Farrah Abraham is a whole host of crazy that I don't think anyone is psychiatrist-y enough to fix!
On this week's Couples TherapyFarrah revealed that she liked signed some stuff – a huge contract of stuff, but legally she couldn't reveal what it is. She did claim to regret signing her name on the dotted line, however.
This week Farrahalso claimed that her parents abused her and in the past she has been drugged and raped. Oh dear. Are all of Farrah's reveals a publicity stunt? Because Fishwrapper just learned that Farrah now has a second sex tape due to be released next week!
Yes – there will be two more on-camera romps starring Farrah and James Deen! And they just get racier and racier. Eeks. Vivid execs reveal exclusively that Farrah partakes in "fantasy fetish swings as foreplay" in one tape.
This is so, so rich. The two most upstanding ladies that MTV has introduced us to courtesy of Teen Mom are feuding over who is the better (worse?) mom to the children they very rarely see. One of them has a penchant for pregnancies while the other has a predilection for porn.
I bet you can't even guess of whom I'm speaking, can you? Bwahahaha! I'm kiddding, of course. We all know the only logical fame whores battling on social media could only be Jenelle Evans and Farrah Abraham. Farrah mades some back handed comments about how fertile Jenelle is, and Jenelle retorted, citing Farrah's backdoor aptitude for surgery and having the paps on speed dial. Man, this is amazingly bad. See you later brain cells!
Have you heard? There's a new show called Farrah's Therapy on VH1. It's a cross between Teen Mom Horror Story and Couples (Table For One) Therapy. The star of the show universe, Farrah Abraham, pretends to cry, makes ugly faces, and blames all of her problems on the strangers living in her house, as well as her parents, while a doctor by the name of Jenn Berman enables her.
Seriously, if VH1 wanted to cash in on the tragedy that is Farrah, why not just create a new show around her? Porn Stars Therapy or Celebrity Liars Rehab?
But I digress. It's day five in the Couples Therapy house. Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter watch Backdoor Teen Mom and come to realize it's not a homemade sex tape. Not even close! It's a fully produced porn film. Whitney says she's not judging the Teen Mom star for having sex on camera, as she's been there, done that – but she has zero patience for Farrah's "sex tape" lies.
I don't know whether I should thank VH1 or condemn them for bringing Farrah Abraham back into our reality TV lives. This season Farrah appears SOLO on Couples Therapy because she couldn't even pay someone to be seen with her.
Since James Deen had enough with her when he rented out his peen, Farrah opted to hire Brian Dawe to play her boyfriend. Brian got the heebie-jeebies when he realized he'd actually like have to spend a lot of time with Farrah and act like he cared, so he admitted the whole thing was a hoax.
Dr. Jenn Berman denies knowing the relationship was reportedly staged and Farrah is of course claiming Brian is like such a liar! Cause Farrah never does anything wrong. Nope everyone is doing bad stuff TO HER. I see that therapy really worked…
"It has been hard for me to look back after everything I've been through," Farrah whines on Keek and seriously it looks like she's reading from a script.
As if her delusions of grandeur aren't troublesome enough already – Farrah Abraham has been named Google's most searched for reality TV star in 2013.
According to Google Zeitgeist, the search phrases "farrah abraham backdoor", "farrah abraham video", "farrah abraham tape", and "farrah abraham full" were wildly popular between May 5 and May 11. Gross. Considering Vivid released the Teen Mom star's porn video on May 6, I'm willing to bet the vast majority of Farrah's fans were more interested in her backdoor than her reality star status.
In the good news department, interest in Farrah (via Google anyway) has been declining since July. Also? Kim Kardashian ranked a lot lower on the list than I would have guessed. My heart sings! However, Teen Mom and Kardashian stories constantly end up at the top of Reality Tea's most viewed list, so neither Farrah nor Kim is going to fade into obscurity anytime soon. Unfortunately.
Who has ten fingers, ten toes, and ten plastic surgeons on speed dial? Farrah Abraham, of course, and her never ending quest for attention continues with a new Keek video and a short chat about what she's been up to lately.
The soon-to-be laughingstock of Couples Therapy took to Keek yesterday – sans Christmas face – to show us what a hard-working author looks like. "Does it look like I'm busy working? Oh yes! No makeup, totally hair back, and doing it all. This is what it looks like to be a New York Times best-selling author."
Farrah went on to reveal that she's writing an "amazing amazing novel" for our amusement, err, reading pleasure.
Speaking to Kallum Green of Mosh News, Farrah shared, "Right now I'm doing some Teen Mom stuff. Starting out in 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom– it's always going to be a part of my life! I have tried my hardest to continue my education and continue being hard working and striving for everything, whether it's acting, modeling, or culinary aspirations. But, all in all, my never ending job is continuously being a good mom."
As we just reported, Farrah Abrahamappeared on Bethenny Frankel's talk show today, and now the former Teen Mom star is boohoo-ing about how she was treated. Despite my brain's screams – "Too much ego and desperation on one stage!" – I watched the segment.
Those ventures includeFarrah's porn movie and upcoming line of sex toys, of course, and Bethenny was less than impressed. "If you want to be a business person, I don't think that should be your business," she said. "From what I understand, you're known as being the Teen Mom; the word mom is in your title with people. I think that we might not want to buy sex toys from the Teen Mom."
I'm not judging you for being any other kind of hoe except for the famehoe kind. Please and kindly seek help for your addiction to attention and we'll forget about all the other unsavory antics you've pulled.
That's not gonna happen right? Anyway, Farrah has gone from Teen Mom reject, star of a now defunct reality show, to sexytimes maven who considers herself something of an expert. She recently appeared on The Doctors to talk about her sex toy line modeled off her lady parts, sex tapes, and how her new business ventures will affect Sophia's childhood.