After this week’s exhausting installment of Real Housewives of New York, there may be nary a NY housewife left who is willing to give Sonja Morganone more inch…or one more drink. After Sonja’s Rain-Man inspired “I’m a Very Good PR Person” rambling, among other drunken rants that lasted nearly 24 annoying hours on their Atlantic City trip, Luann de Lesseps says in her recent Bravo blog that she is done, done, done trying to reason with Lady Morgan.
Beginning with the limo ride Luann thankfully missed, she says, “I’ve never been happier to skip a limo ride than I was when the girls left to do AC! What was up with Lady Morgan leaving the girls singing (bitching) in the rain until she was ready to leave? Why couldn’t one of her multiple assistants make them a cup of tea while they waited? I wonder sometimes if Sonja is just clueless or self-absorbed (or both).” Bethenny Frankel’sroadside urination (hey, we’ve all been there, amiright?!) was also something the Countess is happy to have missed: “This is not the first time we’ve seen Bethenny pee on television, but hopefully it’s our last. Incontinent women, baby wipes, and va-jjs are just the beginning of what you are going to see in Atlantic City. Wasn’t there a rest stop along the way?”
What is happening with Sonja Morgan? Remember when she was the zany, lovable, yet refreshingly sensible one from her first season? Remember when she was THE VOICE OF REASON on Scary Island? Clearly Kelly Bensimon sent Sonja a care package of some gummy bears and Al Sharpton posters because Sonja has left the building – quick someone grab a snatch guard!
The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are supposed to be headed to Atlantic City by way of Le Crumbles Magnificique Abode, where the interns reign supreme and the heat is emitted only from the bank of toaster ovens plugged into the wall in what was formerly the maid’s quarters, but has electricity that runs from the neighbor’s mansion. Sonja wanted the girls to meet at her home to board a party-limo to AC for Ramona Singer‘s Suddenly Single Birthday Bash, but she’s late and leaves them all outside – in very in-climate weather.
Heather Thomson, Kristen Taekman, and Dorinda Medley arrived – on time – but Sonja was lost in the abyss of her thrice re-Sharpied Chanels and her twice-re-superglued Oscars figuring out what to pack and wouldn’t let the girls in – even to wait in the vestibule! Seriously – she had an intern open the door, then promptly shut it in their faces, because Lady Morgan wasn’t ready to accept guests. An intern can’t entertain them with magic tricks while Sonja packs!? I hear Sno-Cone can juggle and make tea simultaneously!
Toaster Ovens and Yummie Tummies and Nigerian Football Teams – Oh My!
Heather Thomsontouches on them all in her latest Bravo blog, claiming that she has Sonja Morgan’s best interests at heart despite what Sonja (and the viewers) might think. Heather starts by saying, “I’ve always tried to be on Team Sonja. And to contradict her recent blog, I don’t ever, have never, and will never stand on a soap box unless I am advocating for a charity or helping others.”
Although she might not have it out for Sonja, Heather does say she will not be burned twice when it comes to entering Sonja’s world of unicorns and rainbows. “I have been down Sonja ‘Sexy J’ Morgan’s rabbit hole before: spending valuable time, energy, and favors on her pursuits, unfortunately, to no end,” she says, adding that “I was simply not in the know that Sonja had sourced a group to back a fashion endeavor, hiring freelance consultants and a designer to pull a collection together. And I was surprised to learn from Bethenny [Frankel]that she had. I was interested to learn more about it and lend whatever I potentially could. But,‘The Countess’boomed in and, as the case often goes, things flew off the rails. And it’s frustrating.”
Although inherently likable in a crazy semi-drunken auntie kind of way, Sonja Morgan is quickly heading into Kim Richards territory with her constant “Don’t ask me about my businesses! My businesses are FINE! I am not struggling with my businesses!!” Hmmm…we thinketh the lady doth protest too much, no? In her Bravo blog, Lady Morgan attempts yet again to set the record straight about her many business ventures, her relationships with the other Real Housewives of New York ladies, and why she thinks Bethenny Frankelhas ulterior motives. Putting Bethenny (the only person willing to enter into Sonja’s delusions to ‘help’ her at this point) on blast right away, Sonja opens her blog by saying, “I don’t feel like Bethenny is really able to understand my businesses and my situation enough to ask some of the driving questions at this point. Especially after the briefing she got from the other girls who pretend I haven’t been working my tail off and don’t know how to run a business.” She adds that Bethenny’s realistic and savvy inappropriate questions darn near give her the vapors! “Bethenny can get a person flustered, though. Like when we were talking about how I had to file the Chapter 11. Bethenny has never had to do that before that I know of and really doesn’t understand the process. Believe me, no one knows until they live it,” says Sonja.
