Put a fork in Mob Wives…it’s done. Just don’t put a fork in Brittany Fogarty’s hand because she’s likely to gouge out Marissa’s eyes. That was one of the most comical wannabe smack downs in reality television history. Marissa in her stilettos and Victoria’s Secret get-up managed to get the only punch in on the farmer newbie. Farmer Brittany tried her best to get in a swing, scaling fences and wriggling out of the umpteen bouncers trying to contain her as she and not-so-prissy Marissy scream c-u-next-Tuesday insults that would make Ericka Jayne blush. Karen Gravano is disappointed. She had high hopes that the newbies could have a civil discussion. So Karen’s a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of person. That’s rich! Drita D’avanzo stays in Brittany’s corner like the little old guy who coached Rocky in the ring. Drita knows what it’s like to want to fight someone but be stopped by production assistants or, I don’t know, the police. Seriously, did you see this on TMZ? Girlfriend needs to take it down a notch.
Karen is peeved that Drita is encouraging Brittany. Brittany is peeved that Karen is being Switzerland in this altercation. The following day, Drita and Big Ang plan a big day of inspiration for Drita’s memoir. They are dining at a restaurant that was a mobsters’ strip club dream back in the day. Speaking of back in the day, don’t take a drink every time one of the women utters the phrase…alcohol poisoning doesn’t look fun. While Drita’s husband Lee isn’t keen on the idea of his wife penning a book, Ang believes he’ll come around and be proud of the finished product. Across town, Renee Graziano is thrilled to have son AJ and his girlfriend Andrea spending the night. Thankfully, Renee did a better decorating job the second time around, sans weed. Renee’s rules include AJ doing the laundry and no loud sex. AJ just needs snacks, Gatorade, and his mother not to make comments that make his girlfriend physically cringe.
It was a Mob Wivesdouble whammy last night. Not only were we treated to a curse-fueled episode, but Carla Facciolo and Karen Gravano hosted us during commercials courtesy of VH1’s “Fourteen Days of Love” (not Majewski, thank goodness!). Neither of these women is skilled at reading a cue card, that’s for sure. Where we left off last week, Big Ang has arranged a sit down for the ladies so they can civilly discuss their differences. Bwahahahaha! Ang, Karen, Carla, and Renee Graziano patiently await Drita D’avanzo’s arrival so everyone can get to the bottom of all the she-said, she-said that is plaguing Staten Island. To begin, Carla wants to confirm that at one point all of the ladies had actual friendships, but she wants to know why her former bestie has such a giant problem with her.
After the drama proffered in last week’s episode of Mob Wives, I’m not quite sure what to do. Normally, I’d recap the season thus far, but OMG! Where do I start? Forgive me for forging in head first, but I’m at a loss. So let’s begin with what we witnessed last night, shall we? Drita D’avanzo is treating Big Ang to a swanky meal for being such a good friend. Such is the lives of Mob Wives! I’m just happy this is the last season, as I am physically and emotionally spent…for no other reason than I have no other shows on Tuesday! Just kidding, I’m enthralled regardless!
Drita contends that Ang will be a leading lady in her upcoming memoir. You can’t write a book about the lifestyle without having Ang front and center! Ang coyly dismisses her friends compliments (are they truly compliments to us normal folk? Is being a mob staple the lifestyle we covet?) and explains her heartache over not being able to hold a liquor license and re-open the Drunken Monkey. Her husband Neil needs to step up to the plate. She’s let him slide on helping pay bills for the last six years, and now it’s time for him to contribute. Changing the subject, Ang reminds Drita that she needs to make amends with Carla Facciolo. Ang admits that she told Carla that Drita shared Carla’s abusive relationship with her and that she announced the same to Carla, Karen Gravano, Renee Graziano, and crew. Drita doesn’t discount how this game of telephone came into play, and she’s hesitant to be put in a situation where she needs to address it.
What are these women thinking? That’s the one question that played on a constant loop in my mind as I watched last night’s Mob Wives. A Hamptons vacation will never class up this group of gals. Carla Facciolo has planned a nice weekend for her friends (as we know Drita D’avanzo is absent), and she hopes that newbies Brittany Fogarty and Marissa Jade don’t show out at her friends’ garden party. If they dare to embarrass her in front of her shi-shi Hamptons crowd, Carla swears (and swears) that she’ll kill them herself. Both Marissa and Brittany claim to have called a truce while Prissy Missy (haha!) gripes to Renee Graziano and Brittany complains to Big Ang. In order to get everyone on the same page, Big Ang decides her crew needs to get up close and personal with Patron. Marissa, once again, admonishes the clique’s drinking habits, but she can’t say no and is falling all over herself. Thankfully, no asses are capped or hair is pulled.
Nothing like coming home from a twelve hour work day to drama filled two-hour premiere of Mob Wives! I don’t know if it’s a punishment or Christmas all over again, but I’m going to go with the latter. Karen Gravano is living the dream, back in New York after a stint in Arizona, and she wants her teenage daughter to recognize how fortunate she is to live this lifestyle. Meanwhile, Renee Graziano is hoping to leave drama and negativity in the past. A cook-out at Karen’s house is just what she needs, even though both women realize that Karen’s daughter Karina is going to give them multiple coronaries. She’s way too pretty to be a teenager, but Renee hopes that Karen will allow Karina to mermaid model for her Mob Candy line. At least they can keep an eye on her that way.
Big Ang is recovering from throat cancer, and with her blonde hair, she looks like a boss. She is extremely grateful for her friends’ support during her surgery and following ordeal, but she credits husband Neil for being her rock. I love Ang, and I am thrilled to hear she’s cancer free (as the season airs, prayers are with her now). Her doctor touts an organic diet and exercise…oh, and she needs to quit smoking. It’s hard. Also difficult? Drita D’Avanzo’s household. She’s juggling having growing girls and her husband home from the clink. While she’s thrilled to have the balance of a normal family, she wants her daughters to realize how far she’s come. Drita takes them on a tour of the projects where she grew up so they appreciate the beautiful home and pool they are fortunate enough to have. She’s worked terribly hard, and she wants her daughters to appreciate the struggle she’s had to become the woman she is today. Of course, a book about her life is the next step in her empire…if she can convince her husband Lee that it’s not disloyal to their lifestyle.