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Jersey Shore Recap

Could it be? Has it been an entire season of Jersey Shore? Are we really saying arrivederci to Florence with our favorite gorilla juiceheads and guidettes? It seems like only yesterday the meatballs were hooking up with one another and Mike was bashing his head into a wall. Ahh, memories. I mean, this was the season that had a bearable, dare I say likeable, Rawn and Sam! That, in itself, is mind boggling.

We rejoin the group at the tail end of their clubbing. At home, Mike continues to talk to himself and practice karate on the walls. Snooki wakes up and proceeds to ignore Mike as he wanders aimlessly around the house having a solo conversation. The rest of the roommates return home from the clerb, with Sam begging Rawn to talk some sense into Mike after his antics earlier in the evening.

The Situation confides in Ronnie that he feels like the villain. Ronnie knows that Mike has been depressed and he wants him to try to mend fences with the housemates. A slightly defensive Mike says he doesn’t care if his roommates don’t like him. He has gotten used to be alone. Sammi commends Rawn for at least trying to talk to Mike.

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Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore was a hot mess of Mike hate and meatball madness. Pauly D manages to avoid Deena’s advances for “the sex,” while JWoww and Sam relish in their new found (and slightly surprising, given past seasons) friendship.

We rejoin the group with Snooki on the phone with Jionni discussing her smush session with Vinny. Jionni is pissed and Snooki is fanning her face to dry up her tears and while cocking her pink sequined ball cap to the side like a rapper. Jionni can’t handle her news, but he’s willing to continue talking to her. After they hang up, Vinny asks if Snooks wants to cuddle with him to make her feel better. He’s too funny.

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On last night’s episode of Jersey Shore, the girls and guys take separate mini-vacays. Things are off-again-on-again for Snooki with both her boyfriend Jionni and her biffle JWoww. The Situation stirs the pot, and Pauly D sits back and watches it all like he’s on my couch watching with me. I actually think that would be a blast!

Snooki wakes up discombobulated in Vinny’s bed, and she goes to wake up JWoww at the chipper hour of 7am. Jenni doesn’t know where Snooks slept, but Snooki reveals in her confessional that she would never cheat on Jionni. In fact, she specifically remembers telling him “we’re done” before hopping into Vin’s bed. JWoww reluctantly gets up and fills Nicole in on how she defended her to Mike the previous night.

Mike wanders into the ladies’ room after hearing a lot of yelling. Snooki starts screaming at him. Perhaps the lady protests too much. Snooki and JWoww head out for a breakfast of mimosas, and Mike calls his friend Unit (seriously?) who was diddling Ryder on the night in question. The Situation wants to make sure he didn’t make up the sexcapades in his head. Unit confirms Mike’s version of the story. Over their champagne brunch, Snooki admits to JWoww that she hooked up with Vinny but that they didn’t smush….that she remembers.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore was one hot mess of tears, douchiness, sex, and some absolutely horrible boots. The whole thing was just A. LOT.

Snooki wakes up the next day after Jionni leaves feeling awful, and still sporting her hot pink leopard swimsuit. Pauly D, along with Rawn and Deena, head to work, and Pauly is trying to be as loud and annoying as possible to exasperate his roommates’ hangovers.

Back at the villa, Snooki can’t get in touch with Jionni so she seeks the advice of her BFF JWoww. Unfortunately for Snooki, Jenni wasn’t blackout wasted the night before and she remembers all the kind and loving things her friend screamed at her in the streets. She decides to sleep in and ignore Snooki’s whining. Undeterred, Snooki puts on a hoodie (or is that a dress?) and her Ewok boots to go out day drinking alone. That is always a great idea!

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On last night’s Jersey Shore, there was a guido/gorilla break up of juicehead proportions. Kuckas were flashed, tears were shed, screams were heard ’round Italia. It was pretty epic.

We rejoin the meatballs post-wreck. If Snooki thinks that this is the worst thing to happen to her while she’s in Italy, she needs only to wait a few days! Snooki gets a breathalyzer, and because she doesn’t have her license, she and Deena are being carted off by the Italian police. The guys arrive with her license just in time to see the house car being towed. The boys spend two hours in the waiting room at the station before they are able to free the meatballs.

Once home, Snooki calls Jionni to tell him of her recent escapades. Jionni tells her that Roger can’t come any more because he has to work. Snooki relays the news to JWoww, and she calls Roger very upset. It seems Roger’s leave from work has been denied. I think there has to be more to it, but I want to like the Roger I met at the shore.

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You can thank MTV for that lovely and not at all offense reference to Italian food and lesbians. Always keeping it classy, the gang on last night’s Jersey Shore takes a road trip to the Italian shore. Basically the entire cast plays supporting characters, while the stars of the porn episode are everyone’s favorite drunken meatballs, Snooki and Deena.

Ronnie, Snooki and Jenni head to work at the pizza parlor. JWoww and Rawn try to apologize for the previous night’s intervention while still insisting that Snooki deserves to enjoy her time in Italy. Ronnie’s job is yelling at potential patrons from the sidewalk with a megaphone. Their boss gives them a break to go shopping for their beach trip to Vertronni. Seriously, where? I can’t understand what they are saying.

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Last night was Jersday for all you Jersey Shore fanatics (no shame in that game!). Mike is slightly immobile, Rawn and Sam get back together (no I’m not re-recapping last week), Pauly and Vin make fun of juiceheads who are juicier than themselves, and Snooki’s relationship with Jionni leaves the house up at arms.

So Mike will be sporting the neck brace for ten days, and it’s quite a situation as it’s rendered him unable to GTL. The horror! After Ronnie tore the house apart and shattered what (if any) was left of Sammi’s self-esteem and dignity the night before, he goes to her in the morning to profess his love. He hopes she’ll let him talk to her later. I am overwhelmed at his maturity…this relationship just may make it after all. They are so cute together and when it’s good, it’s great! In other news, I wish there was a sarcasm font.

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It’s like Christmas, Jersey Shore style with two new episodes airing within 72 hours of one another. And of course, MTV needs to capitalize on the VMAs by finishing the Rawn/Mike smackdown right before the awards show airs. Brilliant.

The show begins with Sammi stupidly placing herself between a roided Rawn and a flipping out crazy insane Situation. Mike loses it and slams his head into the concrete wall before crumbling to the ground. Intelligence just abounds on this show. JWoww attempts to get some sort of reaction from a dazed and confused Mike, while the ever gentlemanly Rawn mocks Sammi’s tears and blames her for not telling him about Mike’s gossip sooner. “Stawp Rawn!” Poor Sammi is able to get out the way before being manhandled by her sensitive (ex) boyfriend.

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