Don’t Be Tardy Recap

Don't Be Tardy season finale

OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans and haters, we made it through another season of Kim Zolciak Biermann’s life, just barely. Between health scares and the stress of just living la vida Kim, some episodes, we were hanging on by a thread. Or so Kim would have us believe. She still managed to deliver us her most expensive baby yet, her skincare line Kashmere, which I’m sure is selling like hot cakes in the link of her Instagram bio. As for long suffering husband Kroy Biermann, his football career still hangs in the balance (although if you follow any Kim news at all, you already know he was signed and then released from the Buffalo Bills).

Since the launch of Kashmere, Kim has been having some “weird” symptoms that she’s chalking up to the stress of self promoting a skincare line while simultaneously having a birthday party. I mean, can you guys imagine the stress? And you thought your life was hectic *snort*. Anyway, this brings Kim to an appointment with her cardiologist.

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Don't Be Tardy Recap - Kim Zolciak

Don’t Be Tardy opens with just another day at the Beirmann house and Kim Zolciak Biermann having a topless photo shoot in her pool as her four year old son watches. Kim is FINALLY ready to launch her new skincare line and of course, who would be a better spokesperson than her? Don’t answer that – it was a rhetorical question.

Since Kim is hosting a bunch of people from her skincare team in L.A., she has Tracey pull out the best conch possible to feed and entertain them by the same pool she just floated topless in. Kim goes on and on about how hard she has been working on this skincare line and how it’s a huge accomplishment for her to launch it. Never mind that we haven’t seen one second of footage of her working on any of it. I’m sure Kim’s idea of hard work is much different than the masses. I’m having a hard time concentrating on anything else about this scene after catching the sight of Kroy Biermann dressed in cut off jean shorts, or jorts, if you will.

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Don't Be Tardy recap

This week’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy is ripe with all kinds of change in the air. Kim Zolciak Biermann and Kroy Biermann are anxiously waiting to hear where Kroy will end up playing and the whole family is a tad on edge with the unknown. The only solution seems to be to throw money at the problem, which sounds about right.

Despite the stress going on around her, Tracey is cool as a cucumber, thanks to a new online relationship with a gal named Lexi. She met her on Instagram and apparently, knows almost nothing about her, even though they have been talking for a month and a half. Lexi lives in New York and Tracey has yet to join the year 2016 FaceTime her. Brielle Biermann expertly points out that Tracey is “SO old” and decides to move this relationship along with a FaceTime call. One fun fact Tracey forgot to ask in her relationship is how old Lexi is (25) and both Brielle and Tracey are shocked by this news but recover quickly enough to invite Lexi to Atlanta to see this sh*t show first hand spend some much needed time together.

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DBT Kim

Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy showcased a stressful time in the Zolciak-Biermann household. Teen angst was at an all time high. Kim and Kroy didn’t see eye-to-eye. Red solo cups were flung around with reckless abandon, and the phrase of all phrases was born (and continues to echo through my brain). Thank you, Bravo. Just thank you.

The episode begins with Kim and crew heading to an Atlanta studio. Kim has used Instagram to set up a dance lesson for Brielle, Chef Tracey, and Shun. Everyone is wearing sexy heels, but poor Tracey is having a very hard time with her footwear. The lesson for today is some stripper dancing, and Kim is ecstatic that she can finally hang out with Brielle as besties and not just in the mother-daughter capacity. Not to mention, Kim loves some gyrating!

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Don't Be Tardy recap

Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy incorporated so many of our favorite reality shows into a single episode: Top Chef inspired dishes, a RuPaul’s Drag Race inspired game of bingo, and the language heard on any given installment of Mob Wives. It was pretty amazing.

We begin with Access Hollywood’s Anthony, who introduces Brielle Biermann to Liz Hernandez, and she is beyond impressed by the fact Liz interviewed Oprah–the world’s most famous interviewer becomes interviewee! As Liz inquires about Brielle’s education, Brielle dodges questions about college. Liz tells Kim’s mini-me that she got her start at a college internship. Not shockingly, this revelation doesn’t send Brielle into an application frenzy.

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Dont be tardy kim

On last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, Kim Zolciak Biermann had to brave the mean streets of Los Angeles without the protection of chef Tracey husband Kroy Biermann. Of course, life of a wannabe momager isn’t always easy, and if she’s going to help skyrocket her twin Brielle and foul mouthed KJ into super stardom. Who do you think would win in a cage match between Kim and Kris Jenner?

The episode begins with Kim complaining about how often Tracey prepares fettuccine alfredo. Sure, Kim loves pasta and eats it everyday, but Kroy deserves something fancier in the kitchen. Tracey would love to get to use her actual culinary skills, but (shocker!), her talent is lost on the Biermanns. She admits that when she started cooking for the family, she made everything from scratch with fresh ingredients, but gave up when it became obvious that they preferred canned crap. Tracey cites being the Biermanns’ cook has been the most difficult experience of her career…and she was on Top Chef. Kroy insists he’s a foodie, although he’s never heard of exotic foods such as flank steak and tomatoes. Tracey promises to wow them with an upscale menu when they return from Los Angeles. They are taking Brielle to meet with Access Hollywood and have arranged for two huge casting agencies to fight over who will reap the benefits of KJ’s future celebrity.

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Don't Be Tardy recap - Kim Zolciak

On tonight’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, the Biermanns are home from vacationing in the Starbucks-less land of Montana and Kim Zolciak Biermann is back to being well caffeinated.

But alas, vacationing is really hard on Kim so she needs a break and tells husband Kroy Biermann he needs to take her to the new casino in their area so she can blow off some steam. I’m guessing this is all part of the bargain she made for agreeing to go to Montana in the first place.

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Dont Be Tardy recap

Part Two of The Biermann’s Family Vacation means that Don’t Be Tardy is still home on the range in Montana.

Kim Zolciak Biermann is still alive despite not being able to access Starbucks and it looks like Brielle has also survived (just barely) without any Chick fil A to eat. The rest of the kids seem completely unaffected by their environment because after all, life is just one giant romper room for them to wrestle in and it does not really matter if that romper room is at their house in Atlanta or at some lodge in Montana.

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