Princess Heather Dubrow, most esteemed actress of all times (back off Meryl Streep) took a break from Academy Award winning sitcom guesties to blog about that other thing she does in her spare time outside of winning like all the Tonys in all the world: Real Housewives of Orange County.
On the heels of the final installment of the reunion, in which Vicki Gunvalson got the frizz put back in her professionally straightened hair as she was forced to confront all the lameness that is Brooks Ayers, Heather gives her comments on the emotional season and what she hopes is to come.
"I felt differently this year at the reunion. No longer the 'new girl' I have now formed real relationships with these women and am invested in them," Heatherbegins. And with real friendships comes real ammunition!
It's always odd to refer to reality TV as too much reality but last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was like watching a high-gloss, ultraglam version of Intervention.
Vicki Gunvalson needs a serious wake-up call and unfortunately being called out on national television by her daughter and close friends wasn't enough to do it.
Here let me try to help: Vicki – BROOKS AYERS is a loser. He's using you. He's gross. No one likes him for a reason. Please dump him, get a restraining order, and then get thoroughly STD tested. Hey that's just my advice, but I think you should take it! I'm starting to think Brooks has some serious mega dirt on Vicki – is this a case of blackmail gone Stockholm Syndrome?
Joining him will be Briana Culberson whose hubby Ryan is behind the recordings. Vicki apparently breaks down. In the wake of all the drama there is a lot of swirling information about whether or not Vicki and Brooks have broken up?
I dunno what you call that sort of cry where no liquid emanates? I mean is it all the botox? At the very least I would expect wine to come out 'cause all they consume is wine. Well, that and bulls#*!.
So much happened last night – where to begin…
Well, let's all get this out of the way: Alexis Bellino talked about JIM BLOB's man part. It was the most awkward 2 minutes of television ever! She tripped and stumbled over a forced non sequitur about how he wears a size 14 shoe if you know what she's saying… EW! So that's how things started and if you can believe it they went downhill from there!
After surviving (just barely) her first reunion, Lydia admits she isn't proud of her behavior and she isn't sure this environment of "constant attacks and debating" is for her! She also explains why her magazine chose not to feature Heather Dubrow on the cover, but she does offer Heather an apology for being snarky. Apparently the two are still friends… for now!
"So that wasn't fun! The ladies tried to warn me that my my first reunion would be intense, which is an understatement! I don't think you could ever be mentally prepared for a day like that," Lydia begins in her Bravo blog.
Alright let's dive into this whole Real Housewives of Orange County reunion thing! We've got Memory Lapse Monday happening here because Tamra Barney is confusing this season's storyline with one from two years ago. Did her shock therapy malfunction? Yeppers, Gretchen Rossi is back in the hotseat for cheating on her deceased fiancé Jeff with another man. Nevermind that NO ONE CARES CAUSE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS FOR FOUR YEARS, we're rehashing it aaaagain.
So with that out of the way let's talk outfits. Gretchen is clearly bringing her little portable Barbie closet she had from childhood to the designer for Alexis Couture and asking for direct reproductions. All of her little girl dreams of sparkles, flounces, and seafoam fantasies are being brought to life. Seriously Gretchen is reliving my youth with that aquamarine number. I especially loved how she matched the side-weave to the one-sleeve.
Heather Dubrow's hair needs a deep conditioner and a good cut. Even though I'm sure Princess Champs On Ice probably pays $300 for a haircut, it looks like Gretchen played Barbies with Heather's head. Since Heather is the brown-hair Barbie friend Gretchen practiced "beauty school" with her locks. Result: fail.
What can we say about last night's season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County except those ladies need to re-evaluate their choices in men! Dang girls… Dr. V needs to get in there and do a summit on low self-esteem and co-dependent entanglements. I mean, that was a m.e.s.s. And not a fun one!
We're all back in the fabricated winter wonderland ofVicki Gunvalson's back yard. Despite the warm California breeze, glitterfied snow is everywhere. Suddenly the air turns icy… Gretchen Rossi has arrived. On her arm, an abominable faux man – Slave Smiley. While Gretchen pageant glides, in smiling engagingly at the Styrofoam penguin statues and paper mache snowmen, the other ladies are gorging themselves on a 'We hate Gretchen' buffet of snide comments and frosty complaints.
Poor Gretchen, the wool was pulled over her eyes because she had no idea the entertainment for the evening was pelting her with verbal snowballs and stealing her mittens.
And meanwhile, some other backstabbing was taking place at the party! See Vicki has a son-in-law FROM HELL and he was melting all the cute little decorations with his vendetta of mean. There he was shuffling around the party, drink in hand, complaining about Vicki, hinting at all the dirt he has on Brooks, and boasting that he basically controls Vicki's house by refusing to let Brooks in. Good lord! Shut. Up. Was Ryan auditioning for RHOC to replace Tamra Barney as next season's villain?
Last week we all saw Gretchen Rossi propose to longtime love Slade Smiley. It was a really authentic moment and all y'all complete with a song you can buy on iTunes. Well not everyone is happy for the couple.
Upon hearing Tamra's comments, Gretchen insists her love and her desire to get married is completely genuine and Tamra's comments are really hurtful.
"I'm on a reality show so it seems silly that I wouldn't consider filming that," Gretchentells ABC News. "I think it's ironic that it's coming from the cast member that just recently got married on TV and got her own spin-off," Gretchen adds. "It's very hurtful."