Well that’s it – another season of Vanderpump Rules done and done! But the third part of the reunion ended with quite a bang when Scheana Marie‘s estranged husband Mike Shay appeared to say everything and nothing at all.
Good lord – the girls on this show are ridiculous! Like Katie Maloney, nothing is ever Scheana’s fault as she just demands, cries, and throws tantrums then blames everyone else. Tom 2 – consider Shay your warning; Robert Valleta – consider Tom 2 your warning.
Before we witness Scheana Marie collapse into a cloud of pressed powder, we have much ground to cover. While Andywasted time last week trying to make Stassi Schroeder‘s brother ‘happen,’ the reunion could have focused on all the drama between James Kennedy and Kristen Doute, or that time Tom 2 almost canceled his wedding while pooping in a wedding gown, as Tom 1 was crying in a Sia costume. Aaaaahhh… good times in New Orleans!
On part two of the Vanderpump Rules reunion Lala Kent was asked the hard questions, and Jax Taylor‘s d–k in a pic was put under harsh scrutiny once again. I can’t imagine how he and Brittany Cartwright get it on considering how fuzzy that thing is – I mean… (I’ll be here all week folks!)
One of the major revelations of last night – and I say this with full and utter complete sincerity – is that James Kennedy and Jax realized they are essentially the same person, separated only by a decade, a sexual conquest number, Botox treatments, and a British accent. And nobody pops the lid off a Jax In The Box quite like a James In The Box!
So, after Jax realizing that he’d spent the reunion sitting next to his evil twin, and recognizing that there is power in numbers, Jax gleefully announced that he welcomes a Return Of The James (the Sequel Part 2) to SUR. Then Andy Cohen asked if James would DJ his birthday party. See – everybody loves sober James!
I have been watching Vanderpump Rules since the beginning and I can’t believe that I’m at a point where I am waiting for Kristen Doute to come on screen. She has done some questionable things (I won’t recap, but if you are dedicated, you are in the know), but she has moved past that and owned it all. She is the most fun person in the cast and she is the most honest. Love her or hate her, at least she’s speaking truth instead of trying to control image… like some of the other cast members reaching for a story line.
Unfortunately, Kristen‘s truth includes dating James Kennedy, who may or may not have used her to get a spot on this show. She started out the show dating Tom Sandoval, which seems like a lifetime ago…until Kristen shades him or calls him out for something during that time period. Now Kristen is in a stable relationship with Brian Carter, and it seems like Crazy Kristen is no more.
It’s official – sober James Kennedy is most definitely the world’s greatest DJ/reality TV villain/v-neck shirt wearer/bitchy uptight man child. And on part one of the Vanderpump Rules reunion it was most certainly James who won the night for me. Also Lala Kent came back, and it went well! So far…
First, priorities: we must delve into the wardrobe atrocities that always dominate these things. In this category Brittany Cartwright, bless her heart, was the worst offender. She was wearing what looked like a prom dress turned into stripper stage wear – clearly a Pinterest hack gone wrong. Actually Brittany’s dress kinda looked like one of Katie Maloney‘s bridesmaids dresses.
I know that Kristen Doute has been a pretty polarizing character on Vanderpump Rules, but I have to say that I’m at this point where I think Kristen is the person who always keeps it real. She doesn’t try to look better than she is, she owns up to her mistakes, and she has no issue sharing all of her weirdness- like owning and wearing multiple fake engagement rings in public.
Kristen talked about dating, her relationship with James Kennedy and how it’s weirdly not-at-all weird that her current boyfriend Brian Carter slept with Katie Maloney. Not only that, Carter apparently has other ties to the group.
Everyone who watches Vanderpump Rules cannot help wondering about the identity of Lala Kent’s secret boyfriend. There are so many rumors about her being a sugar baby and dating a married man who might be a movie producer or an NFL player. I just wish she would post one photo on Instagram so we can stop guessing, but I get why she would want some privacy.
Still, I feel like having James Kennedy sign that nondisclosure agreement was a little much. Not only that, but I really can’t see James complying with those guidelines. Lala is adamant about keeping her man’s identity a secret, but she did share some key details recently.
It was a big night of commitment for our Schwartzy, the little commitment-phobe that couldn’t. In front of some of his family, and all of his friends, he said “I Do” to Katie Maloney, thus establishing himself Mr. Three-Headed-She Beast. Stassi Schroeder cried tears of pure vodka-poisoned joy that her two best friends were officially, legally soulmates, and then she made Katie swear on her eyeshadow collection that Stassi would always be a part of them. Like a stye?
It was actually a sweet ceremony. Courtesy of Tom, who drank the tequila-aid and suddenly found himself overjoyed to be standing at an altar next to Katie’s drapes of a wedding gown. Oof – that dress: a pair of nude pantyhose someone bedazzled; full body spanks that got Pinterested and sold on Etsy. It isn’t easy being country-cutsey-woodsy-glammy-chic on a budget!
I thought Lala Kent was done with Vanderpump Rules, but not (it seems like) she is back. Whether she will back next season or not is unclear, but Lala is someone that the whole cast loves to talk about. I never thought I would see any sort of tension with Lala and James Kennedy. I assumed that had to stick together as the two outsiders of the cast, but the two have had some ups and downs.
Are they really friends? Friends of convenience? Are they just reality show costars? Lala clarified their friendship status and even opened up about that one time she hooked up with James.