Backtracking a bit, Sonja adds, “I didn’t mean to come off as ungrateful to the process of reorganization when I said that there would be fumes left if I sold the house. I was just caught off guard, because Bethenny has a habit of cutting people off and throwing her generalized opinions so freely.” As for her explanation of how the real estate market works, well, let’s just read it straight from the intern’s mind of Sonja: “I definitely have been blessed to have the opportunity to sell off assets to pay the judgment. Very! It’s enabled me to keep my house, my asset, and stability for my young daughter. Sorry, Bethenny, selling real estate and scaling down is not good business. Only sell to go bigger, leverage, and take tax advantages. That is if you can. I have owned my real estate for 18 years; it would be a shame to take a hit with that kind of appreciation.” She will not be scaled down, people! Her yacht may have sailed, but her dinghy is comin’ on in!
After last night’s Real Housewives of New York, perhaps we all need a moment to reflect on the relationships between Sonja Morgan and…everybody else. Including an invisible castmate named “Earth.” In Bethenny Frankel’sBravo blog this week, she claims that Sonja’s fabulously out-of-orbit self is just fine the way she is and – even if her businesses are more “in her head” than “in a store” – well, that’s apparently A-okay too! She begins with, “Aaaah Sonja. The truth is I love her. There are times during this season that that will be difficult to believe, but I simply do. Some people are cunning and have a malicious or shifty or disingenuous side. Sonja has none of that. She is a good person. She is just often misguided and misdirected.” She adds, “Sonja allows herself to be messy; that is to be respected in its own way.” Agreed! (Well, to a point.)
Of her meeting with Sonja and her “team” of international temp agency props at Sonja’s “fashion presentation” Bethenny admits that the whole thing reeked of shifty and suspect behavior: “I think she front-loaded that staff for effect. I will bet everything…that not one of those people is on salary. I happen to have an international brand and barely have that many people with those fancy titles, so there is definitely smoke and mirrors there.” But Bethenny claims she doesn’t want to “give unsolicited advice” this season, so she walks “a slippery slope.” She says, “I’m damned if I do anything in the way of business advice. Whether it’s positive or negative advice, it will appear that I’m better than and an expert, and that’s simply not how I view myself.” Hmmm, not an expert she says? In the next breath, non-expert Bethenny adds, “I have a lot of experience: I’m in the trenches, and I keep learning and making mistakes every day. Sonja doesn’t have that experience, and, for her to succeed, she needs to get focused and start absorbing more information (that’s how I learned– mouth shut and ears open). Business is hard, and she needs to learn what it really takes to focus on one thing and see it to the finish line. ‘Accessible luxury’ is a start. And–no–she doesn’t owe me a car.” #holla!
The true story of Real Housewives Of New York is not what’s happening on the episode, but what’s happening on twitter while the episode is airing. Things have gone from A to F–ked with Luann de Lesseps and Carole Radziwill slamming each other something l0w-down dirty and arguing over the proclivities and scheduling conflicts of a thirty-something boy. They’re like two mommies in a custody dispute. Ladies – it’s embarrassing.
Basically Carole started dating Luann’s nieces ex-boyfriend, but didn’t tell Luann because she’s scared of what Lu will think. Even though Carole claims the niece and the fling broke up over a year ago. Interesting. Before all that cockamamie nonsense, we have to get to Sonja Morgan‘s cockamamie nonsense – and she doesn’t swallow unless its for a Black Card (or a pinot).
In her latest Bravo blog, she comments on drama, dating, and daughters – and it’s all shockingly above board! Dorinda starts by reacting to Carole Radziwill’s news of dating Luann de Lesseps‘ much-younger chef. Dorinda admits she was surprised by the news, but says “I didn’t know all the complexities at play, as well as her dating habits. I felt this might cause some problems with Luann, as it is a little close to home in many ways. We’ll see. I choose to stay out of people’s dating lives, as a rule, since it’s none of my business.” She adds, “At this point in our lives (for Carole and I, at least), we make our own choices and what comes of it, comes of it. As Doris Day said, ‘Que sera, sera.’”
Someone at the Real Housewives Of New York emporium got a little too liberal with the Sex And The City DVDs this season. I’ve been missing my vintage Carrie Bradshaw as much as the next former 20-something girl of a certain millennium, but do we really need to re-live her life starring Carole Radziwill in My So-Called Reality Show? (Another gem of my generation).
While Carole is busy cosplaying Carrie, the other girls are busy being Housewives and starting high velocity fights over wrangled pretenses and loose indignations. Carole is riding bikes in heels around NYC, dating a boy who doesn’t wanna grow up, experimenting with drugs, getting munchies for KFC, losing her virginity <insert emoji here>, and rocking those Jordache jeans she saved all her babysitting money to buy. Life is good when mercury is in retrograde.