I'll admit, my fist pumping has turned into more of a fist wrist flick. Not only did the Jersey Shore end, it ended with a fizzle, not a grenade. It was time, and although I love my gross, orange, drunk, poorly dressed friends, that finale was just too tame. Don't get me wrong…I wasn't looking for alcohol infused antics, but these roommates have shown us time and again that they can entertain without being totally wasted. The pranks, rascal races, family dinners, and meatball auditions were hilarious. The series finale was not.
So, earlier last night we watched the end of an overly tanned, liquor-infused, fist-pumping era. I'll admit, while Paula's cake to Mike was ridiculously disgusting and disturbing, I giggled a bit…and for that, I'm ashamed. Even if the house thought it was funny, it wasn't okay. At all. Now, it's time for the Jersey Shore reunion.
We revisit seasons past: t-shirt time, Snooki's initial entrance into the house, and Vinny's faux hawk. The gang jokes about how their random sayings work their way into the conversations of us regular folks before showing a highlight reel of many roommate fights. While they are all about throwing punches and pulling hair, they can laugh it off knowing they were quick to forgive once everyone got sober. For once, Snooki's hair is more orange than her skin. Cue a duck phone montage. Everyone jokes about Mike's final beat down of the poor mallard.
I'm not going to lie, but I've got some tissue on hand for the series finale of Jersey Shore. I always get super teary when shows end…Zack and Kelly's wedding, the final Family Ties, Who's the Boss, and don't even get me started on Friends! However, I can honestly say I've never gotten sad about the end of a reality show. Hopefully, that's the norm. I don't remember getting upset saying good-bye to any of the Real World casts (more like good riddance!), and I barely noticed when my fave Rosie Pope didn't get renewed. However, for some odd and unknown reason, these orange meatballs and gorilla juiceheads are different.
After being accosted by a friend to give the show a chance, I was appalled. Who wears slippers out in public and thinks it's funny to show their Britneys while on the dance floor? What idiots tan every day and use enough hairspray that we may have cause to sue them for global warming? Sadly, I was quickly won over by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Deena Cortese, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. Yes, their antics showed no inkling of decorum or maturity, and yes, I was (and still am) grossed out by many of their actions, but in a world of reality television show where cast mates hate one another, it was beyond refreshing to see this group grow into a legitimate family. I have no doubt that the majority of them will still be pranking each other in the assisted living facility. Hanging out for a day with Vinny and Pauly is on my bucket list. Instead of VPL being code for visible panty line, it would be Vinny/Pauly/Lauren. I digress (what else is new?). On to the recap…I'm wearing my favorite airbrushed tank top, my whitest pair of sneakers, and leopard print track pants. My hand is wrapped around some Ron-Ron juice (kidding, I don't want to die!), and I'm ready to wish these imbeciles well. Do you think it's a coincidence that their show ends the night before many doomsdayers think we're all goners?
The roommates have decided to throw a giant bonfire party on the beach. They plan to invite all of their family and friends to commemorate their final MTV summer together. Pauly and Vinny are in charge of getting wood. Erection jokes ensue. The wood won't fit in their vehicle, so Vinny is forced to wheel it home on the handcart while Pauly follows behind him in the SUV. Classic VP. A party rental place is delivering tables, chairs, and the like. I guess these people can finally afford a legitimate party. They even bring the grill to the beach. Pauly lights the bonfire. Oh yeah, fi-arh, yeah!
Also in attendance last night was LeAnn Rimes. She took some time off from singing about lusting after another woman's husband long enough to ruin what would've been a perfect performance by Carly RoseSoneclar. LeAnn used to have an amazing voice, but this was a trainwreck!
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Oh, Pauly "DJ Pauly D" Delvecchio…have you been cheating on me? No? Well, you've been cheating on MTV, although I can't say I blame you. You were enticed by the dimples and flashy Kardashian representation that Ryan Seacrest provides. I don't think anyone will judge you.
The acronym creating, high hair wearing, "cabs are heeya" screaming star of Jersey Shore is getting a new show…and it's not on the network that made him an international reality star and a household name. That's right. He's potentially moving on to E! What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to hop to another channel for more money. I'm not hating, Pauly…I want you in my TV line-up regardless.
I realize they are probably too old to be the party animals they are at this age (although that throws a wrench in my social plans), but they are still human, vulnerable, and fun-loving. You can't help but relate to that…or maybe you can't, but I can.
On last night's episode, the boys have recently made peace with Jionni. Jenni calls Roger who reveals that Jenni has been pot stirring about Jionni's mismatched relationships with the guy roommates. Jenni isn't happy that Jionni says she's been talking crap about her. Rawn is quick to defend Jenni although he knows what was said at the guys' night out. Jenni decides to go straight to the source and calls Jionni. She questions why Jionni thinks that she's been talking smack. As far as Jenni is concerned, Jionni wasn't present for the first half of the summer. He bends, she forgives, and the pair loves each other for the sake of Snooki.
I know I've said it before, but I love, love, LOVE the Robertson family. If I didn't think Jase and his wifey were so adorbs, he would totally be my dream guy. Yes, I'm talking about that little gem on A&E known as Duck Dynasty. Sure, the situations they get into are definitely scripted, but the love and hilarity is so real. Duck Dynasty is what reality programming should always be like…it's the same reason I watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore. They all truly care for one another.
Yes, they're hairy and silly and don't shower that often, but they are all very intelligent and kind. Did you know that Phil is a former school teacher who declined the NFL draft while playing first-string quarterback at Louisiana Tech? The second-string quarterback when Phil played was NFL Hall-of-Famer Terry Bradshaw. All of his boys went to college, and they all became Duck Masters except for Al who used to be a minister…he's also the only one sans beard. Okay, okay, I'll stop with the ridiculous Robertson trivia. I just love them…and now they've given me yet another reason.
The Robertsons typically live under the radar (minus the whole reality show thing), but now they are using their popularity for the greater good. I am not at all surprised. These are good people, y'all, and if you've never watched, I highly encourage you to do so. It's drama-free fun…and cute burly men!