This season of the Real Housewives of DC has had a theme, which is the phoniness of the gruesome twosome aka the Salahis. Whether it be the couple’s phony grapes, phony party invites, phony house hunting, and now phony cheerleading. If there’s one thing we have all come to know and “love” about the Salahis, it is that their phoniness knows no bounds.
This episode of the DC Housewives begins with the now separated Ommanneys browsing through photos for Cat’s book cover. The scene starts out as a cute scene between the couple, until Cat decides to ask Charles about his upcoming schedule, which gave us a glimpse into the couple’s marriage. Based on Charles’ schedule, it’s all but obvious these two are lucky to even spend a day a week together. Cat’s definitely not exaggerating when she states she sometimes feels like a single mom.
The hilarity begins in the next scene with the Salahis. We see Michaele shaking her phony pom poms in preparation for the Washington Redskins cheerleading alumni dance routine. Michaele arrives at the practice in a white SUV, and not the awful 80s white stretch limo, thank goodness. Immediately, we see Michaele looking rather lost and completely offbeat while attempting to do the routines. Judging by Michaele’s lack of rhythm, and her overly eager attitude, it’s all but obvious we’re watching a 44-year-old con artist live out her fantasy of being a professional cheerleader.
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We are now onto the 12th episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, and while it wasn’t as good as next week’s episode will be, it was still very interesting to say the least.
There are two angles one can go with in doing this recap. One is we finally get to meet Tom Staub, the man behind the legend, you know the man who decided Danielle Staub was fit to be his wife and the mother of his children. The other angle is Teresa Giudice of course, who was one of the most searched people on the internet yesterday thanks to the news of the impending public auction of her home items, and her thirst for diamonds, you know considering this episode was taped just a few weeks after she signed off on the bankruptcy documents. Oh what the hey, I say let’s go with both angles!
The episode starts off with some precious family time with the Giudices as they do monopoly night. When Joe wasn’t busy threatening to kick one of his daughters, Teresa decides to bring up their upcoming 10th anniversary. Teresa can’t believe she and Joe have been married for 10 years because “it feels like 5.” Teresa asks the kids for anniversary gift ideas and one of their daughters suggests chocolate and flowers, but bankrupt Teresa makes it clear that’s not good enough. Joe has an even better suggestion, when he jokingly suggests the $100 luxury tax ring, before retracting it, joking saying that he couldn’t even afford that. Must say the financial jokes by Joe are very telling. Notice how they seemed to start just a few episodes ago? Teresa however makes it clear there will be no hanky panky for one month if Joe doesn’t come through, and I can’t help but wonder if Teresa can even go a week with no hanky panky from Jiucy Joe.
Danielle decides to meet up with her friend/party planner to plan a party for herself her daughter Christine‘s sweet 16. Danielle then lets us know she plans to make this a memorable party for herself Christine because she never had a birthday party “thrown to” her until she was 47-years-old. Really Danielle? Not even a party at 1? 10? 16? 18? 21? 30? 40? 45? Well since Danielle is not known to ever lie or exaggerate, I will go ahead and take her word for this.
Christinereveals her idea to donate all proceeds from her party to a charity and Dirty D decides this is a perfect moment to take credit for Christine’s idea because that’s her daughter and she gave birth to her. And I take a moment to ponder how Danielle’s daughters seem to have turned out amazing and well grounded in spite of their mother. Danielle asks Christine if she wants to invite her father and Christine answers yes. Danielle then lets us know that Tom hasn’t been the best father in the world to his daughters, and I can’t help but wonder if Danielle is being truthful about this, or just trying to paint her ex in a bad light out of vengeance, not that this is Danielle’s MO or anything.
Jacqueline and Caroline meet up and yet again Caroline is making perfect sense when she advises Jacqueline to distance herself from the three-faced Kim G. and focus on her daughter.
The Giudices and the Lauritas have a get together during which Joe, who looks rather stressed, ponders what to get his wife for their upcoming 10th anniversary. Joe mentions the 10-year gift has to be a “big one,” bankruptcy be damned. Teresa, who just signed off on bankruptcy papers to the debt of $11 mil a few weeks earlier, is then shown having a conversation with Jacqueline. “I love diamonds, diamonds and diamonds and diamonds,” says the bankrupt Teresa when asked what she wants for her anniversary by Jacqueline. And how genius are the show’s editors for choosing the oh so perfect background music for this ridiculous scene.
