So last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey the producers teased us with progress, yet again, but then we all ended up right back where we started with some sort of family drama nonsense.
Gaaawd. Gawwwwwd. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd. It's all sooooo boring. We don't care. And you know what, it doesn't even seem believable anymore. Ugh. That's like all I have to muster. Recap over. Bye! Just kidding, but I'm gonna go ahead and say the highlight of last night's show was Penny Drossos-Karagiorgis' 10 foot long ponytail extension from the My Little Pony Weave Collection! Seriously that synthetic tail she was sporting was the color of Kraft Mac & Cheese and looked like straight up plastic Easter grass. As RuPaul would say: 'Grrrrrrrrllllll…'
My other favorite part of the episode: Melissa Gorga's "singing". Her music career is about as believable as Penny's hair. Alright let's dive in!
So Teresa Giudice is pimping out Skinny Italian foods. She's got some sort of "store" where she has all the packages displayed. Is it edible? Apparently she's saving pasta from being boring by dumping a bunch of love in some pre-packaged rigatoni. Whatever. The real point of this meeting is so she can discuss the Melissa drama with her mom and mother-in-law. I'm not gonna snark – the mommies are adorable. They encourage Teresa to invite Joe and Melissa for a family lunch. Alls good now… for less time than it takes to boil a pot of spaghetti!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey star hit up Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week with her daughters Milania and Gia. The Giudice girls were all smiles in the front row for the Just Dance with Boy Meets girl by Stacy Igel fashion show during Style360 Spring 2014 at Metropolitan Pavilion.
All kidding aside, Gia filmed a video message about cyber bullying for the brand. Gia writes, "My #BMGLiveOutLoudMoment was dealing with cyber bullying by social media. Knowing that this is a hard thing to deal with I want to inspire kids to let them know everyone is special in there own way and that they have a voice to stand up to bullies." Her video is below.
A Franklin Lakes man named Mark J. McGuire was arrested last week for fraudulently representing himself as Jacqueline and Chris Laurita's attorney!
The man in question, who was charged with unauthorized practice of law, spent 45 minutes posing as the Laurita's counsel while they were being interviewed by police over their participation in the Posche 2 Salon Brawl. You know the one where wackin' Jacqueline allegedly smacked 'Johnny The Greek' with her stiletto!
Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita, and Marysol Patton turned up last night at the Us magazine "Most Stylish New Yorkers" party. Yes, really. Contain your laughter. Maybe the reality stars and Bravolebrities were just there to support the real guests of honor. You know, the people who actually live in New York and, um, have style.
Also in attendance: Andy Cohen, Kevin Jonas and pregnant wife Danielle, among others. Take a peek at the pictures and let us know who was showing some "style" at the event.
Things begin with yet another fight about Melissa Gorga allegedly cheating on Joe Gorga. I was rolling my eyes and guzzling my wine with my Milania Hair Care Hairmuffs on so I really don't know what that man was yammering on about. I was all prepared to throw my wine glass at the TV in my own Incredible Hulk Man-angsty moment when Bravo flashed us back 12 hours earlier.
And I really wish I had been prepared with my blinders on! We are greeted by Poison grinding his junk in Melissa's face. 'Happy Birthday baby – just call me Justin Timberlake cause I got you some d*ck in a box!' Melissa is like 'Where? I don't see it… Oh. Yeah that little guy. Awwww… thanks… Hi TUHREEEZA!" If I got Poison's junk in my face for a birthday gift I would cancel birthdays for the rest of my life. And Melissa had never been so happy to see her sister-in-law.
NorthJersey.com reports that the charges of assault and terroristic threats have been adjourned and will no longer go before a criminal court judge. Instead the trial will be heard in municipal court on September 26th.
The case against Johnny, filed as a result of charges being pressed by Jacqueline, Chris, and Joe, will also be adjourned and held in municipal court.
Yesterday the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion taped for an EPIC 15 hours! Seriously – is there enough booze in the world for that group to last that long?
We had thought an apocalypse came and claimed Franklin Lakes, NJ since no one was tweeting all day yesterday. Naturally we assumed Jacqueline Laurita had been nabbed by aliens, right? Nope – she was just being quarantined on a sound stage by Bravo. Luckily today she returned, tweeting: "Yesterday was a great day but VERY long!"
Teresa Giudice allegedly brought her attorney to the taping. A girl can never be too prepared! “Teresa wants to clear her name, but she’s extremely limited in what she can talk about,” a source told Wetpaint. “It’s very frustrating to her.”
On her interpretation of Teresa GIudice's 'karma' comment regarding their kids, Jacqueline explains "I was a little sensitive to that "karma" comment, because Teresa had known that someone had said that about my son in a derogatory way in the past and it upset me. My thought process was this: if Teresa believed that if she hurt someone, karma could go back on her kids, then it is logical to think that she also believed that karma could go back on the kids of others who have hurt someone. Teresa had made it known to me that she felt that I had hurt her in some way, so why wouldn't she feel that karma could affect my kids, if it was her belief it could happen to her own? Get it? Autism was one thing that she knew I was struggling with when it came to my child, so that is why it popped into my head. Even though I consider my son a good karma and a definite blessing in my life, I wasn't sure how she perceived it."