Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies (and their omnipresent hardworking spouses) proved that when push comes to shove and contracts are on the line, they can get along like really, really well. In fact the only people not pasting on their happy faces were Caroline Manzo and husband Albert – who I was surprised to hear speak last night.
Things begin with a wake-up binge drink-a-thon amongst the men. The gang decides they are going surfing despite the freezing cold water and their inebriated state of mind. Everyone except Caroline and Al. They prefer whine to wine. Jacqueline Laurita is also sitting this one out because she feels too fat to wear a wetsuit. Didn’t she have this problem last vacation?
Never willing to spare anyone’s feelings both Teresa Giudice and separated at birth sister-in-law Melissa Gorga both strap on some of their more bodacious, sparkly, and revealing bathing suits. ‘LOOK! I’m not fat!’ they both practically shout. The guys are wiping out left and right when Teresa and Kathy Wakile decide to try out their surfboard skills. Melissa is staying ashore to “keep it sexy,” which apparently equals bedazzled. Very, very bedazzled. Like blindingly so.
Kim’s book will detail her experiences on RHONJ of course, the implosion of her marriage, why she was so crazy, and her new life as an ex-wife starting over. I don’t think all the words in the world could explain why Kim is so nuts, but ok.
Kim says she was forced to start over once her husband left her and the show ruined her reputation, but it was all a blessing in disguise. “Everybody had the wrong idea about me because of what they saw on ‘reality’ TV,” Kim asserts. Afterwards, “I became very isolated.”
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF KIM G’S STORY!
It’s not shocking to learn that Real Housewives of New Jersey’sJacqueline Laurita and the housewife everyone loves to hate Teresa Giudice are still not on speaking terms after a rocky season. It’s also not shocking to learn that “reality” hangers on are lining up to give their two cents about the former two besties’ current relationship.
To whom am I referring? Kim Granatell…or Kim G. for serious fans. She’s been missing from the season for the most part, so of course she’s going to resurface in tabloid land. Don’t tell me you’re surprised!
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a pleasant reminder of what this show used to be. You know, when people got along, had fun, and didn’t take every side-eye so seriously they were declaring it a nuclear state of emergency. I mean there was a time when the ladies of RHONJ didn’t spend countless episodes dissecting and cataloging every tabloid edition published in the last year to decipher just how much one said RHONJ hates another said RHONJ.
Oh, yes… that show once existed and I think last night proved it could exist again. Here is my two step plan to eradicating the petty, hateful, and mundane drama on this show: 1) take everyone out of Jersey and give them more to worry about than spray tanning and meatballs 2) Pay them only $1 per season until they agree to get along, act civilized, and go hang out at Chateau kvetching about Danielle Staub. See – not so hard, right?
So the whole gang embarked on a cross-country trek to Napa where the Blk.-meisters were to meet with Vivendi winery for a distribution deal. As Hurricane Irene is raging on the horizon, the packing commences. Everyone feigns concern about leaving their small children at home while they cavort around in the great wild west. Except for Caroline Manzo – she’s bringing her small children with her.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey (brought to us by the Bravo Home Shopping Network) the ladies brought home the bacon while the menfolk sat around the kitchen table gossiping and snarking like old biddies. I applaud the progressive feminist nature of these industrious girls. Except for the one whose husband said he owned her. Yeah, that one needs to take a women’s studies class, stat!
So things begin with Teresa Giudice – or is Joodichee? Our favorite Jersian wordsmith has apparently, once again, forgotten how to pronounce her ever-shifting last name. Teresa’s newest venture is branding herself – I think she should start with having a consistent pronunciation of her own name, but that’s just my suggestion. “Branding” means adding Fabellini to her ever-expanding product repertoire. I swear Teresa makes up these words, Fabulicious, Fabellini, etc because she can’t actually pronounce any real words!
Teresa is in the car with Joe Goodouchée and they are headed to a vineyard, she thinks. Despite the fact that she is now in the wine making business, madame Giuhoochie has no idea where wine comes from or where one goes to taste wine.
Last night on the Real Infomercials of New Jersey the Bravo Home Shopping Network was in full-swing. I see everyone can behave when they’ve got stuff to sell! We’re not stupid, Bravo, we know this was a filler episode designed to get some swag promotion before you hit us with the heavy drama next week. Too bad most of us were too bored to pay attention.
Now there were some positives to this episode. The Gorgas and the Giudices got along and Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga, dare I say it, seemed to be enjoying each other’s company and bonding! I like them getting along and I think it makes better TV. It really is time for both parties to let this feud die; it’s boring, redundant, and both sides are equally at fault.
Other positives, both Melissa and Gia had amazing performances at Beatstock. I know Melissa was lip syncing, but isn’t that standard? I mean doesn’t Britney Spears lip sync at a live performance?
Could it be that the illustrious soon-to-be jailbird, Joe Giudice has vacated the marble and gilded encrusted manse the Giudice’s refer to as home? According to Teresa Giudice‘s former best friend Jacqueline Laurita - Joe and Teresa may be living separate lives! Maybe they’re practicing for his trip to the even bigger house?
In a new Bravo video, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star takes the liberty to spill some juicy (see what I did there?) secrets about the not so fabulicious Juicy marriage. Apparently despite Teresa‘s proclamations of true and everlasting love – and a rigorous sex life; things are anything but.
“There has been a lot of rumors out there about Joe and Teresa both leading separate lives,” Jacqueline shared. “In public they pretend like nothing is wrong, but…” Alrighty, so Jacs and Tre are really going for the jugular aren’t they? Can’t they just have a cocktail and hate on Danielle Staub some more?
Everyone get out your violins! Real Housewives of New Jersey’sTeresa Giudice is once again talking about how wronged she’s been…while not directly answering questions and bragging about being famous. Oh, except she’s humble too. Very humble…with white teeth, because, you know, she and Juicy are getting into the teeth whitening business…which is why he isn’t going to court, as he has to attend a seminar on teeth whitening. You know, judges are usually pretty lenient on letting you pick when you do and don’t come to court. My head is spinning already! Read on to see Teresa’s stellar pity party interview with the Daily Beast. She hasn’t done anything wrong, y’all. Nothing!