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Dance Moms

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Let's revel in how horrid and scripted last night's Dance Moms was, shall we?  If I didn't love these precious little talented girls so much, I'd be kicking Abby Lee Miller and her momtourage to the curb…and out of my DVR season pass!  I do agree with one thing Abby said in her recent interview–viewers need to be treated to more dancing and less drama (Abby's hateful shenanigans included!).

Abby receives a phone call from a judge at last week's competition in Greensboro.  There was an error in scoring, and Maddie and Kendall's Sugar and Spice solo was actually supposed to get second place, not the top prize they were awarded.  Abby seems to salivate at the mouth over this news, as it validates her argument that Kendall screwed up her part.  We all know what second place is, right?  Say it with me, folks…first losers! 

Abby goes into pyramid with the smuggest of smug looks on her face.  She tells her dancers that she was unimpressed by all of their dancing regardless of how well they place.  Abby takes great pleasure in sharing the mathematical error that caused Sugar and Spice to take first place when they were really supposed to be first loser.  She goes after Kendall and wonders if she thinks she's as good as Sophia…guess what, she's not.  Wait, who is Sophia again?  Oh yeah, that little girl that danced once and hasn't been back for two episodes.  A dear Chloe consoles her tearful friend who finds herself back at the very bottom of the pyramid.  Joining Kendall at the bottom is Maddie.  Abby explains that if her duet partner falters, she falls with her.  Nia is also on the bottom for an "okay job."  Paige and Chloe make up the second tier.  Paige moves up for placing in the top five, and Chloe joins her for exceling in the group number.  An excited MacKenzie is at the top of the pyramid, and she has earned her spot back in the group number.  A very present Brooke is still nowhere to be found in Abby's hierarchy.

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I think my world has been turned slightly upside down.  Dance Moms' Abby Lee Miller may not be as bad as I think she is every Tuesday night.  She spoke with a local newscaster in Michigan, and the pair had a frank sit-down about the background behind the show.  Abby even chastises him for only having watched one episode of her show.

It's a long chat, but Abby actually makes some valid points.  She also dishes on how the show came to light, and it's not what I expected.  It appears that Abby has been a victim of reality television as well.  Is it scripted?  Duh.  Does drama create ratings?  Bravo 101.  Would Abby like the show to focus more on the kids and their dancing than manufactured craziness?  I honestly believe she does.  If you could ever knock me over with a feather, now would be the time!

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On last night's Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller was just as out of control as usual.  If she could get any uglier to these girls, I'm not sure I want to see it!  The moms, thankfully, were relatively calm, and the girls, as always, were totally sweet and supportive to each other. 

Abby reveals the pyramid.  On the bottom is Chloe, which Christi is actually okay with for once.  Chloe did forget her choreography.  Nia and MacKenzie join her on the bottom…Nia for not taking corrections well, and MacKenzie for messing up the red carpet at the beginning of the previous group routine.  Abby says she will never forgive MacKenzie for ruining the beginning of the group number..you remember, the one she never had the opportunity to practice before that moment.  Dramatic much?  She will not be invited to participate in group numbers going forward.  Paige rounds out the lowest tier of the pyramid.  Maddie is on the second level, and Abby mocks her for having Sophia's hairstyle but not her intensity.  Kendall joins Maddie on the second tier.  An absent Sophia takes the top spot.  Melissa now knows what the other mothers feel like when their daughters are belittled.

The upcoming competition will be in Greensboro, North Carolina.  Kelly brings up the fact that Brooke is not on the pyramid, and she wants to know if Brooke is still on the team.  Abby is upset that Brooke didn't practice on the weekend after she was kicked out of the group number last minute, and she won't let Brooke participate this week either.  MacKenzie is allowed to block out Sophia's part in the group number since Sophia is in Los Angeles filming a movie.  Of course, Abby loves that.  The dance is about immigration.  MacKenzie and Paige score solos, while Maddie and Kendall will have a duet.  The girls are excited, but Melissa is not.  She's not used to Maddie not having a solo. 

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Last night's Dance Moms was not fun to watch.  Sure, the girls were as cute and talented as ever, the moms are as crazy as ever, and Abby Lee Miller was over the top hateful.  I have to keep reminding myself that it's scripted, but those poor girls were treated so badly.  I am so sick of watching Abby take out her frustrations with the mothers on her dancers.  They are nothing but sweet…well, I'm not so sure about the new squeaky voiced one.

The replacement team is still in place, and while Abby isn't thrilled with their second place finish last week, she feels that this group is much easier to work with than the originals.  However, the old moms (or "real dance moms" as Christi calls them) are back having a pow-wow in the parking lot.  Kelly has returned because, although she hates how Abby treats her daughters, the girls miss the studio and their friends.  In the studio, Abby calls Shelly to find out where her daughter Ally is…and she's back in New Orleans.  Shelly wasn't going to have the other moms blaming her daughter for the group dance coming in second, and Abby understands her frustration.  She's now livid with the other moms, and she is going to let the remaining new moms know, and she kicks out the two mothers who blamed Ally for the finish.  Their daughters are in tears, and I hate it for the girls.  Abby doesn't care.  She's fine just having Sophia on her team.

