Finally. Last night was the season finale of Don’t Be Tardy, so we had to bid farewell to chef Tracy. Don’t cry. It’s Bravo. She’ll be back. They’ll all be back. That said, if Brielle gets a job at E! News, I officially give up…on everything. Plus, I have a big birthday coming up, and every time I watch this show and remember that Kim Zolciak Biermannclaims to be is a few years younger than I am, I want drown my sorrows in some of her sparkling raspberry moscato. If you’ve had it, you know how badly this realization is for me.
The episode begins with KJ and Kroy building a kite. Kroy is heading off to camp with the Falcons which makes KJ the f$%#&* head of the household. KJ has it covered. He plans to chain Brielle in her room for at least a week. Smart kid. Meanwhile, Brielle and Slade are debating how much a ton weighs, and Kim and Kroy are taking the couple to Kim’s favorite psychic, Rose, so they can figure out the future of their relationship. Kim loves the psychic so much, Kaia’s middle name is Rose. Rose predicts that Brielle will have three kids, a wonderful husband and good fortune…and it’s starting next year. Rose reads Slade’s palm and also sees a marriage within a year. Slade jokes that it will be a really tiny ring then.
We are one episode away from the Don’t Be Tardy finale. Are y’all as stoked as I am? That said, after next week, I’ll spend months wondering if Brielle is really trying navigate Los Angeles all by her lonesome, as well as what curse words KJ has added to his vocabulary! Let’s get started with the recap, shall we?
On the eve of their trip to Los Angeles, Shun swings by the Zolciak-Biermann abode to help style Brielle for her big break. Kim reveals that not only will the mother-daughter duo be visiting E! News, they will also be apartment hunting. Kim divides her time between fawning over Brielle’s fashion and hounding Slade about he’ll survive if his lady love moves permanently to the West Coast. Gloria is taking some time off from being Kim’s bitch assistant so that she can get married. While it’s the most inopportune time for Kim, she’s happy for Gloria. Chef Tracy goad Gloria about how easy her job is, and she offers to do it ten times better in Gloria’s absence. Gloria wishes her luck with an eye roll. Who thinks this chick will make it another season? Wait, why do I expect there to be another season?
So, I’m going to go out on a limb here…Kim Zolciak Biermann wants oldest daughter Brielle to excel in Hollywood (attain her goals with no work, if you will), so she’s decided to make this season of Don’t Be Tardy Brielle’s swan song. Why else would the eighteen-year-old carrot expert and her beau Slade be featured so often? Three seasons from now, it’s going to be all about cursing KJ. The writing is already on the wall people!
Last night’s episode followed Kim and family as they spent the weekend at Slade’s folks’ lake house on Lake Keowee (my stomping ground when I’m home in the Upstate–and my friends with lake houses invite me for an always fun weekend on the water!). Before heading to South Carolina, Kim, who is clearly NOT sporting a new nose…not at all, Brielle and Slade meet with Kim and Kroy to discuss their plans for co-habitating in California. She can’t even make her point before Kroy is dying laughing and Kim saying she won’t fund Brielle giving away her milk for free. Maybe Slade can join her when he pops the question. Silly Kim, Brielle doesn’t drink milk! When she realizes her mother is making a sexual reference, Brielle is grossed out that Slade would want breast milk. Even worse than that statement? Kroy trying to figure out the “why buy the cow” analogy with the help of a producer.
Last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy left me just a tad more stupid than it normally does. I can’t even mentally prepare an introduction, so we’re just going to dive right in! The show begins with Chef KJ in the kitchen with Tracey, and Kim Zolciak-Biermann admits that he picks up on everything. Whether Kim is eating a cookie, cussing up a storm, or drinking wine for breakfast, he’s going to notice, so she needs to be on her best behavior. Kim then asks Tracey why the f*@% she didn’t call her the day before. And we wonder why KJ’s every other word is bleeped. Tracey admits that she and Brooklyn have broken up again. The couple has been on and off for a decade, but Tracey swears this time their relationship is over for good. Tracey plans to get a tattoo that Brooklyn forbade her from getting just for spite.
