It’s been a long time since we’ve heard from our good friend Farrah Abraham. But there have been two rumors about her circulating recently and we felt the need to update you, her fans. HA. I’m just kidding. Farrah’s only fan is Farrah. Um, and maybe Teen Mom 2 stalker Adam Lind, which brings me to the first rumor. Brace yourselves. It’s a doozy.
Rumor #1 – Adam wants to break into the porn industry, and he thinks the easiest way to shoot to super-porn-stardom is to make a tape with Farrah, the backdoor to endless possibilities.
“Adam is eager to get into the porn world and thinks that Farrah would make the perfect partner,” claimed a totally reliable source. #sarcasm “Adam loves what Farrah has done with her Teen Mom career. He thinks they could really rake in a lot of money since they’re both celebrities.” HAHAHAHA <celebrities> HAHAHA <can’t breathe> HAHAHAHA
Today, Farrah tells us why she outshines all other porn stars, forgets a major detail about the main character in her erotic trilogy, and gives us a glimpse of what to expect from book one, Celebrity Sex Tape: In The Making.
Farrah hates being called a porn star – poor thing – so she feels the need to explain to us regular folk the difference between a sex tape and a porn. "I think people purposely don't know how to separate a celebrity sex tape and a regular porn. I mean, I have wonderful friends who are in the adult industry. They make porn for a living – that is what they always do. Like, payment is different. Like, living your life is different. Taking care of yourself. Everything is different."
So, I think we can all agree that nothing says Happy Friday to my Reality Tea friends like a Farrah Abraham post with a huge close-up picture, right?
The Couples Therapy singleton gave two in-depth interviews recently, one to Starcasm and one to THZ, but I pulled only the best quotes from each to spare you repetition. Not to mention a Farrah induced coma.
Farrah celebrated her 23rd birthday last week. How does she feel about that?
"I feel like it is the right age to be, which is good to say, because sometimes I’m like ‘Ugh my life’ and I’m trying to handle everything fame has gotten me," said Farrah. "I’m 23 – and it feels right!" Raise your hand if you're already lost.
So, today's good news is, Farrah has more to say about her book and life. The bad news is that I have pictures from Farrah's 23rd birthday party too!
Why did Farrah decide to write an erotic trilogy? "The whole sex symbol – that hype – and I'm single and 23, I felt now is the proper time for me to write about some fantasies and some great things that luckily I turned into a positive." Why I love Farrah so much – she never fails to turn "great" things into "positives".
Book one ofFarrah Abraham's trilogy,Celebrity Sex Tape, will be released July 1 – and I could not be more excited about it. No I haven't lost my mind. I do not plan to read Farrah's smut book, but this also means Farrah needs to give interviews to promote it! I can't stand Farrah, the person, but I love Farrah, the interviewee. Bring on the interviews!
Farrah sat down with Huff Post Live's Ricky Camilleri earlier today to talk about Celebrity Sex Tape and say awesome things like her trilogy is the next stop in her "portfolio of literacy" and reality TV taught her to be "more better at communication." Let's have a moment of silence for Ricky. He deserves it.
Farrah introduced the main character of her trilogy, Fallon Opal, and Ricky asked, "Not Farrah?" She insisted, "Not me. I think we all use our inspiration and experiences of life to build our stories but this is very different from anything that I've ever had in my life. But I noticed through some drama that I went through this past year of my own sex tape that this is a popular issue."
Um…I'm not sure what to do with this information. It's just plain gross, but I think the issue I have with it is that I am not at all surprised by it. Have I become so jaded that nothing to do with Farrah Abraham shocks me anymore? Yes. The answer to that question is yes. In fact, with this morsel of gossip, I find myself saying "eww" in the highest.
So, when the Teen Mom star isn't waxing her daughter's eyebrows or showing up to Couples Therapy sans the other half of her "couple," Farrah is trying to make money off her porn private home sex tape filmed for the sole purpose of promoting her future self-esteem…because Backdoor Teen Mom clearly wasn't filmed on a set…with a production crew…and a porn star. You won't believe the latest gossip! Or maybe you will…
Have you heard? There's a new show called Farrah's Therapy on VH1. It's a cross between Teen Mom Horror Story and Couples (Table For One) Therapy. The star of the show universe, Farrah Abraham, pretends to cry, makes ugly faces, and blames all of her problems on the strangers living in her house, as well as her parents, while a doctor by the name of Jenn Berman enables her.
Seriously, if VH1 wanted to cash in on the tragedy that is Farrah, why not just create a new show around her? Porn Stars Therapy or Celebrity Liars Rehab?
But I digress. It's day five in the Couples Therapy house. Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter watch Backdoor Teen Mom and come to realize it's not a homemade sex tape. Not even close! It's a fully produced porn film. Whitney says she's not judging the Teen Mom star for having sex on camera, as she's been there, done that - but she has zero patience for Farrah's "sex tape" lies.
As if her delusions of grandeur aren't troublesome enough already - Farrah Abraham has been named Google's most searched for reality TV star in 2013.
According to Google Zeitgeist, the search phrases "farrah abraham backdoor", "farrah abraham video", "farrah abraham tape", and "farrah abraham full" were wildly popular between May 5 and May 11. Gross. Considering Vivid released the Teen Mom star's porn video on May 6, I'm willing to bet the vast majority of Farrah's fans were more interested in her backdoor than her reality star status.
In the good news department, interest in Farrah (via Google anyway) has been declining since July. Also? Kim Kardashian ranked a lot lower on the list than I would have guessed. My heart sings! However, Teen Mom and Kardashian stories constantly end up at the top of Reality Tea's most viewed list, so neither Farrah nor Kim is going to fade into obscurity anytime soon. Unfortunately.