Desiree Hartsock's season of the Bachelorette premieres in one month. In real time, Desiree has narrowed her pool of possible husbands down to three, though Reality Steve has already chosen the winner.
"From what I'm hearing, Desiree's choice in the end will not surprise anyone," Steve tweeted on April 17. "She's apparently known from early on who she liked the most." Steve went on to name the guy earlier this week; however, he also predicted a less than rosy future for Desiree.
Reality Steve's expert opinion is – you might want to sit down for this! – the guy that Desiree most likely chooses doesn't seem to be ready for – are you sitting down? – marriage! GASP! NO! SAY IT ISN'T SO!
ABC released the Desiree's promo photos for the season. Nice Photoshop! She is flashing a big smile and snuggling some roses, of course. Hopefully they're been de-thorned. Desiree's season has been given the vomit-inducing slogan "Her time to dream." And she apparently has some major struggles choosing the one, of course.
"I just can't even believe I'm here. And with the support of everyone? It's just such a blessing," Desireegushed about being The Bachelorette. "I could have never imagined signing up for The Bachelor and having this opportunity. I'm just overcome with happiness."
Bad news for fans of the Bachelor Pad. The Bachelor Pad, the place where Bachelor and Bachelorette castoffs go to catch diseases 15 more minutes of fame and a second chance at love to win $250,000, will not air this summer.
Mike Fleiss, the mastermind behind all things Bachelor, nonchalantly tweeted the news. I'm kind of crushed, as Bachelor Pad is trashy summer TV at its finest, and I definitely need more of an explanation!
Reality Steve, the spoiler king behind all things Bachelor, weighed in on the issue. "Not surprised," Reality Steve tweeted. "Ratings good but didn't "fit" with ABC/Disney image."
Sean will be partnering with Peta Murgatroyd. He announced he's already living in L.A. and practicing in his dancing shoes, but with all the grinding he's doing against Peta I don't know when he's going to find the time to actually be engaged to another woman! Aaahhh… it's the Bachelor right?!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON, BUT BE WARNED FOR MILD SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED LAST NIGHT'S SHOW!
As always, it's two hours of engaging video recaps, heartfelt bachelorette retells, and passionate audience reactions all centered around Sean Lowe. Errr, when I say engaging, heartfelt, and passionate, I really mean repetitive, catty, and obnoxious.
Eighteen of Sean's rejected bachelorettes – Diana Willardson, Ashley Palenkas, Brooke Burchette, Daniella McBride, Amanda Meyer, Jackie Parr, Kacie Boguskie, Leslie Hughes, Kristy Kaminski, Taryn Daniels, Katie Levans, Robyn Howard, Sarah Herron, Selma Alameri, Lesley Murphy, AshLee Frazier, Tierra LiCausi, and Desiree Hartsock – show up for the event.
The hometown dates are usually either really boring, when the families are completely willing to accept the Bachelor into their lives after only two hours, or really awkward, when one or two family members remain skeptical and/or actively sabotage. Sean's hometown dates are no exception.
"Family is so big for me," Sean says. "This is a great week for me to really get a good sense of where these women come from." Based on the intro, it appears as if AshLee comes from Baggageville, Catherine's sisters are Cinderella levels of jealous, Lindsay comes from The Happy Locker, and Desiree's brother (Holla!) is a Menace II Reality TV Love.
Selma Alameri is/was one of my favorite bachelorettes on the Bachelor this season. Please. Don't confuse "favorite bachelorette" with "the one" for Sean Lowe. It is more about whom I find entertaining and likable and less about whom I think Sean should pretend to be in love with for three to six months.
Unfortunately, Sean kicked Selma to the curb after she refused to take part in the Polar Bear Plunge in Canada. Personally, I wouldn't have done it either, and I admire Selma for staying true to herself rather than selling out for a one in nine chance at a bound-to-fail relationship with Sean.
Sean tried to talk Selma into taking the plunge – saying things like you only live once and once in a lifetime opportunity – but she stood her ground. "I told him that if anybody was in danger, I would jump in and save them," Selma said. "But just to jump in for no reason, just to prove something to somebody, I said 'I don't feel like I should put my life at risk like that.' Once I have it in my head, 'no is no' – I won't be peer pressured."
While the wilderness races in Montana and the polar bear plunges in Canada were a ton of fun, Sean Lowe is looking forward to spending the next week in the beautiful St. Croix. Hopefully, a warmer climate means Tierra LiCausi might make it through one week without catching hypothermia or suffering a similar major medical drama. My luck… Tierra will get attacked by a shark… Sean will give her another pity rose.
Even in paradise Tierra complains within minutes. She isn't happy about the shared sleeping arrangements and rolls a cot into a sitting room, saying, "I'm not about to share some room with girls I don't care for. I'm not friends with girls who like my boyfriends. I think it's just better for me to have my own private space." Later, Lesley quips, "I want to roll away her rollaway into the freaking ocean." Amen.
Now Tierra is whining about how she hasn't had a one-on-one date with Sean even though he's "crazy" about her. News Flash: Sean is crazy about all of the girls! Tierra thinks she should be Sean's highest priority at this point; however, AshLee scores the first date. A bitter Tierra refers to AshLee as a cougar. AshLee is only 32 years old, mind you, and Tierra is obviously an immature 24-year-old bitch.