Last night on Real Housewives of New York somebody got diarrhea! Isn't that a fantastically mature and classy storyline for a show supposedly about the upper-echelon of New York society. The thing about Housewives that happens is they burst onto the scene and present all these admonitions about how people should behave and why – meanwhile never quite behaving that way themselves. It's a curious phenomenon, one explored over and over again without pause.
Pinot Singer can't stop with her pinographies on how she's as lucid as the wine is white and the trash is not. And MevivaDrescher can't stop with her mespousing about how everyone is wrong and she is the definition of the right of the right. Unbutton your top button Meviva, have a glass of wine (a Xanax might put you over the edge) and accept that crazy can't even be managed by Nurse Ratchet and she had far sturdier shoes than you. Although, I'll hand it to Meviva – she put that education to good use and her lawyer-y skills were out and abundant over the tea that scalds and burns.
And in other news Aviva's father George returned. And yeah, please go back from whence you came.
Taking to their twitter pages, the ladies all posted their reactions as well as tons of photos! Some people got dressed in the dark, clearly. Andy Cohen announced that the reunion was filmed in an "art deco fantasy land in Manhattan."
According to the Huffington Post none of the ladies know the location of the reunion until they arrive! "None of the cast members know the location of the taping,” a Bravo insider shared. “They have been told cars will pick them up from their apartments early tomorrow morning and take them to the secret venue to get hair, makeup and dresses."
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR PHOTOS FROM THE REUNION!
Last night on Real Housewives of New York one special housewife had a resurgence of adolescence when all she talked about was me, me, me, mememememememmememememe! Yep – one whole long hour of Aviva Drescher, her phobias, the horrible St. Barths psycation, and her problems with Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle Cum. Luckily Heather Thomson was there to speak for the masses, be the voice of reason, and finally suggest that she maybe just LET. IT. GO.
Things begin with a dinner party in a lovely UES apartment. Attending the party are siamese twins Pinot Singer and Sonja Morgan and their frienemy LuAnn de Lesseps. Apparently all three ladies share a mutual friend who is probably looking for camera time because she's selling her apartment, her recipes, her interior design business, her dignity, her husband, whatever…
LuAnn lets us know things have been strained with Jacques since she told him about the incidents in St. Barths, mainly pertaining to a late-night episode in piratry, so she's been giving him extra reassurance that she cares.
The National Enquirer (quick break to snicker) recently announced that George's current girlfriend, knock-out Stacy Kiebler is reportedly uber jealous to learn of his former fling.
Carole insomuch as admitted the hook-up, tweeting: “I don’t kiss and tell, but if I did, I’d say Clooney was a very good kisser…” Which infuriated an already "extremely jealous" Stacy.
Apparently the problem lies in the fact that George never told Stacy about his sexytimes with Carole! “Stacy knows he’s hooked up with a lot of other women before they started going out. But she thought she knew about all of them. Now Stacy is wondering who else George didn’t tell her about.”
Following Monday's crazy St. Barths finale I have a feeling the Real Housewives of New York still haven't recovered from the vacation no one ever needed (or wanted!). Thanks Bravo.
Heather Thomson managed to be in a small minority (re: party of two) of people who didn't embarrass the hell out of themselves and lose their sanity (or their underwear), which is commendable given the environment. Again, thanks Bravo!
When asked if the show has changed her life – or her business – Heather agreed that there was definitely a "big change".
"When I first signed on for the show, I expected it to be a really four solid months of my life. It's not. It's a year, it's a full-time job. It never stops. I mean, from filming the show to the talking heads, the interviews, appearing on Andy [Cohen]'s show, to the press that you do to support the show and the cast — and of course I'm not going to not do all of that — so it's always on my agenda, every week. Even when we're done filming."
Last night on MTV Real World Spring Break, oh… errrr…Oops! I mean Middle-Aged (Wannabe) Girls Gone Wild. Oh… danggit – I mean Real Housewives of New York! There we go, that's the right show. Anyway, last night on RHONY the battle between Turtletime and Hurricane Aviva continued to rage. I think we're going to have to declare this one a draw because both these crazies went in circles like a typhoon and I don't think anything was resolved!
So things begin with a little bitching and arguing over what else – girls trip vs. couple's retreat. What about therapeutic retreat? Why didn't Bravo call in some therapists to assist with the lunacy and sit everyone down for a good ol' " I feel" session followed by some team building exercises?
Over breakfast, Reid and Russ are present and this is not acceptable. A clearly hung-over Sonja Morgan is shoveling in the food at warp speed and complaining about being called white trash. Pinot Singer and Sonja try to "pretend" they have no idea what that even means and hop on Google for a little investigative research. They get on dictionary.com and are most surprised to find a photo of themselves right next to the description. Oh, that can't be because White Trash means "poor" and they are not poor. They are just bankrupt and married to (or divorced from) money. Then someone distracts them by yelling wine and they decide oh, well at least White Trash means you're nice and it doesn't have anything to do with being inhospitable anyway.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York gale force winds and torrential rains swept through the tiny island of St. Barths. Yes, Hurricane Aviva had arrived and she was there with a vengeance and a fury. Whipping through the villa, shaking the trees with the huffs and blows of her screams and drenching the luxury with her tears and anger.
Oh, Aviva Drescher. She wanted a red carpet, a cookie, for her husband to be exalted as a saint all because she got on an airplane and showed up. Too bad everyone else was like, 'whatever bitch – have a drink.' So yeah – needless to say paths were crossed, enemy lines were drawn, and her arrival sank like a torpedoed submarine.
Before we get to all of that, the girls are still – shockingly – getting along, despite Pinot Singer's insistence at stalking the lovely and handsome pirate one night stand of LuAnn de Lesseps. 'Tomas! Whacha do last night? ' Pinot leered, wine sloshing over the top of her glass, wine bloat bursting out of her hideous flesh-colored dress, eyes popping and crackling with desire. Not desire for Tomas you understand, but desire for incriminating information.