Jax Taylor

VANDERPUMP RULES --

Although I ended up crying for most of the Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney wedding episode of Vanderpump Rules, I never expected to feel that way. This season was full of drunken fighting and it was hard for me (and a lot of the other viewers) to get on board and feel invested in this couple.

A LOT of people hated on Katie throughout the season – she even had her Twitter account on private for a while – but after that finale, a lot more people from the fandom were down with the Schwartz marriage. Unfortunately for them, the reunion was taped way before that finale aired, so I bet that they had a ton of tough questions to answer from the viewers.

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Jax Taylor

I have to keep it real with you, I shed some unexpected tears during the Vanderpump Rules season finale. This whole season, it was difficult to get on board with Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz’s relationship, but they totally drew me in during the wedding episodes. Even Jax Taylor – who had little to no faith in the marriage – cried during the ceremony.

Even though Jax was questioning Tom and Katie’s relationship until they tied the knot, he was actually on deck to officiate the wedding after Lisa Vanderpump initially said no when the couple asked her. Don’t get me wrong, Lisa did a beautiful job, but it would have been entertaining to have Jax – of all people – marrying Tom and Katie. I mean, he had sex with half the bridal party. It would have been hilarious.

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Tom and Katie wedding

Last night on the season finale of Vanderpuimp Rules two people were joined in partnership for an LA eternity. Tom 1 and Tom 2, you have now become: TOM-TOM. Long live our officiant Lisa Vanderpump!

It was a big night of commitment for our Schwartzy, the little commitment-phobe that couldn’t. In front of some of his family, and all of his friends, he said “I Do” to Katie Maloney, thus establishing himself Mr. Three-Headed-She Beast. Stassi Schroeder cried tears of pure vodka-poisoned joy that her two best friends were officially, legally soulmates, and then she made Katie swear on her eyeshadow collection that Stassi would always be a part of them. Like a stye?

It was actually a sweet ceremony. Courtesy of Tom, who drank the tequila-aid and suddenly found himself overjoyed to be standing at an altar next to Katie’s drapes of a wedding gown. Oof – that dress: a pair of nude pantyhose someone bedazzled; full body spanks that got Pinterested and sold on Etsy. It isn’t easy being country-cutsey-woodsy-glammy-chic on a budget!

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Vanderpump Rules reunion

Our first look at the Vanderpump Rules reunion is here. Bravo promises that everything from “scandalous hookups” and “cheating accusations” to “wild wedding festivities” will be argued about ad nauseam covered at the Season 5 reunion, which Andy Cohen said was “intense.”

Look below for pictures and a breakdown of the three-part reunion. Yes, three parts, because apparently season five was a hit with viewers. <blank stare> I personally thought that this was the worst season yet, but Bravo claims that this season of Vanderpump Rules is “on track to deliver its highest rated season ever” with a reported average of 2.4 million viewers.

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Tom Schwartz wedding

The best part of Vanderpump Rules this week was when Tom Schwartz cried tears of joy after his triplet brothers arrived for his wedding. The moment would not have been possible if it was not for Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval paying and coordinating the whole surprise.

I still don’t get why the budget allowed for towel invitations but not plane tickets for the siblings, but it all worked out in the end. Everyone was happy and that’s all that matters.

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Katie wedding gown
The countdown is finally over! We Vanderpump Rules watchers have finally arrived at the inevitable nuptials of two people so solely unhappy together it’s almost not funny. So, yes, last night was the debut of Katie Maloney‘s wedding gown and it was even worse than Scheana Marie‘s. But the biggest shock was that Tom 2 actually seemed happy to be getting married. That’s a change!

Tom and Katie spent $51,000 on a wedding in someone’s backyard next to the train tracks, yet Tom couldn’t afford to fly his family out to attend. Only his mom, Kim, the object of Jax Taylor‘s wanton obsession, has made it. Thus far anyway. I guess Jax imagines that Kim is a woman who knows how to make a turkey sandwich?

Anyway, call me confused but wouldn’t you factor ‘flying family to wedding’ into your budget above $10,000 worth of flowers, or a $4,000 Tacky Tuesday rehearsal dinner? Was Tom 2 too afraid of Katie’s wrath or something… Likely he actually fears Katie’s combined forces with Stassi Schroeder, the official plus one of his wedding and entire life. Yes, after all her maneuvering Stassi has finally secured the spot of Maid Of Honor. Unofficially so as not to hurt Kristen Doute‘s feelings, but honestly where else would one place their Celestial Wife in the order of things?

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Lisa Rinna

In this week’s roundup of social media snapshots, we have the reality TV stars enjoying the sun and the snow. As well as Vicki Gunvalson at the City of Hope Gala. Because, No. Self. Awareness. Ever.

Above: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Rinna shows off her bikini body. “Oh Hi. Going from this to the NYC blizzard tomorrow. #ILOVELA”

Look below for snapshots from Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice, Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Marie, Real Housewives of Orange County star Tamra Judge, The Bachelor‘s newest couple Nick Viall and Vanessa Grimaldi, and more.

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Tom and Katie - final days

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules traveled through the few remaining days before Tom Schwartz legally yoked himself to Tequila Katie. Actually, Tom has optimistically decided to eulogize Tequila Katie – maybe that explains why they spent $10,000 on flowers! Double-duty for a funeral?

Before everyone converges in the middle of nowhere “where no one can hear you squeal, boy,” (name that movie!) Tom 1 and Jax Taylor must take care of some risky business in the big city. They must summon their courage with a tiny trumpet and drink raw eggs for manliness. They’re doing this for Tom 2. As he relinquishes his bank account, his soul, and what’s left of the d–k he can only partially find, that only partially works, Tom 1 and Jax will be his everlasting strength.

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