Thanks for tuning in to episode 1,000,314 of this season’s Dance Moms. You, like myself, must be a total glutton for punishment! Abby Lee Miller was up to her old tricks again, although this time she wasn’t yelling. Instead she was incessantly praising her star Maddie. Don’t get me wrong, I think Maddie is ridiculously talented and it’s not her fault her teacher alienates her with favoritism. However, it was a bit odd given that Maddie wasn’t present on last night’s episode to receive said praise. After a successful competition last week, the girls are missing Maddie who is performing on SNL with Sia. Melissa hates that she isn’t in New York with her daughter but she has to be there to support her other daughter…what’s her name? Oh, yeah, MacKenzie. I may just call her Maddie’s sister to make it easier. After all, that seems to be how everyone else refers to her.
Abby congratulates the team on a clean sweep and cites that it’s quite a big deal she’s chosen to be in Philly with them instead of in the Big Apple with Maddie. Jessalyn is excited to be returning to LA in a week now that JoJo has a team jacket. What a tease! The previews insinuated they were heading back to L.A. this week! How long are they trying to make this season? Is it lasting until 2018? Abby reminds her team that they are pretty much nothing without Maddie, but she’ll be interested to see how they fare in Maddie’s absence. She’s guessing not very well…
So remember years and year ago when Abby Lee Miller was just a teacher and Dance Moms was actually enjoyable to watch? Am I recalling it correctly, or have I clouded my memory with more positive thoughts in an effort to combat the negativity I have to watch now. It’s a total mind game. You know who else likes mind games? Sia. On last night’s episode, the world is finally introduced to this video. Many found it to be artistic, some found it to be highly inappropriate, but I was just happy to see Shia LeBeouf dancing around in a cage. People think he’s weird and controversial, but he’ll always be Louis Stevens to me. And now Louis Stevens is dancing around in a cage with Maddie the dirty wolf. What’s so wrong with that?
Maddie is excited about the video’s release, but she has a hard time explaining the concept to a confused Jill. Jill decides to just call it “artistic” and “open to interpretation” and be done with it. The other moms freak out when they learn that Kathy and her Candy Apples have assembled a brand new team of Abby’s “rejects” (Kira’s word, not mind), and they will be competing against the ALDC this week. Abby is livid, but she needs to focus on the pyramid. Kendall and Nia are on the bottom for not placing in their solos. JoJo, MacKenzie, and Kalani make up the second row for doing a wonderful job in their losing group number. Maddie maintains her place in the top spot. There will be no solos this week, as Abby wants to celebrate Maddie’s wonderful duet with Shia. She pairs Maddie with Kalani for one duet, and she pairs Kendall with JoJo for a Freaky Friday number. MacKenzie and Nia are partnered for a scary duet, which leads up to a murder in the group routine.
Is there an end in sight to this season of Dance Moms? I don’t know about y’all, but I’m Abby Lee Millered out! After a victory over the Candy Apples, the girls are actually looking forward to pyramid. Holly stills feels tension with the other friends, and JoJo laughs that Kathy exceeded her expectations when it came to crazy antics. The team is excited to have scored a win with a tried-and-true lyrical number, but Holly wants Abby to push the girls like she was doing before they went to Los Angeles. Lyrical is easy for them. Not for Nia, Abby snaps. Holly, I’m with you on how unfair all of this is, but it’s not going to change, and you’re just making it worse by expressing your opinion. It’s tragic all around. Jill speaks up to back Holly by saying that the girls are up to the task to do more challenging numbers. Well, Jill, those dances don’t win, and what’s more important in competition than winning?
Abby has come up with a great project for the girls. She’s asked all of the dancers to make a pros and cons list as to whether JoJo should be allowed a permanent spot on the team. Hearing it from her peers will make it more real for her. According to MacKenzie, JoJo is loud and crazy, but kind and hard-working. Jessalyn looks on proudly at her daughter’s resolve, but I think we’re one teammate down and JoJo’s already about to burst into tears. Maddie cites her ability to take direction but notes her timing issues. Nia claims she takes opportunities away from other girls who have been with the ALDC longer, and Kendall calls her respectful. Everyone says she’s either too loud or two crazy. Poor JoJo stares stone-faced only moving to wipe the tears before they can roll down her cheeks. Holly is proud of how JoJo is handling herself. In the end, JoJo earns an ALDC jacket and a spot on the team. Because the group routine was so strong, all of the girls are on the same pyramid level…except Maddie. She’s on top for her highest scoring solo. Maddie looks slightly uncomfortable for being singled out from the team, but Melissa beams.
Abby Lee Miller, whatever are we going to do with you? Last night’s Dance Moms was the Brynn show with the talented newbie pitted against Abby’s favorite, the unbeatable Maddie. Is she Maddie 2.0? After being absent last week so that her mother could tend to her diabetic brother, Brynn returns with mother Ashley to the ALDC. Jill predicts Abby had to have been incredibly persuasive to woo them to Pittsburgh.
At pyramid, Nia is on the bottom for not placing in her solo. JoJo follows with Abby citing an actual improvement–JoJo didn’t stand out in the group routine, she conformed…and nicely at that! MacKenzie rounds out the lowest tier with praise for comprehending choreography so well. MackZ is all smiles, but it’s clear from Melissa’s face that she expected a higher ranking. Kendall is in third overall for an exceptional solo. It’s Kendall’s birthday, and Abby warns that a birthday means that she’s back competing against Maddie. Perhaps she should have stayed eleven forever. Maddie is in second, and if you thought Melissa was peeved about MacKenzie’s spot on the pyramid, it wasn’t anything compared to her sour face at this news! Kalani finally makes the top spot for winning the teen solo division as well as being the highest scoring soloist of the day.
