Deep in the middle of Real Housewives of Orange County, it was a beautiful clear night overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It could have been the setting from a movie, but instead it was real-ish life. And from Heather Dubrow‘s palatial lawn stars dotted the sky of what should have been a perfect evening. Sadly, an evil eye had befallen the enchanted party and instead of an evening of friendship, love and celebration – it was one recriminations, accusations, and petty slights.
‘Perhaps the drinks flowed too abundantly?’ Heather thought to herself. ‘Perhaps I was too liberal with the invitations?’ she pondered. But then she remembered, she had sold her soul; let it all slip away and now Bravo owned her – they owned her home, her celebrations, and even her name. Well, at least for next couple years. Oh, well might as well make the best of it. Champs for all!
Last week there were issues over a bow. Some loose ends were left untied and Sarah Winterchester, the faux-heiress (who left her holler for the wilds of Orange County), was being shown the door at this exclusive party. Sarah began to realize the Xanax in her purse was a bad idea (OK, I made that part up). Also a bad idea – letting herself be talked into attending a party where she was out of her element, nervous as hell, and wearing the dress she bought at the adult superstore on Sunset. All in all, mistakes were made and she would suffer for them. One can escape the trailer park, but never really escape the trailer park. Just ask Tamra!
In her Bravo blog, Vicki compares Tamra to Jeana Keough, writing, “I…believe Tamra should not have chosenHeather [Dubrow]‘s party to replay her drama with the wine episode with Jeana. Remember why Tamra was mad at Jeana last year? To refresh your memory, it was because Jeana was getting involved in Tamra and Simon’s marriage and “butting in.” Hmmm. . .isn’t that what she has been doing with Brooks and I?”
Oh Real Housewives of Orange County – it’s almost time for us to part ways, but not before some magnificent drama. Oh, yes last night’s episode. Oh it was a silly bit of fun. Princess Thespian of All Times Heather Dubrow had a re-naming party which is not at all like a wedding, except it took the same precedence as a wedding in her mind.
And because it was the all-important end of the season cast party when Bravo makes everyone put on their mankiest fur coats and truck out to some godforsaken themed event, everyone was there. Like even the ones that aren’t really there, if you catch my drift.
But before we get to that little shin-dig, we have to wade through the rest of this episode. Things start out with Tamra Barney meeting Heather andGretchen Rossi for drinks cause she has a very special announcement. Tammie Sue is gettin’ married for the very third time.
Oh, Tammie – I love your optimism. This ones really gonna work isn’t it? This is like a Lifetime movie. Did I mention that I am totally obsessed in a big huge way with Lifetime – cause I am. And before you ask – yes, I watched Blue Lagoon.
So last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we watched Tamra Barney get engaged to Eddie Judge on the most amazingly romantic trip to Bora Bora. It was a beautiful proposal and a lovely vacation – and congrats to the happy couple. Dang, I’d date Eddie for a vacation like that.
There’s been a lot of gossip that this trip was originally planned for Gretchen Rossi and Slave Smileybecause he was going to surprise her with a proposal in the hopes of getting a spinoff, of course! Unfortunately – according to legend – Gretchen found out about Slave’s plan and flipped her shizz so Bravo offered up the trip to Eddie instead. And it’s a good thing that Gretchen refused to go, because while Eddie has a job, Slave doesn’t and we all know there’s no way in hell he could afford the Four Seasons and first class airfare to Bora Bora.
Now I’m not saying Eddie wasn’t planning to propose already – he probably was – but who would pass up a 5-star vacation to Bora Bora? Not anyone with sense, that’s for sure. Tamra is obviously beside herself that anyone would ever think such a thing and even went so far to get into a twitter snipe fest with former Real Housewives of New York star Alex McCord over the accusation. You know there may be no truth to it, but as Aviva Drescher reminded us last night where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire – and there’s been a lot of smoke surrounding this story.
Oh, the repercussions of Costa Mexico! Just once I’d love to write something happy or positive about one of Bravo’s housewives franchises, but alas, I may have to wait until 2013. Here’s hoping! Oh well, onto the Real Housewives of Orange County! Before we begin, let me start with a disclaimer I seem to tout with all of these housewives posts. These women are all pretty much ridiculous. (Not you, Heather Dubrow. Want to plan a wardrobe swap soon? I’ve got some great Target pieces I think you’d really love to wear! Call me. #eventrade)
With all the fallout from the recent intervention (you know, the one that let Alexis Bellino know she’s shallow and pretentious…so nothing like her co-stars), it was rumored that the reunion may be missing a cast member. Thankfully, Alexis didn’t pull a Jacqueline Laurita, and she was there to face Andy Cohen’s music with the rest of her O.C. cohorts.
Uh oh. Could everyone’s favorite Real Housewives of Orange County couple be heading for Splitsville (population Slade Smiley)? I know you will all be as devastated as I am if this is true. A source close to Gretchen Rossi (of course) recently spilled some dirt on the couple’s relationship to RadarOnline.com, and said source doesn’t appear to be a fan of Sladey Wadey.
“Gretchen is growing tired of taking care of Slade and paying for everything in his life and she’s just about had it,” the insider tells the site.
“She is supporting him and helping to pay his legal bills and it’s getting to be too much for her,” the source reveals. “Gretchen is seriously considering ending the relationship because she’s sick of doing everything for Slade.”
Well, well, well… Alexis Bellino and Gretchen Rossi have officially broken the Blomb Squad (that’s dumb and blonde). Last night on the Real Housewives of Orange County the rain continued to pour in the jungle as Alexis found herself in the middle of an onslaught. And poor Gretchen got cast aside as Lex’s resident BFF after Alexis determined that she too was involved in the attacks. Oh, the politics of being a Housewife.
We continue where left off with the face-off round the dinner table. The rain makes me think that all of Costa Mexico is crying on Alexis‘ behalf. Alexis remindsTamra Barney that though she may believe she’s perfect, being a mean hateful bitch makes her flawed too. Alexis suggests Tammie Sue work on her own issues before pointing fingers her way. Like Alexis or not, she has a good point.
Alexis snipes that just because Tamra got her implants taken out doesn’t mean she’s real. Touche. And Vicki Gunvalson pipes up to remind us that all of them are fake as designers imposters perfume and that all these ladies are materialistic – that’s why they’re rocking LV and Chanel in the jungle. Alexis accuses Tamra of badmouthing her which is why Terry thought she was fake – Tamra denies it. Sadly, it was actually Gretchen who was badmouthing Alexis behind her back to Terry.
Many have wondered – especially me – just how much money do the ladies of Real Housewives get to act like such loons on national television. Oh, whoops – I meant: How much do they make to act like such classy examples of wealthy American women. Freudian slip!
Anyway, RadarOnline seems to have the answers I’ve been looking for. According to the sometimes right usually not site, Vicki Gunvalson – the OG of all Housewives everywhere – earns a whopping $450,000 per season to obsess about working and have various meltdowns.
I will say, like her or not, Vicki has more or less remained her same wacky self throughout the years and I don’t think she’s acting for the cameras… unlike some of the other grossly overpaid high earning reality stars! Like NeNe Leakes, for instance! The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is reportedly the highest paid of all the women in the franchises – commanding an insane $750,000 per season.