Are my eyes deceiving me?!? Has Amber Marchese written her shortest Real Housewives of New Jersey blog of the season? Yes, I think she has. Thank you, Jesus! In the blog, Amber schooled us about what happens at a reunion, questioned whether or not Dina Manzo has a heart, defended her use of “The Cancer” ad nauseam, and sided with Jacqueline Laurita in the messy Laurita/ Manzo family feud.
“Hello Housewife friends,” exclaimed Amber. “Welcome to the jungle baby! My first reunion was a wild ride. Call me sick and twisted, but I had an unbelievable time at the reunion when most, I have been warned, dread it. I felt like it was ‘The Great Purge’ and when I went home I felt relieved of any built up tension. I don’t care if anyone has a grudge against me, my slate is clean and I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone. I love to argue my point, and I truly stood by all of my convictions this season, so I was ready to say exactly what was on my mind, and then some.”
Dina and Jacqueline have already spent oodles and oodles of time telling us how they feel on twitter, through the haze of wine and cat hair, each of them accuses the other of lying. Unfortunately 140 characters (even when you tweet over and over again!) just isn’t enough. I do wish we could limit wine and delusion in the same manner we limit twitter type-age, although it’s usually user-abuse that causes the issues (i.e. tweeting constantly.).
Jacqueline Laurita wasn’t able to attend the season six Real Housewives of New Jerseyreunion, so she took to Twitter to share her thoughts on the topics as it aired. Ugh. Raise your hand if you’re shocked. “Not on the reunion but I’ll probably tweet during it,” she tweeted before the show. Probably? HAHAHA!
Last night the Real Houewives Of New Jersey reunion and these girls came prepared to bring their solid gold-plated fambly drama. Really – is there any person on RHONJ that doesn’t have some seriously intense and Lifetime Movie family issues that should not be meta-solved on reality TV? It’s looking like Amber Marchese is the only one, but then again, she has The Jim so maybe not!
But last night all the drama centered around the two famblies that put the thieves in Thick As Theives but certainly not the thick (Lapband as thieves doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?!): the Manzos and the Gorgadices.
Teresa Giudice is headed to prison and she’s still living in a delusional world cause she is a delusional girl. She and Melissa Gorga have a little tension-y about whether or Melissa texes Teresa or called her after she got her sentence. Glad in this terrible time Teresa can still focus on the important things like pettiness! And Dina Manzo, bless her heart, she’ll defend Tre to the bitter end because like duh – murderers aren’t going to prison but “good girls” like Teresa are. Do good girls steal from banks? Does Dina have a different dicktionary than I do? “Good: a person who is like nice-ish and only occasionally like breakes the lawr but who makes really good spaghettis from ingredientzes that are zenny and who defenses me against my horrible sister-in-law.” Dina is a caring friend, but good friends don’t let friends be totally f–king delusional!
Tonight the Real Housewives Of New Jersey season 6 reunion kicks off. Teresa Giudice is wearing her finest solid gold Christmas pageant couture to harken back to happier times of reunions when she was just feuding with friends and family instead of heading off to prison! At least Teresa is going out with a bang in designer Christmas Pageant couture, that is!
Tonight Dina Manzo will open up about her family drama and Teresa will storm off set in a huff. Which is all fun and everything, but I just want to know who is wearing what and if it came from Posche.
Discussing DICKtionaryGate between Kathy and Teresa, Dina admits she initially thought Teresa was being ridiculous and should just accept Kathy’s apology. But now that Dina knows Kathy a little better… and has seen how Kathy is behaving with Jacqueline Laurita (i.e. using each other for camera time and filming reactions Teresa’s sentencing), Dina has changed her mind. Now she seems to imply that Kathy is manipulative and scheming just like everyone else on RHONJ!
During the show, Jacqueline tweeted to Andy Cohen, “I asked my husband to reach out to Dina when she went through the divorce. So did I and I encouraged them to meet. She wouldn’t.”
Dina replied, “That’s not true. Just because you say it doesn’t mean it’s true. I wanted to meet with my brother more than anything.” In response, Jacqueline tweeted to Andy, “Chris Laurita favorited my tweet. He knows the truth.” and “I still have our text messages that I can show you.” Does anyone delete texts?
On Secrets Revealed Part 1 Bravo unveiled all the Real Housewives Of New Jersey drama we missed. The ladies packed up all the tampons at ShopRite and traveled to Atlantic City via party bus. We – and they – can thank the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad twins for this trip!
And a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad trip it was! In synopsis: everyone had their period, Amber Marchese wants to be a Russian hooker named Alana when she grows up, Twinsanity, and Dina Manzo files Atlantic City under “White Trash” in the zen-dictionary.
Of course, more happened: first of all Teresa Giudice packed like her life depended on it – did she know this was the last time, for a long time, she’d be strutting her sequins out on vacation? A party bus, hired by a twin, picked-up Melissa Gorga, then Teresa. Melissa spotting Teresa standing in front of a mountain of luggage, in front of her gelatinous mountain of tackstronomy house, observed, “You need to learn to scale back girlfriend.” Truer words, Melis! They tawk periods and pick-up Dina who is DUH – like on her period!