Today I come to tell a tale about the World’s Greatest DJ, who was persecuted and stalked, mercilessly harassed, and run out of clubs, all because the world wanted to possess his art and his talent. Naturally, I speak of James Kennedy, The White Kanye, and the rapper on the run from his tormentor Jax Taylor. Such are songs of sorrow played out on Vanderpump Rules.
Oh, last night was a doozy, filled with Ariana Madix‘s infamous sulk and the slow emancipation of Scheana Marie as she suddenly blinked into the light as it dawned on her that Stassi Schroeder‘s power and possession was an elaborate ruse. If only Katie Maloney would see such signs, but alas she’s too busy painting squiggly black lines over the sunrise of truth.
James Kennedy made his return to the clubhouse on Watch What Happens Live last night. Andy Cohen hasn’t had him back on the show since he and Vanderpump Rules co-star Lala Kentwere on together, dropping F-Bombs and more in one of the most-bleeped episodes ever. He even opted to not drink at all during the show so that he wouldn’t slip. Andy also had breakaway bottles on hand, telling James that co-guest Bridget Everett will break one over his head every time he swears.
On the altercation with Jax Taylor at the end of last night’s episode, Jax Tweeted to slam James, saying he ran away like a little girl and called him a pussy. James responds, “Honestly what happened was I threw the drink back at him and he came running at me and slipped on the drink before he could get to me. The security guards were holding him down on the floor. I didn’t get kicked out. They were just trying to get me to safety before crazy Jax like killed me or something.”
Now that Lala Kent isn’t around to be the resident target, Kristen Doute takes aim at former boyfriend/door-spitter James Kennedy this week. On tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Kristen rounds up two of James’ rumored flings, Ellie and GG, to crash his big DJ gig and expose him for the cheater she hears he is.
Kristen and the crew sit back and watch the drama unfold as they confront James’ girlfriend, Raquel Leviss, telling her she’s delusional to think he’s loyal. Obviously things do not go well much to Kristen’s glee. Tom Sandoval looks on in horror, knowing what kind of crazy is about to be unleashed.
Aside from being eternally mystified by angel Brittany Cartwright’s ability to put up with Jax Taylor’s antics, another thing that made me question the staying power of their relationship was when Brittany’s mom Sherri Cartwright visited the couple when the Vanderpump Rules cast was roasting Jax for his birthday. Just like her daughter, Mrs. Cartwright let a lot of things slide when it comes to Jax’s behavior, but a lot of fans felt like she had way too strong of a reaction to the male hookup rumors and accused Sherri of being homophobic.
Luckily for Sherri, Brittany’sPump Rules costars stepped in to defend her reaction and her support of the LGBTQ community. Unfortunately for Sherri, it didn’t seem like Sherri’s (possible) future son-in-law did much to have her back.
Really Vanderpump Rules has come down to a Fund-Rager and a contrived roast of Jax Taylor, which coincidentally happened while Brittany Cartwright‘s extra-crispy mama is in town? It’s so contrived. All of it. And it really frosts my lipstick.
But first, it’s Tom 1‘s party and everyone will cry if they want to, cry if they want to – you would cry too if these friends happened to you! The boys really got the birthday shafts, didn’t they – the girls got trips to Montauk and NASCAR, and they get made fun of and forced to do charity work. HA.
Well, Tom turned an indeterminate shade of 30 and celebrated not by raising awareness for himself or his attuned and wrinkle-free skin, but by inviting all of his friends to donate their easily-earned money to charity. Kristen Doute brought her crisp $20, handed it to the collection emcee and announced that now she has full-license to be bad for all eternity in exchange for this one good deed. Jax didn’t have that luck – his card was declined when he tried to give a measly $100. His karma, as always, remains, in despair.
Tonight’s Watch What Happens Live guests are Bravo Superfan Jerry O’Connell and Vanderpump Rules star Jax Taylor. We kick off the night with Jerry breaking his clubhouse chair moments before they hit the air. And it pretty much sets the tone for the laughs and shenanigans that continue on through the show.
Jerry O’Connell is doing press for a new project and during an interview this morning he was asked which Housewife was his favorite – a tricky question for him because he loves them all. He told them Dorinda Medley because she “made it nice!” and then Dorinda popped in during the interview to surprise him.
Does Jax think Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney‘s marriage will last? “I love them too. I want to believe in true love but it’s tough in Hollywood.”
I know a lot of Vanderpump Rules viewers love to hate on Jax Taylor, but I really feel like his antics make the show. He is certainly not a beacon of morality – but who would want to watch a reality TV show about someone who makes the right decisions all the time? I definitely wouldn’t. That’s why I absolutely loved the ridiculous things Jax said in a recent interview about all of the key players and plot points on Vanderpump Rules.
Jax could not be politically correct even if he tried, so I’m happy that he didn’t hold back when he was asked about the girl that he supposedly impregnated from Season 1, why he cheated on Stassi Schroeder, and his relationship with Brittany Cartwright. He even talked about how he would hook up with his boss Lisa Vanderpump. Say what you want about Jax, but the man constantly delivers entertainment. Jax delivered gem after gem after gem. If you are easily offended, do not read past this point.
Ariana Madix must feel like a kindergarten teacher most days – you know, that moment when you look around and notice that you are literally the ONLY adult in the room? Despite this phenomenon, the Vanderpump Rules star says she’s been fairly happy with how this season has gone thus far, and with the fan feedback she’s been getting. But she does warn that things are about to get crazier (than usual?) during the second half of season five – and that she’ll inevitably get caught up in the madness.
Of the mid-season VPR trailer released this week, Ariana says, “It looks really intense. It’s funny, because everything has been pretty good so far, but now I’m getting kind of nervous for the rest of the season. It’s really ramping up.”