Last night the Real Housewives Of Atlanta celebrated their 10 year anniversary by counting down their top ten moments. I cannot believe that I’ve had NeNe Leakes in my life longer than I’ve had my children in my life, but the Bravo universe is vast and all-encompassing!
I was expecting the Real Housewives themselves to weigh in on all the past drama and spill some behind-the-scenes secrets, similar to when other cities have done an anniversary. I was also expecting to get catch-ups from retired cast members like DeShawn Snow or Kim Fields, but instead we were just handed a ton of flashback footage to reminisce over. There were weddings, breakdowns (often those two things combined), walk-offs, shade wars, and vintage footage of Wigs with her Cigs.
Unfortunately, Eva Marcille didn’t pop up on Real Housewives of Atlanta until later on in Season 10, so we didn’t really “get to know” her very well, but it seems like there’s a possibility that she will hold up a peach next season.
The Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion was going so well until Kim Zolciak showed up. I mean, people with feuds as old as their suddenly rejuvenated (and impregnated) ovaries were having civil discussions about those times they accused each other of being prostitutes to one-eyed Africans (do neither Porsha Williams nor Kenya Moore STILL not understand that ‘one-eyed’ referred to the African’s “D” – not that he’s an actual cyclops. Now you know KandiBurruss secretly wrote a “For The D” rap about that…). Then of course with all that peace, love, and Leave Will Alone, Kim Showed up.
Now that girl… Kim looked like she was wearing a Jessica Rabbit Halloween costume. And what on earth is Kroy Biermann doing with his life? He needs a Tabatha take over, because he’s apparently so depressed about being released from the NFL that he’s lost all purpose in life. It’s like the dude followed-up on a Craigslist post seeking personal assistant and wound up working for this crazy person who expects him to just follow around carrying her Solo cups and making sure all her outfits match said Solo cups – outfits he also has to pry her into using tweezers.
The first part of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta was pretty tame by comparison to what we’ve come to expect. I mean the only things that happened were a pregnancy announcement, blackmail revelation, and your mama jokes. Low-key, right?!
The most important thing about any reunion are obviously the outfits. Apparently if you are a Real Housewives Of Atlanta star the reunion is your equivalent of the Academy Awards. But all the stylists are busy and the only gowns left are the ones no one wants to wear.
What we really must discuss is Porsha Williams‘s crown. Umm… She’s elevated from Princess of THOTlandia (where one’s crowing achievement is twerking in hot pants) to Queen of Delusion. Although she claims to be the Goddess of Good Thoughts or something – good thoughts except when she’s calling Kandi Burruss “Victim Victoria,” Goddess Of Never Letting Go.
The women pretended to like one costume over the other when they were just actually making their critiques based on which woman they were closer friends with. Kim Zolciak has not had one scene with Eva and she’s openly loyal to Sheree, so of course she preferred Sheree’s costume, but did she really say that Eva, a model, is “not pretty”? Really, Kim? Did she spend enough time talking about roachgate that she had to pretend that Eva was “not even a pretty f***ing Cleopatra”? What was the point of that?
Out of the blue Sheree is incredibly pressed about Porsha Williams supposedly warning Shamea Morton that none of the women can be trusted – including Sheree. Poor Sheree – she’s been carrying everyone’s bones while having Porsha’s back, and is repaid by Porsha dismissing their friendship. Now Sheree has a bone to pick with Porsha – except she’s passive aggressively avoiding her by hiding in her basement staring at the abyss of Moore Manor.
Why would Shamea, Porsha’s so-called BFF, be sharing her text message with Desperee?! Hmmm… We never get an answer to that by the way.