Last night on Couples Therapy the brilliant professionalism that is Dr. Jenn Berman explored *gasp* secrets. Secrets soooo big, and soooo deep, and soooo like secrety that the cameras had to be turned off on Farrah Abraham so Farrah could secret in secret. And also scrunch up her face while stage whispering, aka cry.
Other than that, Ghostface's secret girlfriend Latrice came to the house to discover that Ghost also has a secret girlfriend named Kelsey. In the world of Ghost this is just how he gets his mack on, in the world of the rest of us, Ghost should just give up the ghost and accept that he's a middle-aged man with a midlife crisis. Oh, did I say that out loud? Cause I wish Dr. Jenn would have! Basically what I'm saying here is that last night's Couples Therapy was about one singular sensation who no one would ever date and one menage-a-trois dysfunctional relationship. So like where the couples at?
No one likes Farrah.I mean of course not – she makes condescending snarky comments to everyone, walks around with her fake nose in the air, and acts like it's all their faults she's a liar. Also everyone sees through her. Taylor Armstrong slurs that the "floral skirts with ballet flats aren't fooling me." Exactly how is Taylor getting sloshed every night "therapeutic"?
Well I'm going to handle this as tactfully as I can and just present the information.
Farrah Abraham undoubtedly has issues (which she is currently exploring while appearing ALONE on Couples Therapy) and apparently the root of many of these issues stems from a rape trauma and childhood abuse.
“I was drugged and raped more than once. I allowed the [wrong] type of people into my life,” Farrahclaims to In Touch Weekly. The former Teen Mom star also alleges that following the release of her "sex tape" she booked appearances at strip clubs and porn conventions which further put her life in jeopardy.
This is so, so rich. The two most upstanding ladies that MTV has introduced us to courtesy of Teen Mom are feuding over who is the better (worse?) mom to the children they very rarely see. One of them has a penchant for pregnancies while the other has a predilection for porn.
I bet you can't even guess of whom I'm speaking, can you? Bwahahaha! I'm kiddding, of course. We all know the only logical fame whores battling on social media could only be Jenelle Evans and Farrah Abraham. Farrah mades some back handed comments about how fertile Jenelle is, and Jenelle retorted, citing Farrah's backdoor aptitude for surgery and having the paps on speed dial. Man, this is amazingly bad. See you later brain cells!
Day eight in theCouples Therapy house begins with group therapy with Dr. Jenn Berman. Today's topic is sex. So, naturally, I expect a full hour of sex tape shenanigans featuring Farrah Abraham. Yeah, not so much. The next two days oftherapyrevolve around Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter and Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole.
But first, we do hear a little bit fromJon Gosselin and Liz Jannetta, as well as Farrah. Taylor Armstrong is either too sober (and boring) or too traumatized (green towels) to score a speaking part this week. Whatever. Not hearing about Taylor and John's sex life is A-OK with me, especially since we have to revisit last week's drama, Jon masturbating. On camera. Like his Plus 8 aren't quite damaged enough already.
Jon has changed his story. Last week, he was only scratching himself. (not that anyone believed) This week, he was planning a party for one. Kind of like, last month, Jon despised media attention. (not that anyone cared) This month, he's masturbating on VH1. The only constant coming out of Jon Gosselin's mouth – everything is Kate's fault. Forever butthurt, this one. Farrah, too. Literally.
Last night Real Housewives of the past and present sashayed and twirled down the red carpet at OK! Magazine's pre-grammy party in L.A.
Joanna Krupa stole the spotlight in this sheer and black gown that reminded of us the revealing dress that Paris Hilton wore the night before to Diddy's own pre-grammy party. (see below). Almost all of the ladies of Bravo (and a few VH1 stragglers) wore black, except for Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore, who opted for a purple number. Last night was also Kenya's birthday and we'd be willing to bet her evening included a little birthday toast over the news of Apollo Nida's criminal charges.
Have you heard? There's a new show called Farrah's Therapy on VH1. It's a cross between Teen Mom Horror Story and Couples (Table For One) Therapy. The star of the show universe, Farrah Abraham, pretends to cry, makes ugly faces, and blames all of her problems on the strangers living in her house, as well as her parents, while a doctor by the name of Jenn Berman enables her.
Seriously, if VH1 wanted to cash in on the tragedy that is Farrah, why not just create a new show around her? Porn Stars Therapy or Celebrity Liars Rehab?
But I digress. It's day five in the Couples Therapy house. Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter watch Backdoor Teen Mom and come to realize it's not a homemade sex tape. Not even close! It's a fully produced porn film. Whitney says she's not judging the Teen Mom star for having sex on camera, as she's been there, done that – but she has zero patience for Farrah's "sex tape" lies.