Emmys. Note to Jill…save the duck face for the tweens!

Melissa, who has clearly opted for the international data plan, calls Abby to find out why she’s missing in action. When Abby laments that she’s lost her passport, Melissa starts listing places where Abby could have left it. Geez, Melissa! If she knew where she left it, it wouldn’t be lost. Glad to see some things don’t change with the time zones! Abby won’t be arriving until the day of the event, and she suggests that only Maddie perform since she won’t be there to micromanage. Hold up! Jill and Holly interject that all of the girls were invited to participate, to which Abby retorts, “Show me your invitation.” When Jill counters that Maddie didn’t receive a personal invitation, Abby snarks that she can pull up the e-mail that specifically requests Maddie’s presence. Abby warns Holly that she won’t put up with any of her crap. After all, Holly, Nia. Jessalyn, and JoJo weren’t included in Abby’s plans…they are just tagging along for the trip.

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dance moms group routine

I’d say congratulations are in order, dear readers! Cheers to each one of you for making it through yet another extra-long season of Dance Moms with the always controversial Abby Lee Miller at the helm. Last night was the last reunion before Abby packs her bags and opens an ALDC franchise in Los Angeles. As always, executive producer Jeff Collins rules the sofa roost, but this time, the once silver fox has died his hair a special shade of carrot and gotten himself a spray tan. Fame, y’all!

Abby is the first one who joins Jeff on the stage, and he brings up her now contentious relationship with Holly. Abby feels Holly’s jealousy runs deep, and she believes that her dancers are a success because every last one of them is chasing Maddie’s fame. Nia’s turn will come, she admonishes. Jeff summons Holly to the couch, and Jeff shows footage of Abby lying about saying Maddie and Kalani were the only ones who would ever book jobs. Holly cites her frustrations stemming from Abby attacking the children to retaliate when she’s upset with the mothers. All Holly wants is for her daughter to be treated with respect, but Abby doesn’t care to try to repair their relationship. Holly has several fond memories with Abby that she holds dear, but Abby remains stone-faced. Thankfully, the girls take the stage to perform their Stomp the Yard group number inspired by Orange is the New Black. More dancing, less mindless bickering please!

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