Brielle, Slade, and Ariana are dining together, and Ariana questions her sister about the future. Brielle has grand plans for stardom, but first she needs food. Filet mig-non, anyone? Ariana rolls her eyes and chides Slade about following her sister out west. He’s so whipped, he’ll definitely do it. Brielle wants to approach her mom and Kroy about the two of them living together. Slade knows her parents would never agree, but she reasons that they’d rather have her shack up with Slade in Los Angeles than live alone. Her parents need to stop treating her like she’s fourteen. That was so four years ago!
I’ll never try to pretend Bravo’s motives, but Don’t Be Tardy has officially been moved to Thursday night, which means this week we were treated to a double dose of Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy, chef Tracey, and, of course, that cursing toddler! You’re welcome.
Last night’s episode begins with Kim greeting Shun while yelling at her dogs for interrupting her Instagramming. The dog in a cage should feel grateful it’s not being tormented by KJ. Kim complains about how hard it is to be followed by children 24/7, so she and Shun grab their solo cups of wine and retreat to Kim’s bedroom to discuss Shun’s lack of a dating life. Shun describes her perfect man, but Kim encourages her to think outside the box. Kim swears by “ask, believe, receive,” but she’s not so sure it will work for normal folks like Shun. She offers to set up Shun with her personal trainer–if he’s willing–before getting bombarded with balls being thrown at her face (there goes her social life! 😉 ) by KJ. She admits to be terrified of her three-year-old, and for once the Bravo viewing audience can agree with something Kim says.
Is it just me, or does Kim Zolciak Biermann look more plastic with every episode of Don’t Be Tardy. Someone needs to give her a tutorial on that make-up highlighting situation too. I just can’t believe that she still stands firm that she hasn’t had work done. It’s baffling.
Kim is frustrated because the family has made no advances on Brielle’s graduation party. She wants a carnival theme, but Kroy reminds his wife that carnivals are just snow cone machines and dunking booths out in the middle of nowhere. Kim has gotten three quotes from party planners which are all in circling the six figure range, but Kroy has shut down the users. I never noticed that he swears as much (if not more) than Kim.
Oh Monica. I don’t know if I’m more disappointed to find out that you’re friends with Kim Zolciak-Biermann or that you are okay being a part of last night’s Don’t Be Tardy. Either way, last night’s episode didn’t grate on my last nerve per the usual, and I truly enjoyed seeing a deeper side to Kim and Brielle’s mother-daughter relationship.
As the family jokes about Brielle’s ever present ditziness, Kroy suggests she check out Hooked on Phonics. Thanks for the tip, Kroy, but Brielle is just fine only speaking the language she knows. She’s not interested in learning a new one. When Kroy tries to explain that phonics isn’t a different language, I can actually see a light bulb turn on above Brielle’s head as she slowly whispers, “Oh Rosetta Stone!” Brielle has a new path and a plan. She wants to be the next Guiliana Rancic. Kim offers up her celebrity friends as practice interviews.
On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy, we were treated to a trip down memory lane for the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star. The photographs (oh the photographs!) alone were enough to make it a fabulous episode. Kim Zolciak Biermann with dark brown hair and braces? Yes please! The episode begins with Kim and Kroy heading to Connecticut, leaving Gloria and chef Tracey in charge of the brood. Not only is Kim scheduled to do an appearance at a casino, she’s also returning to her roots. The casino is in her hometown!
In their absence, Kroy has charged Slade with building a shelving system for the boys’ playroom. Wait, what? Slade is unsure as to whether he’s capable of constructing furniture, but he concedes that it shouldn’t be impossible. After all, he can read. Just not well, right? Returning to the town where she grew up, Kim is overwhelmed by the time warp. Nothing has changed, except her nose. Seriously, does she think we are that dumb? As the couple cruises the main drag, Kim remembers working at every fast food restaurant from Burger King to Taco Bell to Krispy Kreme. She always got fired for giving out free food to her friends.