Oh Florida – poor state victimized by Jersification at the hands of Real Housewives Of New Jersey. They spewed their drama all over your pure Boca beaches and left nothing but the reeking wreckage of poison, Dunkin’ Donuts cups, purloined Virginia Slims, and deflated twins.
Jim and Amber Marchese are holding the living room hostage and Bobby has finally emerged from the bathroom. What a good little trooper! Mommy wiped his tushy and he skulked downstairs to be polite. Bobby is afraid of a pissy Jimonster revealing his secrets – like that secret girlfriend he has stashed away! And Jim has seen photographic proof!
Bobby denies it, then stomps back upstairs to hide in the bathroom. But not before yelling “Figaaarooooo” from the top of the stairs. Bobby the expression is, “It’s not over til the fat lady sings.” Unfortunately your IQ under 12 misinterpreted that as, “It’s not over until the stumpy guido bellows off-key.” Lucky for Bobby he has ever-desperate ever-loving Nicole Napolitano to hold down the fort from HurricaneJim. She fails. Big time.
Amber took to her blog to walk us through her take on the drama that ensued in Florida. Basically nothing is Amber’s fault and nothing is Jim Marchese‘s fault. And Bobby Ciasulli is arrogant because he didn’t bow down and kiss Jim’s feet, Teresa Aprea is a nasty woman, and Dina Manzo is guilty of setting up a blood bath in Amber’s honor.
“This is a difficult blog for me to write, because it will be a lot of explaining Jim’s perspective as I was outside with Dina and trying to get Bobby to come out of the bathroom,” said Amber. “I can say, I wish that none of it happened and feel that it was a mistake to mix alcohol with friends that have so many unresolved issues. Jim does not think any of these people are my true friends and thought I was being set up plain and simple. And now seeing how Dina told the twins, his hunch was damn accurate.”
Jim and Amber Marchese, seemed like they were joining their friends to mend fences and have a relaxing time in the warm embrace of Florida. But, from the moment they walked in the door, the s**t hit the fan, with Jim seemingly stirring the pot, much to his wife’s dismay.
In their interview, none of the cast members mention Victoria Gotti specifically and they keep referring to Jim as the one to blame for the affair rumor. Teresa and Rino adamantly deny the affair accusation and snipe, “People do things for money. When you’re a has-been, you do anything to put your name in the spotlight and get on TV.” We’re not sure if Teresa means Victoria or Jim here.
“Have you ever heard of an empath? Well I am one of the many roaming the earth; I absorb feelings and emotions around me, and let me tell you, the range of emotions in this Boca house was off the charts,” explains Dina.
Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Of course Jim seems to court the publicity and love the controversy. Jim and his wife Amber Marchese, who are at the center of nearly every controversy this season, give their feedback on the show - and warns all us devoted and adoring viewers that not only does he make the show, but the Florida episode, which begins tonight, is out of control!
Jim shares [sarcastically] that the amazing amount of love he receives is the best part of being on TV. While Amber takes a more somber approach about the difficulties of being on RHONJ “I guess it didn’t sink in how much drama it would really be. How much fighting, and arguing,” she admits. “I guess you get girls together, and we’re around each other all the time, it’s gonna happen, but it didn’t sink in.”
“Man is made of such a seemly shape, that friend or foe is not discerned by face; then hard it is the wickeds’ wiles to scape, since that the bad to mask with honest grace.” – Geoffrey Whitney
Amber continued, “If Whitney could reach into my soul and pull out exactly what is there, he would have used these words. I don’t know who to trust – who is my friend, who is my enemy, what are everyone’s intentions? This is a truly awful feeling that, clearly, many have felt throughout history based on so many literary works on the subject. What is the driving force behind our actions? How do we come to our perceptions of situations? It all can be profoundly attributed to the interactions between genetics, social factors, and environment. We take from our experience good attributes as well as negative attributes such as, weakness, insecurity, jealous, hatred, and even a lack of empathy.”