Jacqueline Laurita

 

'Andy! Andy! Andy! Your mom's a liar, your dad's a coward, and I slept with them both – and Juicy, bitch! bleeep, bleeepetey, bleeep, bl-bleeep, bleep, c-word.' Oh was this Jerry Springer we watched last night or Real Housewives of New Jersey? I really couldn't tell because it was so embarrassing, disgusting, and low-brow. 

Whatever happened last night, I am fed up. And I am incredibly horrified by the behavior I witnessed. There was once a time – long before many of you wee youngins were around – when grown women who were also possessors of the title "Housewives" behaved like grown women on TV.

And then this stuff started happening and the bottom dropped out. But to draw it out until people stoop to the lowest and expose their families as truly dysfunctional is not what Housewives was ever about. If I was interested in watching Intervention, I would! I'm not.

Frankly, I am bored with the over-blown drama, the orchestrated plots. The storylines that never reveal the true story but always read between the lines. And the lies. So tired of the lies.

And I'm really saddened this is what it's all become. So sit there, smug and manipulative in your $2000 suit, Andy Cohen, and continue acting like you're none the wiser and it's all a little game. Just keep sitting there like the king of fools. 

So with a heavy-heart I begin this recap. 

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Well we just survived Round One of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion and all we got was this…headache? Massive amounts of confusions? Hangover?

So – who won the first round?

[Photo Credit: NBC Media]

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When I first started watching Real Housewives of New Jersey it was one of my favorites of the franchise. And my favorite lady in the group was hands-down, Jacqueline Laurita

I thought Jacqueline was fun, spunky – a littly kooky and off-kilter – but she seemed to be able to laugh at herself and enjoy life. I remember in season two when everyone was on the on the Italian cruise, Jacqueline and Teresa Giudice (then best friends) were riding the elevator and she playfully rubbed her butt against the door. I thought it was unfiltered, silly and in short real – even though a lot of viewers found her behavior immature. Maybe Jacqueline is immature – maybe she was all along. But still, she had fun. She lived life her life on TV without pretensions. It was refreshing. 

Jersey has been a franchise marred by serious infighting, drama, and negativity since the beginning. Danielle Staub was the original brunt of controversy and hatred. Did she deserve it? In part… Did it make good TV? For the most part. With Danielle leaving, tides have turned – and they've turned like a whirlpool drowning the entire cast in murky water. Jacqueline seems to have descended to the deepest depths. 

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If I had a dollar for every time I wrote the name Teresa Giudice, I could bail her out of bankruptcy debt. Not that I would, but I would think about it because Lord knows her antics are paying my bills so maybe I owe her. Sheesh this stuff happens so fast, we just don't even want to keep up! 

Anyway, days after releasing an interview with In Touch Weekly announcing that she needs help and is taking a break from drama, Teresa has been all over the media defending herself and perpetuating drama. Some of that drama I have seen in person. And of course she is not alone. Helping her every step of the way are Melissa Gorga and Jacqueline Laurita. When desperate famewhores meet, the sane world explodes. 

The Real Housewieves of New Jersey stars who really, really, and I mean REALLY need to step away from the computer, the TV, and the United States are making wild accusations left and right – from lawsuits, to harassing texts, to releasing so-called texts, to blaming each other for the collapse of the economy and last year's Swine Flu outbreak. So let's break this latest shenanigan down. 
 

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After yesterday's tense interview with Teresa Giudice, Anderson Cooper invited the Real Housewives of New Jersey star back today for round #2 on Anderson Live

Teresa agreed to give it another go, but it doesn't appear that today was any "lighter" than yesterday.  We have a peek at the do-over interview below!  Check it out and tell us your thoughts in the comments!

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Hey y'all! It's time for your daily Teresa Giudice round-up! So in today's exhaustive report we'll discuss how Teresa is possibly getting a spinoff, how she never yanked Melissa Gorga's arm at a children's birthday party, and how she had a breakdown following the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion. We've also got some EXCLUSIVES from our source on Teresa's possible spinoff and her brother-in-law, who seems like quite the scandalmonger. 

Oh – and Jacqueline Laurita is all on the tweeter again (I swear she's the internet's number one twit) responding to Teresa's accusations on Anderson Live yesterday. If you recall, Teresa accused Jacqueline of sending her harassing texts and mentioned she wanted to go to the cops because it gave her chills. Well if Teresa can go to the cops, Jacqueline can too! So HA! 

So let's get the daily RHONJ nightmare started. 

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I will never understand how people can not like Real Housewives of New Jersey's Kathy Wakile.  She is just so down-to-earth and (compared to her cast mates) drama free.  I'll be honest, I felt badly for her during the finale.  All she wanted to do was enjoy her salad!

Kathy plays the voice of reason in such a ridiculous situation.  Of course, she seems just as confused and bewildered as most viewers who were watching that debacle go down. 

Luckily, Kathy is trying to make sense of the madness, and she's breaking it down for us…not that she draws any conclusions.  I am still so baffled by all of it, so forgive me if I come across as a befuddled mess–and I've watched the finale three times!

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First of all I have to admit I spend way WAY too much time analyzing the antics of the Housewife. They are an odd specimen, aren't they? And Real Housewives of New Jersey in particular. Although those ladies leave me wanting to turn into Pinot Fabulous Singer and just get sloshied all day, I have to admit they really keep it interesting from the psychological perspective. 

Which leads me to last nights FINAL season finale of RHONJ. And out it all came like projectile vomit. Except I was left with way more questions than I had to begin with. I mean will I ever get the answers I'm looking for or will I die questing to know what exactly happened at the infamous S4 Posche Trashion Show? I guess if I can ever manage to get stranded on a desert island with Teresa Giudice I might learn the truth, but until then all I'm left with is an an aneurysm from wonder and a seriously large bill for TherapyByBravo. You're paying for this right @bravo_andy?

It is not often that a Housewives show rivals that of a Shakespearean drama with so many higher level plot points circulating around. I literally feel dizzy. Bravo has truly outdone themselves, but they've also truly over done themselves and I don't think they can ever come back from the edge with this one. 

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