Vanderpump Rules season 3 is coming to an end (WAAAAAH! – Don’t leave me!) and we’re counting down the Top 10 most dramatic, most insane, most eye-roll worthy, most delicious moments of the season. And then we’re gonna get the reunion which will surely blow all the other dramatic moments right out of the water!
“It’s my party and I can be immature if I want to, bitch if I want to – you would tell lies and ruin people’s lives too if it happened to you!” So that’s the theme song for Vanderpump Rules and singing it in a beautiful, lyrical duet with perfect harmonization are Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute.
Lisa Vanderpump is ready for the annual SUR Photoshoot. To celebrate the ten-year anniversary she decides on a 50’s greaser theme, shooting at the old-fashioned Pink Motel complete with a drained cement pool, a pink Cadillac, and a whole lotta Aqua Net on display.
I love the theme, and Lisa wearing a white t-shirt, red lips, and killer 50’s cat-eye shades like the Madame of the Pink Ladies was (aka, Rizzo, after she married a rich mobster and starting running Staten Island) was amazing.
Since Super Stylist Stassi was unavailable to style people she doesn’t like, Lisa had to go ahead and hire a real professional, who can like do her job, put personal differences aside, and recognize the importance of client relations.
Just for the record, Kristen seems wasted in the video – you can see for yourself below – and is slurring her words something awful. And despite the fact that she claims to finally be over Tom, her euphoria when discussing the Miami Girl revelation tells otherwise, as does the flashback footage of her grinning when Jax “finally” spoke the truth. Get your pillows ready to hide your eyes – it’s cringe-inducing.
Scheana Marie had an epiphany of the Kristen Doute persuasion – she finally recognized that sometimes you can’t be friends with everybody, especially when some of those everybodys are crazy! After hearing all the details about Miami Girl, Scheana explains why she doesn’t believe Jax Taylor and why she finally had enough of Kristen’s scheming.
Scheana shares, that after hearing all sides of the story about Tom Sandoval allegedly cheating on Ariana Madix, she “absolutely believes Tom,” but what she – or anyone else, particularly Kristen, thinks – is irrelevant if Tom and Ariana are happy in their relationship. Amen Scheana!
“When the information was originally presented to me, I ABSOLUTELY had doubts, but with further review, I absolutely believe Tom, and at the end of the day, I just want my friends to be happy,” the Vanderpump Rules star explains.
Who likes irony?! I do! Kristen Doute has been desperate to get Jax Taylor to “tell the truth” about Tom Sandoval cheating in Miami. Since Jax was in a storytelling mood, he also let it slip that Kristen got in a fight with a stripper – however Kristen insists that Jax is lying about that! But he’s telling the truth about Tom 1? Mmmmkay… The Truth and Jax Taylor go together like logical thinking and Kristen Doute!
Immediately after Jax spilled the story on Vanderpump Rules, Kristen and her sole-surviving friend Rachael denounced Jax as a liar on twitter. We all know Jax makes things up – except when Kristen wants them to be true, like when Jax is suddenly going to get truthy about Tom and Miami Girl. Oh Kristen, you amuse me to no end. Jax, of course, insists his account of Kristen and the stripper is true.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules lies flowed as precipitously as questions of truth and all converged together at the mouth of a river named Jax Taylor. Or something like that…
While Scheana Marie is on a blissful honeymoon in Hawaii, back home at SUR (SUR is a city now) things are erupting into a civil war – a civil war that is the opposite of civil, of course.
Kristen Doute has been “blowing up” Jax’s phone with texts and phone calls insisting he tell “the truth” about Tom Sandoval and “Miami Girl.” Once, a very long time ago, when Jax was trying to look like boyfriend of the year to future pizza parlor dumpee Carmen Dickman, he disclosed to Kristen and Carmen that the tabloid stories were true: Tom 1 did play three minutes in heaven? hell? with Miami Girl. Jax has been trying to retract it ever since; putting Kristen off, telling her to leave him out of it and deal with it on her own.
But Kristen has been using this statement to zealously fuel her fervor. It has stoked her loins with future retribution, the little talisman she has carried deep in her heart, that there is a way to weasel in between the home wrecking hussy Ariana Madix and Tom’s future and re-seize him for her demented little self. You think I am exaggerating, but Kristen is like Golum with the ring in Lord Of The Rings.
Kristen teams up with Stassi Schroeder and resorts to using Jax Taylor as a source of the “truth” regarding what happened in Miami – Jax has changed his story several times. As a result Kristen ends up on the outs with all of her friends from SUR!
In anticipation for the onslaught of negativity she is surely to receive, Kristen announced she’s taking a wee break from twitter to focus on her healthy relationship with James Kennedy, her friends, and bowling. She also celebrated her birthday!
With no new Real Housewives of Atlanta episode to snark tonight, we’ll have to snark on the next best thing: reality star fashion! The reality stars stepped out this week for RuPaul’s Drag Race season premiere, to host events, and get their self-promotion on in other ways.