Last night on MTV Real World Spring Break, oh… errrr…Oops! I mean Middle-Aged (Wannabe) Girls Gone Wild. Oh… danggit – I mean Real Housewives of New York! There we go, that's the right show. Anyway, last night on RHONY the battle between Turtletime and Hurricane Aviva continued to rage. I think we're going to have to declare this one a draw because both these crazies went in circles like a typhoon and I don't think anything was resolved!
So things begin with a little bitching and arguing over what else – girls trip vs. couple's retreat. What about therapeutic retreat? Why didn't Bravo call in some therapists to assist with the lunacy and sit everyone down for a good ol' " I feel" session followed by some team building exercises?
Over breakfast, Reid and Russ are present and this is not acceptable. A clearly hung-over Sonja Morgan is shoveling in the food at warp speed and complaining about being called white trash. Pinot Singer and Sonja try to "pretend" they have no idea what that even means and hop on Google for a little investigative research. They get on dictionary.com and are most surprised to find a photo of themselves right next to the description. Oh, that can't be because White Trash means "poor" and they are not poor. They are just bankrupt and married to (or divorced from) money. Then someone distracts them by yelling wine and they decide oh, well at least White Trash means you're nice and it doesn't have anything to do with being inhospitable anyway.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger.
Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine.
Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information.
Today’s bitch please award goes to LuAnn de Lesseps who told a big ol’ whopper on national TV and got caught! Ohhh girl, c’mon – everyone knows Bravo loves to expose a misdeed.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies arrived in St. Barths. On the teeny, tiny plane to the island nearly everyone is uncomfortable and I was wishing and hoping for a moment straight out of the seventies spoof movie Airplane. Inflata-auto-pilot? Yes, please.
So they all landed in peace and that was about the only peaceful moment of the trip. Actually I take that back everyone got along remarkably well and kept it in check especially considering Pinot Singer AND Heather Thomson AND LuAnn were there!
Last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York brought drama from end to end. Pinot Singer and Heather Thomson have been butting heads all season and things came to a peak last week with a ridiculous, over-blown argument at a supposedly “upscale” party. In the midst of the chaos, Heather called Ramona “crazy” cause hey, she is. Well, as you can imagine, that didn’t go so well.
“Calling a man’s wife crazy was probably not the best approach but initially Mario didn’t seem to disagree that Ramona was acting irrational. And in light of her behavior, I think crazy wasn’t far off the mark,” Heather writes in her Bravo Blog.
“Ramona should be fighting her own ‘bottles,’ but instead of facing her issues she’s dropping bombs and then and running off, like always, and I am left to face Mario now.”
Ramona and Sonja are cackling drunkie-drunkifers who happen to be charming in their own minds. Delusional, desperate, clinging to the disillusion that they matter, and running amok like a middle-aged hasbeen PinotDee and PinotDumb. It’s time to put down the wine and the antics and grow the eff up. Turtle Time is over.
Things begin where they left off with Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher meeting beak to beak to discuss the inappropriateness of talking behind someone’s back. And ironically, Ramona is hiding right behind Heather’s back listening in. Cue an wine-fueled embarrassing meltdown of screaming obscenities across someone else’s party.
Leaping lizards! This week’s Real Housewives of New York followed the same formula it has all season: Heather Thomson is frustrated with Sonja Morgan and her toaster oven shenanigans, Sonja is flighty, Jacques gets more Gellar-like, criticism goes over LuAnn de Lesseps‘ head, Aviva Drescher has anxiety and a kinky, super tan dad, Reid is adorbs, Carole Radziwill is the voice of reason with a less than stellar wardrobe, and Heather’s Cheshire cat grin irks the poo out of pinot swilling Ramona Singer. Lather, rinse, repeat. So it was kind of a shock to learn that this episode was the most watched since the premiere with 1.7 million viewers tuning in to the Bravo show.
Thankfully, we have the women’s Bravo blogs to rehash the events of the week. Let the passive aggressive digs begin!
It is a rarity to watch an episode of Real Housewives of New York and have any idea what is going on. With the constant insertion of Pinot Singer‘s insanity, I often find myself staring at the TV, mouth agape, simply wondering what the eff?
I generally put Sonja Morgan in the category of ‘nice person under duress’… I’ve pondered whether or not she has Stockholm Syndrome. My pondering is over… the former Mrs. Morgan is now co-captain on the batshit crazy train and headed straight to the asylum. I only hope the drugs are as strong as the delusions.
So last night I’m pretty sure viewers were left with many questions, the most important of all being: How is Sonja friends with a supposed super high-end important NY society people and who the hell let Pinot invade a party with her bad behavior, gross wine, and twenty-years past cute cocktail attire? Only a crazy person would allow that to go on. Where is the Sonja that demanded Alex McCord, her hideous dress, and her equally hideous manners get out of her house? More on all of this later, but first let’s start with Carole Radziwill‘s Christmas dinner.
The ratings on Real Housewives of New York are finally really picking up – which coincidentally coincides with an increase in drama. Out to demonstrate that the on-screen drama matches the off-screen drama the ladies took to Twitter following Monday’s episode to square-off and call each other out. Taking most of the beating? Why Pinot Singer, of course!
First up, Ramona chose to involve herself in the business matters between Heather Thomson and Sonja Morgan. If you recall, Heather announced that Sonja was not a client, because, well clients pay and Sonja she was receiving some friendly advice free of charge.