Well, the ALDC had a good run in Los Angeles, but it wasn’t good enough for Abby Lee Miller (what is ever good enough for her?). On last night’s Dance Moms, the team, the catty moms and the dance teacher from hell returned to Pennsylvania to continue their unique brand of drama. Holly is still fired up about Abby’s treatment of Nia in regard to Aubry O’Day and the Matty B video, and she’s upset with her fellow mothers for supporting Abby even when she was being completely unreasonable. Jill is on edge as well for being the only mom on Team Abby. Y’all know I’m not counting Melissa on that team as that’s just who she is. Back at the ALDC studio, the moms are tense as MacKenzie shares that she’ll be singing live in New York City. At least someone’s children are benefiting from Abby’s stellar management skills!
At pyramid, Abby berates her team for not being ready for L.A. She only coaches winners. Maddie is exempt from criticism because she wasn’t in the fray of insanity as she was busy guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. Jill interrupts to remind Abby of her loyalty and hopes that everyone (read: Kendall) will now be in Abby’s good graces to reap the rewards in a quest for stardom. At first, I think Abby is going along with Jill’s flattery, but she quickly retorts that Maddie is the breakout because of Maddie’s talent (I’ll give Abby that for sure!), not because of Abby’s management. It must be hard for her not to take credit. Brynn is missing because her brother has serious diabetes and needs to be monitored. As Kira relays this news, Abby barks that they aren’t here to rip on Brynn. Um, Kira was simply stating that some things take precedent over dance, right? Kira can be a pot stirrer, but I don’t think that was her intention in this instance.
I’d like to channel my inner Australian and boycottAbby Lee Miller. Seriously, Dance Moms was never exactly a picnic to watch, but this is getting, wait, no, this IS absolutely ridiculous and almost unbearable. We last left off with a disastrous situation on the set of YouTube sensation Matty B’s music video. Melissa, when will you learn that you don’t sign a contract without reading it? Recording artist Mack Z isn’t getting billing credit! The producer pulls Melissa aside to share his conversation with Abby, and MacKenzie is going to be pulled from the video. NO! Abby bellows that all of her “clients'” cannot participate in the video. Holly interjects to remind Abby that the legal issue is that MacKenzie’s recording contract may render her ineligible according to Abby, but what’s wrong with the dancers? As their manager, Abby believes the moms must follow her lead.
Kira just wants her daughter to dance, as does some new mom whose name I won’t bother to learn…yet. Well, maybe all their daughters will ever be is just back-up dancers according to Abby. Jill caves to Abby’s bullying, and Abby cannot believe that Holly has once again stabbed her in the back. They are going against her team. Melissa thinks this is just another example of the other girls not getting the opportunities that her girls get because they refuse to follow Abby’s direction. Holly leaves the decision up to Nia, and Nia wants to dance in the video, as to JoJo and Kalani. The new moms recognize that Nia has the most to lose given that she’s an original team member.
It’s safe to say that Dance Moms has hit an iceberg with Abby Lee Miller at the helm. It’s the girls final week in Los Angeles, and Abby’s eye make-up is shiny and overdone and her hair is sprayed sky high, so some may say she’s back to normal. Abby announces that Maddie is absent as she’s guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. She’s brought in two girls to hopefully fill her void. Well, looky, here…it’s Tracey’s daughter Sarah and Brynn and her mom Ashley. Both ladies are Kira’s nemeses from her former studio.
In the pyramid, Nia is on the bottom since she wasn’t allowed to compete. JoJo is fifth since she placed fifth in the competition and sometimes acts like a five-year-old. Ouch. Jessalyn interrupts to talk about how good her daughter performed. Abby remind them both that JoJo failed to watch the movie Carrie as instructed. Um, if I didn’t say it last week, I’m saying it now…that movie is far too scary for someone that age. When JoJo retorts that she didn’t want to be scared in her hotel room, Abby rips her picture of the pyramid. Jessalyn yells that her daughter deserves to be on the pyramid. Wrong word choice! Abby shrieks that JoJo deserves nothing, and JoJo fights back tears. Abby screams that she will not have crying children in her studio, and JoJo responds that if Abby is going to yell at her, she’s probably going to cry. Of course, this gets poor JoJo banished. Melissa notes that none of the other ALDC girls would be crying like that. I think they should be more concerned that their girls are belittled and treated so badly that they no longer have tears left!
Abby Lee Miller makes me want to break my television set. You mess with Nia, you mess with me! Last night’s Dance Moms was just more of Abby’s downward spiral into mean madness and delusion…and to be honest, I didn’t think she had much farther she could go! Boy, was I wrong!
After the ALDC’s first competition in Los Angeles where Abby was missing in action most of the time, she is back and more hateful than ever. I wanted to spit nails just watching her. When the group gets to a new studio, the moms and dancers wonder if Abby will even arrive at rehearsal. Holly has reached out to Aubrey O’Day (formerly of Danity Kane) to see if she would be interested in working with Nia. Abby beckons her students in with the shrieks of a banshee, yelling that the girls first attempt to compete in LA was “FAILURE!” Holly and Jill speak up to remind Abby that she was absent all last week so it’s not fair to blame the girls. Abby refuses to tell the mothers where she was the previous week, and Holly continues to ask her whereabouts. Holly then cites Abby’s unprofessional behavior during Nia’s casting call, and she screams that Abby is a shallow, nasty woman. She’s not Kelly or Christi and she accuses the other mothers of being cowards for not supporting her and standing up to Abby. Holly is sobbing and poor Nia is in limbo as Abby smirks.