And it’s now that time of the show, when we get to see the hotness known as Albie Manzo. This time around, Albie is sporting a buzz cut, which might or might not be slightly taking away from his hotness, and we find out Albie has joined the police academy while waiting to get into a new law school. Must say it’s nice to see a Manzo with ambitions that go beyond the Brownstone.
Apologies in advance for the poor embarrassingtragic photoshopping skills. With that being said, let’s get right to the recap of episode 11 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, brilliantly titled – Staub Wounds.
The episode starts out with a scene of Teresa and hubby Juicy Joe, as they get the girls ready so Joe can take them out. For a minute there, I was touched at the thought of Joe being a good father to his little girls, well that is, until Teresa casually mentions that Joe threats their daughters like boys, you know because he hasn’t been able to get the son(s) he wants after 4 tries…
Things then take a disturbing turn when Joe makes his very young daugthers fight each other after their karate lesson. I just found this scene to be all kinds of wrong and disturbing. Nothing wrong with putting his daugthers in karate/taekwondo, but the making them fight each other was just wrong and icky to watch.
We move on to victim Danielle, who has decided the best way to protect her weave self is to take self defense classes, at the suggestion of her ex-con rumored bed buddy Danny, who spends the entire time standing back in ring glaring at Dirty D. Danielle of course is involving her two daugthers in her quest to be the ultimate fighter. Danny suggests Danielle picture Teresa and Jacqueline in front of her as a means to add more fuel to her fighting fire. The Bravo cameras then pan to Danielle’s daugther Christine, who looks pretty embarrassed and would probably rather be back home doing homework at this moment.
Danielle gives us her best dose of crazy during her 1 on 1 interview when she declares, “Walking away is not good enough for them. They want to make you feel like the prey. And then they sit there and they go, I don’t know why you keep you saying you’re the victim. Well Bitch cause I am. Stop effing chasing me!”
The former prostitution coke whore then declares, “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again.”
We see Jacqueline at home, and Kim Granatell, who is arguably the most two faced person in the universe, decides to pay a visit. I’m just going to refer to Kim G. as the newest housewife from here on out. I don’t even think she’s auditioning anymore for a slot on the show, she has obviously replaced Dina. No need to wait for a press release from Bravo. So why exactly did Kim G. show up to Jacque’s? Well to stir up the drama pot of course! The two rehash the country club drama and Kim G. informs us clumps did indeed come out of Danielle’s head.
Next up, we see Mama Bear Caroline making individualized eggs for all three of her very adult children. Two of the kids leave to go to work and Caroline and Albie McHottie Manzo discuss his future. Albie informs his mom that he needs to get a recommendation letter from his old law school before he can get into a new school.
Teresa, who filed bankruptcy just a few weeks before this episode was filmed, is shown going into Kim DePaola’s boutique Posche to do some shopping, but then again Teresa is never really shown shopping, but rather talking during her time there. Teresa once again assures the world her house is absolutely not in foreclosure. Stalker Wannabe new housewife Kim G. then randomly shows up, wearing a very age inappropriate sleeveless fur attire. Teresa once again states that she meant well in trying to strike up a conversation with Danielle, despite admitting on last week’s episode of Watch What Happens that her intention was to confront Danielle on some of the rumors she was spreading about her.
Teresa then makes a funny, the funniest quote of the night actually, when she states, “The only thing I regret about that night was pushing Kim G. because she is an older woman and I do respect the elderly.” Hilarious, especially considering that it came from the very unintelligent Teresa. And how old is Kim G. by the way? She can’t be a day younger than 70 60, no?
Bravo held their 2010 Upfront Party at theSkylight Studio this week in NYC, and all of our favorite Housewives as well as other Bravolebrities were sure to be in attendance.
The upfront party is when Bravo announces what is to come during their next season of television.
OK magazine was there and was able to report some behind the scenes moments. Representing the Real Housewives of Orange County were Alexis Bellino, Lynne Curtin and Gretchen Rossi, who did not seem phased by their new competition – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The OC ladies joked that they did hear the Beverly Hills Housewives all have their own private jets.
