I'm just gonna say it – I'm over this crap. Yep, I just called Real Housewives of New Jersey "crap" so nana-nana-boo-boo. Look I'm as mature as the castmembers now!
So last night was part one of the so-called "epic" season finale. It was pretty much rehashing of last season's season finale except there will be actual fist fighting. So they took last season and made it more trashy! Lovely, Bravo. Really just lovely.
Before all that, we were rendered temporarily deaf by Melissa Gorga attempting to sing. While I was holding my head and cringing, Bravo threw Penny Karagiorgis, her Wal-mart extensions ripped off from a Barbie Halloween costume, and Teresa Giudice shrieking at each other in my face.
It's a miracle I did not spontaneously combust right here on my non-made-of-marble sofa while drinking my non-fabellini alcoholic beverage. Maybe next week…
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Above: Jenni Pulos shared, "Just died and went to heaven and Hello Kitty is flying me there!"
So last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey the producers teased us with progress, yet again, but then we all ended up right back where we started with some sort of family drama nonsense.
Gaaawd. Gawwwwwd. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd. It's all sooooo boring. We don't care. And you know what, it doesn't even seem believable anymore. Ugh. That's like all I have to muster. Recap over. Bye! Just kidding, but I'm gonna go ahead and say the highlight of last night's show was Penny Drossos-Karagiorgis' 10 foot long ponytail extension from the My Little Pony Weave Collection! Seriously that synthetic tail she was sporting was the color of Kraft Mac & Cheese and looked like straight up plastic Easter grass. As RuPaul would say: 'Grrrrrrrrllllll…'
My other favorite part of the episode: Melissa Gorga's "singing". Her music career is about as believable as Penny's hair. Alright let's dive in!
So Teresa Giudice is pimping out Skinny Italian foods. She's got some sort of "store" where she has all the packages displayed. Is it edible? Apparently she's saving pasta from being boring by dumping a bunch of love in some pre-packaged rigatoni. Whatever. The real point of this meeting is so she can discuss the Melissa drama with her mom and mother-in-law. I'm not gonna snark – the mommies are adorable. They encourage Teresa to invite Joe and Melissa for a family lunch. Alls good now… for less time than it takes to boil a pot of spaghetti!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey star hit up Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week with her daughters Milania and Gia. The Giudice girls were all smiles in the front row for the Just Dance with Boy Meets girl by Stacy Igel fashion show during Style360 Spring 2014 at Metropolitan Pavilion.
All kidding aside, Gia filmed a video message about cyber bullying for the brand. Gia writes, "My #BMGLiveOutLoudMoment was dealing with cyber bullying by social media. Knowing that this is a hard thing to deal with I want to inspire kids to let them know everyone is special in there own way and that they have a voice to stand up to bullies." Her video is below.
A Franklin Lakes man named Mark J. McGuire was arrested last week for fraudulently representing himself as Jacqueline and Chris Laurita's attorney!
The man in question, who was charged with unauthorized practice of law, spent 45 minutes posing as the Laurita's counsel while they were being interviewed by police over their participation in the Posche 2 Salon Brawl. You know the one where wackin' Jacqueline allegedly smacked 'Johnny The Greek' with her stiletto!
Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita, and Marysol Patton turned up last night at the Us magazine "Most Stylish New Yorkers" party. Yes, really. Contain your laughter. Maybe the reality stars and Bravolebrities were just there to support the real guests of honor. You know, the people who actually live in New York and, um, have style.
Also in attendance: Andy Cohen, Kevin Jonas and pregnant wife Danielle, among others. Take a peek at the pictures and let us know who was showing some "style" at the event.
Things begin with yet another fight about Melissa Gorga allegedly cheating on Joe Gorga. I was rolling my eyes and guzzling my wine with my Milania Hair Care Hairmuffs on so I really don't know what that man was yammering on about. I was all prepared to throw my wine glass at the TV in my own Incredible Hulk Man-angsty moment when Bravo flashed us back 12 hours earlier.
And I really wish I had been prepared with my blinders on! We are greeted by Poison grinding his junk in Melissa's face. 'Happy Birthday baby – just call me Justin Timberlake cause I got you some d*ck in a box!' Melissa is like 'Where? I don't see it… Oh. Yeah that little guy. Awwww… thanks… Hi TUHREEEZA!" If I got Poison's junk in my face for a birthday gift I would cancel birthdays for the rest of my life. And Melissa had never been so happy to see her sister-in-law.
NorthJersey.com reports that the charges of assault and terroristic threats have been adjourned and will no longer go before a criminal court judge. Instead the trial will be heard in municipal court on September 26th.
The case against Johnny, filed as a result of charges being pressed by Jacqueline, Chris, and Joe, will also be adjourned and held in municipal court.