The OG moms have finally gotten the courage to enter the studio, but Kelly stays behind so as not to piss off Abby anymore.  Since Abby now has some openings, she invites the moms to quit loitering in the parking lot and come in and dance.  Holly says that she's got God on her side…"and God on your thighs" says Abby under her breath.  Glass houses?  She gives the moms an ultimatum about signing the contract and being loyal to her and not to Kelly.  Jill and Melissa quickly cave, and Christi and Holly agree to sign as long as Abby will entertain Kelly's girls rejoining the team.  Kelly comes in to speak with Abby and ends up (kind of) apologizing, and she signs her contract.  Jill is shocked to see Jacqueline and her daughter Sophia.  Abby puts all of the original team on the bottom of the pyramid, with Sophia at the top. 

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There was a coup on last night's Dance Moms, and it was amazing.  Abby Lee Miller plans to replace the entire ALDS company after the moms go AWOL in an attempt to bring back Kelly.  The star this season seems to be Scripty McFauxdrams.  Unfortunately for Abby, only one of her super group performs to her highness' expectations.  The original girls don't care…they attract enough attention at their own event!

Christi, Holly, Melissa, and Jill are trying to figure out how to scheme Kelly's way back into the studio.  Abby can't believe how strangely the mothers are acting when they all head into the restroom together.  The moms have decided to have a stand-off with Abby.  They refuse to take part in the pyramid, and they plan on sitting silently in the lounge area.  Hard core!  Abby is getting a freeze out whenever she attempts conversation.  The girls are no where to be found as well.  Abby calls Melissa and leaves her a threatening voicemail.  Does Melissa really want to jeopardize her daughters' future for Kelly and her girls?  Abby is now solely focusing on Ally's solo, and Shelly is curious as to the missing moms.  Ally is overwhelmed by the pressure that Abby is putting on her in light of her troupe's absence.

The moms seem to be staging a sit-in in the studio parking lot.  Abby is getting the cold shoulder, and no one will look at her nor will they respond.  Abby is berating the mothers, and I have to say that these women are getting to be better actors as the seasons continue…because that is clearly what they are doing.  Abby decides to take matters into her own hands and calls the police.  She's got trespassers, y'all!  Abby is laughing maniacally at her diabolical plan as the officers swarm the parking lot.  Yes, the moms' behavior is childish, but I so love to see them working together for a common and unselfish goal.

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I'll be honest, I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this premiere…or the season for that matter.  Of course, I can't wait…especially when we get to see a glimpse into Abby Lee Miller's love life.  There seemed to be a lot scripted, but it was still flipping amazing. 

The third season of Dance Moms starts with the girls and moms reunite in the parking lot after a long break during the competition season.  Noticeably absent are Kelly, Paige, and BrookeAbby is beyond pissed at Kelly for breaking up the team, but she's equally as upset with the other girls for not consistently coming to practice during their break…news she just found out having spent her break in L.A. filming her spin-off competition show.  She immediately tosses the pyramid head shots in the trash because none of them belong on the top, and the girls become teary when Abby announces that she's holding an audition to replace Brooke and Paige before the group heads to a competition in Denver. 

The girls are rehearsing their group number, Angels and Demons…except now it's just Angel Singular and Demons because that's what happens when people are quitters.  Is it just me or when Abby describes the characters in her choreography do you think she's envisioning herself as the victim or protagonist?  "This dance is about an angel who is strong, but she has all of these horrible awful bleached blonde crazies with acrylic nails demons trying to tear her apart."  Give me a break!  In the viewing room, Jill is hoping that she can get the other moms onboard with calling for a reinstatement of the pyramid.  She hates Abby trashed it without giving her daughter any opportunity to be at the top.

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It's a Dance Mom's extravaganza!  Lifetime knows a good thing when it pas de bourées in the ratings, and the network is going to milk this cash cow for all it's worth.  You know what that means?  It means that last night you were treated to two and half hours of Abby Lee Miller and the drama mamas.  It felt like Christmas all over again, didn't it?

In the hour leading up to the season three premiere, Jeff Collins returned to lead yet another reunion type show, only this time the ladies would be highlighting the upcoming drama instead of rehashing the past.  Let's see how this works.  Abby is wearing a lot of sequins and bling and spray tan.  Taking a few questions from the studio audience, she reveals that she has a special man in her life, and the mothers are the most selfish people on the planet.  Okey, dokey.  Poor Jeff looks one Ambien shy of hibernation, but luckily the stage setting mirrors (literally!) Abby's outfit, so all the twinkling should keep him awake at least until the premiere begins.  He is going to bring out the moms to have some one-on-one time with Abby and the audience.

Holly is the first to untangle her way through the sequined streamers, and she is wearing a tomato red number that seems to combine the finest vinyl with raw silk.  Abby immediately comments about it under her breath to Jeff.  Holly often gets on Abby's nerves, what with her professional demeanor and her need to analyze things.   Holly takes one audience member's question, and responds with a non-answer before making a swift exit.

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Abby Lee Miller and her troupe of over the top crazy mothers will be dancing back onto Lifetime soon for the third season of Dance Moms.  Personally, I'm more looking forward to seeing the super talented kids than the mama drama, but I know I can't have one without the other!  It helps to think that they are all really just amping up the insanity for the cameras, because I truly believe that all of the moms are actually good friends, and Abby can't really behave like she does in real life.  Right?

Melissa Gisoni is mom to Abby's pet Maddie and spitfire MacKenzie.  She's often criticized by the other ladies for brown nosing Abby, as well as the amount of special treatment Maddie garners.  Her recent engagement was a story line in the sophomore season, with Melissa's lawyer sending all of her co-star moms cease and desist letters when they mentioned her fiance on the show.  Okay, so maybe they aren't that good of friends…

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