GTL? More like GTLol! Life may not be fair, but Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s skin is likely to be very fair given that fact he no longer has unlimited access to tanning beds! It’s a sad day for the former Jersey Shore star indeed.
In September of last year, Mike and his brother Marc were charged with tax fraud. Specifically, the troubled reality star was accused not only of failing to pay the state of New Jersey the full tax amount on $8.9 million in earnings, but also of filing fraudulent returns to make it look as if he had. In case you forgot (or totally missed it the first go-round…who could blame you?), Mike blamed his brother who he claimed managed his money and kept him in the dark about such matters.
It’s very rare that I think a reality star makes a decision that’s not rooted in becoming more famous. Maturity seems sparse among them, and if you’d asked five years ago if I considered any of the Jersey Shore folks to be “mature” I would have laughed in your face after screaming “GTL, beeatches!”
My, how times have changed. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoww” Farley became household names as they drunkenly face planted in the sand and fist pumped in the sluttiest of Shore Store apparel. Of course, over time, both girls fell in love and started families with the orangest of gorilla juiceheads. We got to see the progression on later seasons of Jersey Shore and on their tamer spin-off Snooki & JWoww. However, now the best friends are committed to raising their families off of MTV. Wait, what? Reality stars rejecting reality television? I can’t even.
Quick, what’s the next celebrity wedding on the calendar? Heck, what’s the next regular person wedding you can think of? Is it yours? Your best friend’s? Bottom line: Are you or is someone you know in need of a wedding officiant?
If so, may I suggest Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi to guide you and your betrothed through your vows? You know you’d love it. Fist pumping down the aisle? Check. Cheetah print bridesmaids dresses? Check. And when you leave the reception? Cabs ahh heeya! It will be Jersey Shore nuptials of the finest caliber and you didn’t even have to humiliate yourself on the show to get to this wonderful place in life.
Another first.. newlywedsNicole and Jionni LaValle hosted Christmas Eve in their new home. We’ve learned to expect the unexpected from Nicole over the years, and her holiday dinner table was no exception. Um, scratch off lottery tickets, anyone? Prepare yourself for the cuteness that is Lorenzo, Giovanna, and Meilani and check out Nicole and Jenni’s pictures below.
It’s no secret that I am a massive fan of the GTL. Sure, my gym is feeling inadequate when I only get 20% of my daily Fitbit steps while walking back and forth to the office copier with no other form of exercise. My tanning is of the spray variety, if at all…and that’s only for special occasions when orange is better than transparent. As for laundry, let’s not even go there. But I adore those kids of the Jersey Shore. I loved them when they were wasted fools making a mockery of everything Seaside Heights wanted to preserve, and I have enjoyed seeing them grow into actual normal(ish), successful adults.
That said, following Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’swalk down the aisle with Jionni LaValle (who recently lost his license thanks to a DUI) has been a lot of fun. Who doesn’t love to see a true friendship like Snooki and JWoww’s that was born of reality television. It’s a true rarity…like a unicorn, or a decent, handsome, rich guy who opens doors, pulls out chairs, and pays my student loans. That said, there were some guests missing from Snooki’s nuptials. I don’t really care about the whereabouts of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, but where, oh where was my precious Vinny Guadagnino? Sidebar: is it weird that I have to look up the spelling of “notoriety” (I just did again…always want to put an “a” in it) any time I want to use it, but “Guadagnino” is ingrained in my own personal spelling bee?
While it isn’t exactly what I thought Jionni LaValle would be doing two days after his wedding to Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, I’d say that a court appearance for a recent DUI puts him right up there with the behavior we’ve come to expect from reality stars. Sure, he married the fist-pumping, alligator loving, Britney-flashing, publicly intoxicated meatball from Jersey Shore, but Jionni always seemed to be the mature one…the voice of reason…the one who, you know, calmed the orange beast.
Obviously, there is nothing funny about drunk driving, but I have to say I am in shock that he was able to keep the arrest under wraps. That’s how we know he’s not a true reality star–his bad judgment wasn’t a catalyst for publicity! I doubt it’s even featured on the final season of Snooki & JWoww….
Snooki wore two dresses, a traditional gown for the ceremony and a Gatsby-inspired dress (seen above) for the reception. Snooki and Jionni’s wedding will be featured on Snooki & JWoww. See more photos from the wedding below.
About her upcoming wedding, she shared, “I always loved the ’20s era and the look of everything. Me and Jionni actually watched the movie together and it was actually Jionni’s idea to do a Great Gatsby theme wedding. We invited 300 people, but with everybody bringing a guest, it’s more like 400.” That’s a lot of people! And the wedding party includes 17 groomsmen, 15 bridesmaids, and 8 children, including Lorenzo and Giovanni.