The Real Housewives of NYC’s Jill Zarin, Ramona Singer and Alex McCord hit the red carpet together during which Jill would not reveal whether or not she and Bethenny will reconcile, simply saying “watch the show.”
Kelly Bensimon also hit the red carpet with LuAnn De Lesseps, and when asked how she thinks Bethenny will be as a mom, she replied, “I can’t really speak to that. I’m sorry.”
The Real Housewives of Atlanta were the only housewives franchise to all walk the red carpet together. The Atlanta ladies are reportedly getting along better these days.
With the huge success of their Housewives‘ franchises, Bravo has decided to increase their reality programming by 20% in 2010. They announced their latest upcoming shows in a recent press release.
Coming this year is Bethenny Frankel’s new show titled Bethenny’s Getting Married? Interesting title to say the least. Also returning is Patti Stanger’s Millionaire Matchmakerand Rachel Zoe’s The Rachel Zoe Project.
More information on the shows and their premier dates below -
Bethenny’s Getting Married? – As one of the breakout characters of “The Real Housewives of New York City,” Bethenny Frankel has shared her social life with millions, and in her new docu-series fans will get an up close and personal look at her career. Viewers will follow the outspoken New York City socialite as she juggles her happy love life, plans a wedding and prepares for baby while managing her insanely busy schedule and career as a natural foods chef.
The Millionaire Matchmaker – Premieres Tuesday, January 19 at 10 p.m. ET/PT “The Millionaire Matchmaker” follows Patti Stanger and her dogged staff as they give their big-bucks clients complete transformations with the help of personal shoppers, date coaches and therapists. In each episode, two wealthy clients are set up on dates hand-picked by Stanger based upon their beauty and intelligence. In the series’ third season, Stanger will stop at nothing to build her matchmaking empire – her business is flourishing, she has a successful book under her belt and is now hosting her own radio advice show.
The Rachel Zoe Project - The hottest stylist in Hollywood is back and offers an all access pass to fabulous fashion as “The Rachel Zoe Project” returns for a third season. The fashion-forward docu-drama delves further into the inner workings of Team Zoe as they jet from coast to coast attending store openings, fashion weeks around the world, and laboring to find the perfect gowns to adorn the red carpet during award season. This season Rachel parts ways with longtime employee and friend Taylor and Rachel and Brad welcome a new member to Team Zoe..
Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List - Returning for a sixth season of unpredictable hilarity is the two-time Emmy award-winning. Griffin has also signed on for two new stand-up comedy specials in 2010 with the network.
Flipping Out – The fourth season of Bravo’s popular docu-series “Flipping Out” returns with everyone’s favorite obsessive-compulsive house-flipper, Jeff Lewis. Lewis makes his living with the help of a group of diverse and often disgruntled employees he counts as friends. These include his incredibly patient assistant Jenni Pulos, who still dreams of making it as an actress, despite seven years at Jeff’s side, and his beloved housekeeper Zoila.
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Top Chef judge Gail Simmons will serve as host of the network’s newest culinary competition series “Top Chef: Just Desserts,” a spin-off of the popular Emmy-nominated and James Beard Award-winning franchise “Top Chef.” The series, produced by the Magical Elves, will consist of pastry chefs competing against one another in a series of challenges.
The Real Housewives of New York City – The anticipated third season premieres Thursday, March 4 at 10 p.m. ET/PT.
Top Chef Masters - The second season of Bravo’s successful culinary spin-off premieres Wednesday, April 7 at 11 p.m. ET/PT and moves to its regular 10 p.m. time period on April 14.
Thintervention with Jackie Warner – An emotional new docu-series inspired by renowned fitness expert Jackie Warner’s life mission to change lives through healthy habits, “Thintervention” will give viewers an even closer look at what Warner does best – kick butt and inspire drastic lifestyle changes for her overweight clients who are struggling to lose weight and get healthy for good.
Shear Genius – Premieres Wednesday, February 3 at 11 p.m. ET/PT. Bravo’s creative hair-styling competition series “Shear Genius” is back for its third season with a whole new look. International model and handbag designer Camila Alves makes her hosting debut alongside new series judge Jonathan Antin, celebrity stylist and former star of Bravo’s hit series “Blow Out.” Famed stylist Kim Vo returns as a judge for his second season, and new to the series, accomplished stylist Orlando Pita adds his voice of expertise as mentor to the contestants.