Oh Florida – poor state victimized by Jersification at the hands of Real Housewives Of New Jersey. They spewed their drama all over your pure Boca beaches and left nothing but the reeking wreckage of poison, Dunkin’ Donuts cups, purloined Virginia Slims, and deflated twins.
Jim and Amber Marchese are holding the living room hostage and Bobby has finally emerged from the bathroom. What a good little trooper! Mommy wiped his tushy and he skulked downstairs to be polite. Bobby is afraid of a pissy Jimonster revealing his secrets – like that secret girlfriend he has stashed away! And Jim has seen photographic proof!
Bobby denies it, then stomps back upstairs to hide in the bathroom. But not before yelling “Figaaarooooo” from the top of the stairs. Bobby the expression is, “It’s not over til the fat lady sings.” Unfortunately your IQ under 12 misinterpreted that as, “It’s not over until the stumpy guido bellows off-key.” Lucky for Bobby he has ever-desperate ever-loving Nicole Napolitano to hold down the fort from HurricaneJim. She fails. Big time.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from this week! Enjoy!
Above: Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes shared, “Tried a new curly do yesterday just 4 fun. Lawd this hair bout drove me crazy! By the end of the day, I had it pinned up all kinds of crazy. I couldn’t even drive my car wit this hair. I’m really just a short hair girl! It was fun tryin tho… back to my short blonde do in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”
Amber took to her blog to walk us through her take on the drama that ensued in Florida. Basically nothing is Amber’s fault and nothing is Jim Marchese‘s fault. And Bobby Ciasulli is arrogant because he didn’t bow down and kiss Jim’s feet, Teresa Aprea is a nasty woman, and Dina Manzo is guilty of setting up a blood bath in Amber’s honor.
“This is a difficult blog for me to write, because it will be a lot of explaining Jim’s perspective as I was outside with Dina and trying to get Bobby to come out of the bathroom,” said Amber. “I can say, I wish that none of it happened and feel that it was a mistake to mix alcohol with friends that have so many unresolved issues. Jim does not think any of these people are my true friends and thought I was being set up plain and simple. And now seeing how Dina told the twins, his hunch was damn accurate.”
“Have you ever heard of an empath? Well I am one of the many roaming the earth; I absorb feelings and emotions around me, and let me tell you, the range of emotions in this Boca house was off the charts,” explains Dina.
Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Recalling the last two episodes, Nicole shared, “The scene that I found most annoying was Amber being so nosey and prying into Teresa Giudice‘s business. It was bad enough to bring the cameras into church on a solemn day to show how holy the Marcheses are (how Pharisaic), but then she leaves the church to make a phone call to Teresa Giudice. It was almost embarrassing how Amber could not take the hint that Teresa did NOT want to speak about it.”
“I must start off with kudos to Dina! Finally someone with a brain! I called Dina and thanked her for making sense of complete nonsense,” said Teresa. “Three key points she made: First, as soon as she heard the rumor from Teresa Giudice, she said, ‘I do not believe that at all.’ Second, ‘It didn’t happen.’ And third, Dina’s comment in her interview was that she was more offended that someone would talk about someone’s mother. Thank you, Dina.”
In another massively long-winded missive, Amber lambasts Dina Manzo for being a ish-stirrer and blaming her for the Victoria Gotti rumor. After all, Teresa Giudice shares 50% of the blame. Silly Amber – doesn’t she know Teresa is never, ever, like ever responsible for anything bad?!
First of all, Amber calls Dina out on being faux-happy that Amber and Jim were meeting the group in Florida. “Did anyone catch Dina’s reaction to my call. She did not exactly seem pleased we were coming down or excited that I was in good health. I get the rumor was on her mind, but that was not exactly fair to me.”