Oh, the repercussions of Costa Mexico! Just once I’d love to write something happy or positive about one of Bravo’s housewives franchises, but alas, I may have to wait until 2013. Here’s hoping! Oh well, onto the Real Housewives of Orange County! Before we begin, let me start with a disclaimer I seem to tout with all of these housewives posts. These women are all pretty much ridiculous. (Not you, Heather Dubrow. Want to plan a wardrobe swap soon? I’ve got some great Target pieces I think you’d really love to wear! Call me. #eventrade)
With all the fallout from the recent intervention (you know, the one that let Alexis Bellino know she’s shallow and pretentious…so nothing like her co-stars), it was rumored that the reunion may be missing a cast member. Thankfully, Alexis didn’t pull a Jacqueline Laurita, and she was there to face Andy Cohen’s music with the rest of her O.C. cohorts.
Uh oh. Could everyone’s favorite Real Housewives of Orange County couple be heading for Splitsville (population Slade Smiley)? I know you will all be as devastated as I am if this is true. A source close to Gretchen Rossi (of course) recently spilled some dirt on the couple’s relationship to RadarOnline.com, and said source doesn’t appear to be a fan of Sladey Wadey.
“Gretchen is growing tired of taking care of Slade and paying for everything in his life and she’s just about had it,” the insider tells the site.
“She is supporting him and helping to pay his legal bills and it’s getting to be too much for her,” the source reveals. “Gretchen is seriously considering ending the relationship because she’s sick of doing everything for Slade.”
Well, well, well… Alexis Bellino and Gretchen Rossi have officially broken the Blomb Squad (that’s dumb and blonde). Last night on the Real Housewives of Orange County the rain continued to pour in the jungle as Alexis found herself in the middle of an onslaught. And poor Gretchen got cast aside as Lex’s resident BFF after Alexis determined that she too was involved in the attacks. Oh, the politics of being a Housewife.
We continue where left off with the face-off round the dinner table. The rain makes me think that all of Costa Mexico is crying on Alexis‘ behalf. Alexis remindsTamra Barney that though she may believe she’s perfect, being a mean hateful bitch makes her flawed too. Alexis suggests Tammie Sue work on her own issues before pointing fingers her way. Like Alexis or not, she has a good point.
Alexis snipes that just because Tamra got her implants taken out doesn’t mean she’s real. Touche. And Vicki Gunvalson pipes up to remind us that all of them are fake as designers imposters perfume and that all these ladies are materialistic – that’s why they’re rocking LV and Chanel in the jungle. Alexis accuses Tamra of badmouthing her which is why Terry thought she was fake – Tamra denies it. Sadly, it was actually Gretchen who was badmouthing Alexis behind her back to Terry.
Many have wondered – especially me – just how much money do the ladies of Real Housewives get to act like such loons on national television. Oh, whoops – I meant: How much do they make to act like such classy examples of wealthy American women. Freudian slip!
Anyway, RadarOnline seems to have the answers I’ve been looking for. According to the sometimes right usually not site, Vicki Gunvalson – the OG of all Housewives everywhere – earns a whopping $450,000 per season to obsess about working and have various meltdowns.
I will say, like her or not, Vicki has more or less remained her same wacky self throughout the years and I don’t think she’s acting for the cameras… unlike some of the other grossly overpaid high earning reality stars! Like NeNe Leakes, for instance! The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is reportedly the highest paid of all the women in the franchises – commanding an insane $750,000 per season.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County was a case of hypocrite vs. hypocrite as everyone seemed to gang up on Alexis Bellino. Is there anything more ironic in the world than five women comprised entirely of silicon inserts, plastic, spray tan, polyester hair weaves, and injectibles accusing one another of being materialistic and phony? I mean, really… wow… did I just watch that? It was the most… odd argument I’ve ever seen on TV.
There was just SO much crazy going on. 3/4 of these ladies need to hightail it to the psychiatrist’s office for a nice long visit. I hear Dr. Amador is available since Bethenny Ever After is over – maybe he can relocate. Here are my observations:
1) Gretchen Rossiis a bad friend. Yeah, Alexis is a fake, full of it, and completely dumb but she’s not a mean person. For the past two seasons Gretchen has acted like Lex was her BFFL and now quick as instant oatmeal she’s ditched her and joined the mean girl squad. So, yeah, she’s a totally authentic person.
