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Honey Boo Boo

Give us your best caption for this hilarious photo of Anderson Cooper with his cardboard standee of Honey Boo Boo.  You know you're Googling it right now so you can order one of your very own.  Admit it.  We won't judge you.

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Last night was the hour-long season finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which means it was 60 whole long minits (57 if you do math like Mama does) of kuntry-kussin and hollerin! Anna finally had Kaitlyn, Honey brought the sass in a last-minute pageant, and freaking gnats drove everyone waving, slapping, shushing, cussing, flapping crazy. 

So it all started out innocently enough. Mama had the grand idear of doing a famlee photo shoot in 100 degree heat down by the boat water. So they all trundle down these big rocks – even super prego Anna – to pose as the four sisters while Mama stands under the bridge directin' things. Everybody has dressed up – which means even Mama put on some make-up and I must say she looks sweet. Family star Alana is dressed to the nines, but she left her A-game pageant attitude back at the convenience store down the road cause she was crotchety all day. And she got mud alover her clothes within five minites of gettin' thayre. 

Alana says she doesn't do well with heat. After much bickering and Sugar Bear showing up in a t-shirt, claiming he only dresses up for funerals – the family gets  some cute photos. The photographer has already changed her number just in case they ever call her again. She just doesn't have the stamina for Boo Boo bickering. Apparently holding hands and walking together was the most challenging part of the day for them – getting along, unlike couponing, is not their strong suit. I think they should make those free family coupon books – like, 'This coupon is good for one free hug.' Remember those?

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You know, I often think that if we normal people would just ignore all things Kardashian, the family would slowly fade into obscurity.  Of course, I realize the irony of me wishing this would happen while blogging about them.  I also realize it is never going to happen if non-normal (read: wacky celebs and "news correspondents") people keep giving them the time of day.

That said, I have an announcement to make.  I am now watching Good Morning America for the first time ever.  I don't know why I waited this long as I think George Stephanopoulos is hot, and I adore Amy Robach.  The TODAY Show is dead to me.  I'm sorry, Al Roker.  I'll always think highly of you, as I know the show stripped you of extra time with your best pal Ann Curry, but to Matt Lauer (I blame you for Ann!) and the rest of the morning show's cronies, I say, for shame.  (P.S. I still heart you, Willie Geist!)

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On last night's episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo the family celebrated Fourth of July southern redneck style. It included parties on the lake, gourmet meals, cabanas on the lawn, luxury shopping, chauffeured cars, and sunbathing and swimming. So relaxing. But before all that they had to get to pamperin'. Shhhh… It's A Wig! 

Honey needs a new pageant "wiglet" or a semi-full piece to add accent to her hair so they go to some place called Shhh… It's A Wig. Which may just be the best thing any of these Boo Boos have ever heard. Well, except Chubs. She lays down on the floor for a nap. Snore… It's A Wig!

Although the wig they put on Honey looks a lot like a Dolly Parton gone electrocuted, the family decides to have fun with it and do a wig fashion show. The store clerk deems them very interesting while she hopes they leave before breaking anything and that her establishment gets plenty of business courtesy of TLC. 

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Oh, lawd. Well, it's happening… I'm being held hostage and forced to write recaps of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. I oughta just call these recaps: Memories Of The Mountain State: The Reality TV Homecoming Of Mary McClelland. 

So last night baby Kaitlyn nearly came out of Anna's biscuit before she was done bakin' or bacon depending on who you ask: Mama or Honey Boo Boo

Seventeen-year-old Anna started having contractions at 34 weeks and said they made her vajayjay hurt. Girl, I have got to tell you – THAT is called pregnancy. So they called 9-1-1 and raced Anna to the hospital in an am'blance. Seriously. Did the pageant mobile not have gas in it? Did Honey put spray tan in the tank? Mama yells at her not to push. 

At the hospital Anna is disappointed she is in pain and has stuff on her stomach. Well, stuff comin' out of yer coochie is what having a baby is like, Anna. It hurts a lot more comin out than it does goin' in, girl! The doctors send Anna home and she's on strict bedrest. No baby Kaitlyn yet – Mama is relieved because taking care of a premie is a lot of work. Honey Boo Boo pokes at Anna repeatedly to make sure she's not pushing out a bacon. All clear. 

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Whhheweee… y’alls gots somz prob-lems in the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo house! According to a report from the local police in McIntyre, Georgia they were called to the home over a suspected burglary. What on earth would they steal?! Mountain Dew? Pageant costumes? Honey Boo Boo hairs? Lawd only knows.

Apparently June and Alana Thompson returned home from their thrice daily trip to Kuntry Store for Nascar accessories to find the front door ajar. So they called the police.

RadarOnline confirmed with Chief Amerson of the McIntyre Police Department that the call was definitely made but said the police officer’s report was still pending. Luckily it does not appear that any hot rollers were harmed in the potential robbery.

The possible burglary did not deter Honey Boo Boo‘s appearance in this weekend’s Miss Sparkle and Shine pageant where I image she both sparkled and shined!

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