Things begin with yet another fight about Melissa Gorga allegedly cheating on Joe Gorga. I was rolling my eyes and guzzling my wine with my Milania Hair Care Hairmuffs on so I really don't know what that man was yammering on about. I was all prepared to throw my wine glass at the TV in my own Incredible Hulk Man-angsty moment when Bravo flashed us back 12 hours earlier.
And I really wish I had been prepared with my blinders on! We are greeted by Poison grinding his junk in Melissa's face. 'Happy Birthday baby – just call me Justin Timberlake cause I got you some d*ck in a box!' Melissa is like 'Where? I don't see it… Oh. Yeah that little guy. Awwww… thanks… Hi TUHREEEZA!" If I got Poison's junk in my face for a birthday gift I would cancel birthdays for the rest of my life. And Melissa had never been so happy to see her sister-in-law.
NorthJersey.com reports that the charges of assault and terroristic threats have been adjourned and will no longer go before a criminal court judge. Instead the trial will be heard in municipal court on September 26th.
The case against Johnny, filed as a result of charges being pressed by Jacqueline, Chris, and Joe, will also be adjourned and held in municipal court.
Yesterday the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion taped for an EPIC 15 hours! Seriously – is there enough booze in the world for that group to last that long?
We had thought an apocalypse came and claimed Franklin Lakes, NJ since no one was tweeting all day yesterday. Naturally we assumed Jacqueline Laurita had been nabbed by aliens, right? Nope – she was just being quarantined on a sound stage by Bravo. Luckily today she returned, tweeting: "Yesterday was a great day but VERY long!"
Teresa Giudice allegedly brought her attorney to the taping. A girl can never be too prepared! “Teresa wants to clear her name, but she’s extremely limited in what she can talk about,” a source told Wetpaint. “It’s very frustrating to her.”
On her interpretation of Teresa GIudice's 'karma' comment regarding their kids, Jacqueline explains "I was a little sensitive to that "karma" comment, because Teresa had known that someone had said that about my son in a derogatory way in the past and it upset me. My thought process was this: if Teresa believed that if she hurt someone, karma could go back on her kids, then it is logical to think that she also believed that karma could go back on the kids of others who have hurt someone. Teresa had made it known to me that she felt that I had hurt her in some way, so why wouldn't she feel that karma could affect my kids, if it was her belief it could happen to her own? Get it? Autism was one thing that she knew I was struggling with when it came to my child, so that is why it popped into my head. Even though I consider my son a good karma and a definite blessing in my life, I wasn't sure how she perceived it."
Therapy by Bravo continues, y'all! This time involving a poor innocent horse in its nonsense.
Last night the intransigent Real Housewives of New Jersey gang continued their journey to togetherness in Arizona. While some people seemed to really be soaking in all the free psychological healing Bravo was throwing their way, others really dug their heels into the delusion. I'ma lookin' at you Teresa GiudiceandMelissa Gorga!
Things begin with Melissa complaining that there's too much like progress happening. She croaks out that she's much prefer to sit by the pool and hock up phlegm while drinking cocktails and rocking yet another fringe bikini. Instead they'll be heading to a horse barn for a therapeutic exercise about being vulnerable and trusting others. Melissa wonders if she can wear a fringe bikini.
Outside JacquelineLaurita is relaxing with some spiked orange juice and talking to husband Chris about Teresa's "karma" comment. Jacqueline obsesses over whether or not Teresa was making a dig. Chris doesn't seem to think she was but admits that one never knows with that tricky Teresa. And he's known Teresa since the days when Jacqueline was a lowly Vegas stripper so he's kinda like an expert on Tre's crazy, thanks to Dina.
No matter what happens,Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey will always end up smelling as sweet as a product from her Milania hair care line…at least in her own mind! After a very Zen like trip to Arizona, Teresa is still catching heat for her role (she had nothing–NOTHING–to do with it!) in Melissa Gorga stripper-gate, as well as the Karma-will-come-back-your-kids comment she made to Jacqueline Laurita. To be totally honest, I never thought Tre was targeting little Nicolas with that statement…not because she's not that mean, but because she's not that quick on her feet! I kid.
SomeoneTeresa takes to her Bravo blog to set the record straight. She begins, "I was really happy after the Milania Hair Care party, because I felt like Penny had put the rumors about me being involved in any Melissa rumors to rest once and for all. Apparently, though, she didn't. I guess no one could. My brother and Melissa are going to believe whatever they want to believe — even if dead people are telling them!"
So everyone is pretending they like each other to head out to Arizona and celebrate Melissa Gorga's birthday at some spa retreat. Melissa isn't feeling too good – I think what Melissa is coming down with is a bad feeling of impending drama…
Before everyone packs up their sequin-sucking chuckalina bathing suits, Teresa Giudice is doing a cooking demo at the mall for the 85 & Older Club. I mean seriously, yeah spinach will probably save your life but you likely have to start eating it before you're eligible for AARP.
Kathy Wakile shows up to support whatever it is Teresa is doing with olive oil, bread, and loud rambling. I remain focused on her hair. It's literally a hair helmet (hairmet?) at this point, all plasticy and just perched there. I'm perplexed. So is Wallpaper; she's confused about how all of the sudden Teresa is absolved of her sins? Kathy tells her, 'It's not like a sponge, Tre, you can't just wipe it over the mess with some kitchen cleaner and have it be gone. This is like a big mess – like you need a hazmat team, but hey – let's go heal on another Vacations By Bravo. Free shit is free shit, right?!' Cannoli and Wine for the Jersey Woman's Soul by Kathy!