2) Vicki Gunvalson needs help. I honestly think Vicki is hopelessly socially inept and she covers that up by talking fast, saying crazy crap, and bragging. Kinda… like… Alexis, now that I think about it. Vicki seemed uncomfortable on the trip, angry with Tamra Barney, and really stressed about all her personal drama. Instead of being a normal adult and discussing it with her friends she started acting all goofball and hitting the sauce. Seriously – the singing though. Gretchen was right… “hell.”
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I’ll have to admit that I, unlike Slade Smiley, left the O.C. for a while. Oh, I still watched (like one of Pavlov’s dogs when the first few tings of the theme music begins), but I was indifferent to it. Lauri Waring was gone. A once biting but funny Tamra Barney became just down right mean, ladies whose names I can’t even remember (Quinn who?) and women whose faces didn’t move were shuffled in and out, and, well, Slade stayed. I was tired. But then something amazing happened in the form of this season.
Briana and mom Vicki Gunvalson spoke with Star/RadarOnline.com about Briana’s big day…which was a long time coming for Vicki. Viewers are watching weekly the relationship between Briana and Vicki get increasingly tense after Briana and supposed boyfriend Ryan Culberson drop the bomb that they got hitched in Vegas at a drive-thru wedding chapel.
Vicki tells the magazine, “My anger and my disappointment at what Briana did almost destroyed our relationship. We didn’t speak for two months. But time heals, and our relationship is stronger than ever.”
Briana agrees, “My mom has been amazing. It’s been really fun planning the wedding with her and just having her by my side.”
The ceremony took place on May 12 at the Bacara Resort and Spa in Santa Barbara. The bride wore a gown of Italian lace and carried a bouquet of roses as the pair read their vows at sunset. Missing from the guest list? Vicki’s castmates. She explains, “[I]t had to be about Briana and Ryan. It is not my party.”
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was all about the things we do for love. Some women finally change their name after a decade of marriage, some women overlook grifting opportunists because they bring her coffee, and some women… well they’ll just leave their man alone from 10-2 everyday so he can pretend to do stuff. Love is a powerful thing, but equally powerful is denial. I feel like Heather Dubrow needs to start teaching a class about how to have an adult relationship.
The other thing that happened was the sort of not so epic Tamra Barney vs. Alexis Bellino showdown. T’was sort of, I dunno, meh… and predictable.
Ok, so we begin with Brooks Ayers descending upon Vicki Gunvalson‘s office with of all things Starbucks. Blessed Starbucks. Hey, I’m a girl who loves her coffee and I wouldn’t throw a man out the door for bringing me lattes he bought on my credit card.
Shockingly Brooks was only bearing breakfast, not a folder full of Hallmark cards. Remember those wallets everyone’s dad used to have before smartphones and iPads – the ones with the flip out photo holder? I think Brooks has one full of affirmations and inspirational quote cards. Need a lift, I’ve got good tidings to go! I bet he just whips them out whenever Vicki starts asking too many questions.
Vicki tells Mr. Hallmark about the fight with Briana Culberson, including that Briana called him an opportunist. Brooks starts rambling on about how Briana has truth, her truth and I can see him straining to remember that Joel Osteen segment on being the best you you can be. Truthfully though, I think Brooks handled it well. Vicki doesn’t understand why Briana is upset, after all she’s always been the perfect mother! Yep – she said that.
Naturally, Vicki thinks Briana has daddy issues because of her father and Donn. I wonder if Briana has daddy issues or mommy issues? Vicki cries that she is tired of her life being under construction, she just wants her life to be finished product. Are these two perfect for each other or what? Love tanks, construction zones, what’s next? A garden analogy?
If you were watching last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County, you know there was an quite the jaw dropping scene, and I’m not talking about Alexis Bellino’s birthday speech. Vicki Gunvalson and newlywed daughter Briana Culberson got into quite the war of words regarding Vicki’s new beau Brooks Ayers and Briana’s new husband Ryan…you know, the guy who took Vicki’s one and only daughter to a drive-thru wedding chapel. She just can’t get over that, can she? Briana even goes as far as saying that her mother was having an emotional affair with Brooks while still married to Donn. Vicki discusses the fight in this week’s Bravo blog:
When I was in Briana’s condo having this terribly heated discussion with her, I knew no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to convince her to accept Brooks and I dating. For that matter, no matter what she said was not going to convince me that marrying Ryan so quickly was the best decision either. I believe no matter who I was dating, she would have reacted the same way. It wasn’t Brooks in particular; it was me dating in general.
What you didn’t see is I left her home in tears, and just sat in the street and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I realized it was not the end of the world if my daughter does not like the man I am dating.