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Farrah Abraham

Farrah Abraham 23rd birthday

When former Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham tweeted that it was “time to be educated” and she hashtag’ed homeschooling, I crossed my fingers and toes and hoped her daughter, Sophia, was not part of the equation. 

Farrah Abraham homeschooling

Surely Farrah is not homeschooling Sophia, I thought. Maybe Farrah is taking an online class, I thought. Well, I thought wrong. In a recent interview, Farrah confirmed that she is, in fact, homeschooling Sophia. Le sigh.

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Teen Mom

Oy. I don’t know who’s more delusional – Jenelle Evans or Farrah Abraham.

Last week, Farrah took time out of her research stripper schedule to diss the return of Teen Mom. Farrah said MTV made a big mistake when they fired her and threw shade at Catelynn Lowell, Maci Bookout, and Amber Portwood because they still need MTV money (and she doesn’t).

In response to Farrah‘s rant, Teen Mom 2 train wreck Jenelle tweeted, “Have u ever thought to yrself that maybe JUST MAYBE MTV doesn’t want porn stars on their TV that used to be on Teen Mom? They want to promote PREVENTING pregnancy not PROMOTING sexual intercourse. Duh.”

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Teen Mom Farrah Abraham

I could not have asked for a better way to wrap up this Wednesday work day – the Hump Day queen, Farrah Abraham, doing what she does best… giving an interview. Err, second best, I guess. 

As you know, original Teen Mom stars Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell, and Amber Portwood are currently filming a new season of Teen Mom – without Farrah. Rumor has it, Maci, Catelynn, and Amber refused to share airtime with a porn star hawking sex toys, and MTV agreed and fired Farrah.

Right away Farrah denied being fired, however, today she said that she feels MTV made a mistake when they fired her. It’s like Farrah lives in one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books… Turn to page 32 if your delusional self believes you weren’t fired. Turn to page 54 if you admit you were fired.

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Farrah Abraham Mercedes

It seems being a snotty reality TV star turned porn star turned delusional reality TV star turned sex toy maker turned erotica novelist turned restaurateur turned actress turned special snowflake stripper pays well…

Because Farrah Abraham bought a Mercedes Benz yesterday.

Farrah took to Facebook, smoke signals, Instagram, carrier pigeons, and Twitter to brag. She posted the above picture, adding, “Love my new car!” This car – a Mercedes Benz E63 AMG – starts at $99,770.

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Farrah Abraham

Farrah Abraham‘s not-so-shocking new job as a stripper was the highlight of my week last week. Um, errr, my work week. My life is not that sad. ;) Now the former Teen Mom star is bragging about being offered $544,000 to strip for Palazio Gentlemen’s Club in Austin, Texas, through December. 

Is Farrah laughing all the way to the bank or spewing more lies? I’m leaning towards liar, liar, pasties on fire!

In case you missed it, Farrah took the stripper job to research movie roles that do not yet exist. “It’s job shadowing that I hope pays off,” she said. “In the same way Jennifer Aniston researched her role as a stripper, that’s what I’m doing. It’s how I get the information to write my books and do my movies.”

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Teen Mom

It’s official – MTV finally confirmed that Teen Mom will be back next year sans Farrah Abraham. The other three, Amber PortwoodMaci Bookout, and Catelynn Lowell, are filming and looking forward to showing Teen Mom fans how much they’ve grown the past two years. As for Farrah’s absence, rumor has it that Amber, Maci, and Catelynn demanded the porn star be fired. You know, since they are such pillars of society.

But part of me is beginning to wonder if Farrah told MTV that she didn’t want to participate because filming Teen Mom would require – GASP! – spending time with her child. If you will recall, Sophia is living her own life, and Farrah is busy promoting her sex toys, opening a restaurant, pretending to write fiction books, gearing up for her first movie role, and working as a stripper. Where would she find the time to play mom for the cameras?

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Farrah Abraham stripper

Finally a position on Farrah’s resume full of lies and delusions that we can take seriously… Farrah Abraham has landed a job as a stripper. 

Of course, the former Teen Mom star is not a real stripper, silly. Just like she’s not a porn star. Farrah’s new stripper job at Palazio Gentlemen’s Club in Austin is nothing more than research for the erotic novels she’s not literate enough to write and the serious A-list movie roles she’s not yet been offered.

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Teen Mom stars Catelynn and Farrah

Ah, the miracle worker that is Dr. Jenn Berman has struck again. Not only did she cure Farrah Abraham on Couples Therapy, but now she has also ended the longtime feud between Farrah and her Teen Mom co-stars, Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra, on the Couples Therapy reunion. Gosh, is there anything that Dr. Jenn cannot do? #EyeRoll

Following the taping, Dr. Jenn tweeted, “All I am going to say is that last night’s Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn reunion was major. It airs September 3rd and it will not disappoint.” Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden, Nik Richie and Shayne Lamas, and JoJo and Tiny Hailey participated in the reunion as well, but all of the gossip surrounding the taping is about the Teen Mom stars.

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