Last night on Don't Be Tardy we got a second dose of Kim Zolciak's wedding jumpsuit. As if the over-exposing lace cameltoe monstrosity wasn't bad enough the first time around!
It's Kim and Kroy Biermann's first anniversary. They've been together three years total but they've had three homes, one eviction, one firing, two kids, three hideous wedding outfits, 35,000 legal issues, and um… well I'm sure there's more to come. Love, White Trash Style!
Kim decides to celebrate by recreating key moments in their relationship. Surprisingly they don't all involve wigs, boobs, and fried chicken. Instead she's going to stage a surprise re-wedding at the venue where they first met when Kroy was a participant in Dancing With The Stars Atlanta. In case you don't remember that's first where Kim first fell for that a$$!
Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.