Gretchen and Slade joined Access Hollywood for a celebrity golf tournament at the Sandals resort this weekend. Gretchen showed off not only her bikini body, but her skills and flexibility during a round of "hot limbo" and was photographed playing in the sand and surf with Slade and….. a pig?. <insert Vicki G jokes here>
Gretchen Tweeted, "Just landed in Miami! So excited for our vacation in Bahamas for the @AccessHollywood golf tournament this weekend."
Well, well, well… who didn't see it coming that Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley are putting their wedding on hold until they get a limited episode wedding special! OK – maybe I added that last part!
The couple that has been seen having major issues on Real Housewives of Orange County shares they haven't been getting along so well as of late… #PublicityStunt?
Gretchen admits they are at an impasse about what they want for their future. She: wants a sperm donor and a spinoff where she can play up the whole single mom thing! That's a new one for Bravo, right?! He: wants a wedding and a spinoff about said wedding.
“We are not full into planning because we’ve been a little bit fighting,” Gretchenconfesses to Celebuzz. “I want a baby and he wants a wedding.”
Let's jump right in and get the absolute worst of it out of the way. Andy insisted on rehashing the stripper drama. Of course. We saw it all play out on TV – a penis (not Eddie's) in Tamra's ear and a boob (not Tamra's) in Eddie's mouth – and my eyeballs will never be the same.
Andy begged for all the tacky(Tamra's specialty) details.
Eddie said he was "blown away" over the penis to his wife-to-be's ear. Tamra shrugged it off, saying she certainly didn't enjoy it, unlike Eddie in Vegas. I refuse to talk about Eddie's boner again. Let's just say that Tamra's opinion of the incident definitely has not changed.
I bet y'all didn't think Bravo could effectively squish all of Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge's wedding insanity into three hours worth of Bravo fluff. Heck, if you're like me, you may be wondering how they managed to draw out Tamra's OC Wedding into three long episodes. Well, whatever your thoughts, I hope you soaked in all the Disney princess magic of last night's "limited series finale." I love what this network tries to make "a thing." Stop trying to make fetch happen, Bravo! Sorry, I thought a Mean Girls reference was the perfect wedding gift for Tamra, as she's the original Housewives version!
Tamra's poor wedding planner Diann Valentine is getting frustrated and freaked out by the bride-to-be. First of all, Tamra doesn't have the place settings finalized, and she informs Diann that her wedding dresses won't be delivered until the morning of the big day…which is in 72 hours. Tamra can't be bothered by Diann's worries because she's got an appointment at the Pretty Kitty to get her Britney waxed. She's a Brazilian virgin, y'all! I'm shocked! Accompanying Tamra on her big day are her mom and two gay friends. While her mom waits with a rented bridesmaid in the lobby, Ricky and Julius are in the waxing room helping contort Tamra's legs for the hair ripping festivities.
That evening, Tamra and Eddie's family and friends are gathering for an outdoor rehearsal dinner. True to form, Tamra's brother is in attendance with his Mason of moonshine. Heather Dubrow doesn't do "communal booze in a jar" but Terry and Vicki Gunvalson find it super tasty. Tamra corners her brother about a moonshine ban for the wedding day, and he reveals that they will be partying to celebrate her big day with Eddie. A tearful Kenny shares that Eddie brings out the best in Tamra, and she apologizes for torturing him during their childhood. After they hug and make amends, Vicki feels the need to make a teary toast which is thankfully interrupted by a drunken Terry's inappropriateness. "Tongue!" he cries as Vicki goes fawns over Tamra mere centimeters from her friend's face.
I cannot believe I am about to type the following sentences. I mean if you could see my face right now, you would see me with my mouth hanging open. Gretchen Rossi has some lofty, lofty ambition, y'all!
"We want to be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! That's the goal,” Gretchengushed to Life & Style. “At this point, we want to have, like, 26 kids.” Oh rllllyyy… well, perhaps she needs to borrow some money from Angie and Brad if that's her plan cause um… well, you know…