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Last night's Teen Mom 2 brought tears, tears, and more tears.  Leah Messer finds that a reconciliation is not in the cards, while Jenelle Evans continues to screw up her life one failed drug test at a time.  Kailyn Lowry can't understand why Jo Rivera is playing her.  It's totally different than when she did it to him!  Finally, poor Chelsea Houska.  I think all that bleach has permanently affected her brain and her judgment.  Who am I kidding?  I am giving her hair dye far too much credit!

We begin the episode with Leah.  She's upset that estranged husband Corey Simms doesn't want to try to salvage their relationship.  She only cheated once, so what is the big deal?  Their twins are precious, but they are even cuter when they are biting their mom.  Leah receives an e-mail from her attorney about a settlement agreement.  Also not wanting to reconcile is Jo with his ex Kailyn.  Kailyn is sad that Jo has moved on with his own video vixen, but at least her bestie is home from college to keep her company.  She tells her friend about her love triangle with Jo and Jordan, as well as her non-existent relationship with her mom.  It's been five months since the pair has talked, so Kailyn calls her.  After being sent to her mother's voicemail, Kailyn has Isaac leave a giggling message of nonsense before she talks.  She doubts she'll get a call in return.

Chelsea is thinking about quitting her job at the tanning bed.  I don't think she's thought this through.  How is she going to maintain that natural orange glow throughout the winter months?  I am also confused as to what kind of headdress she is sporting.  Oh wait, that's her actual hair.  WTH?  Doesn't she want to go to beauty school?  Who would let her color their hair after seeing what she does to her own?  Chelsea and Adam Lind are hot and heavy again, despite Chelsea's best efforts to take things slow.  Bwahahahaha!  Adam arrives, and Chelsea begins the requisite baby talk we've all grown to loathe.  With her twentieth birthday being the following day, Chelsea requests her gift from Adam.  It's a promise ring.  He promises not to be as much of a d-bag as in season's past.  It's a start.  Baby Aubree bursts into tears at her mother's excitement.  Smart kid!

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I don’t even know what to say about the fact that train wrecks of Teen Mom 2 are back for another season.  Part of me roots for these girls like no tomorrow, but the other part of me wants them to get their shiz together off camera and step up to the plate.  Regardless, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, Chelsea Houska, and Leah Messer (now Calvert) are back for yet another round. 

Right off the bat, we’re reminded of the tension (for lack of a better word) between Jenelle and mom Barbara.  Jenelle has broken up with Kieffer Delp while completing a rehab stint for her marijuana addiction, and she’s been diagnosed as bi-polar.  She plans to stay on the straight and narrow.  I’ll keep my laughing to a minimum.  Jenelle shares that she and her mother are getting along well, and her attorney Dustin Sullivan calls to remind her that one passed drug test isn’t a victory.  She needs to remain on the straight and narrow.

Chelsea recaps her past with the always awesome and supportive Adam Lind.  While Chelsea appreciates that her mom is willing to help her with daughter Aubree’s childcare, she hates that her job at the tanning bed keeps her from spending so much time with her kid.  Chelsea reveals to her mom that Adam may move in over the weekend, although they aren’t quite back together…at all.  He’s just being nice.  Shocking, I know!

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Last night, we bid farewell to the girls of the second Teen Mom…with the help of Dr. Drew of course!

After putting Jenelle Evans and Kailyn Lowry in the hot seat last week, Drew has Chelsea Houska on the sofa. She reveals that her relationship with Adam is civil, but does include hooking up with him, Dr. Drew pronounces it not healthy. Wow. I think I could do his job. After recapping Chelsea’s season, I wish Dr. Drew would ream her for riding on Adam’s motorcycle without a helmet. Instead he applauds her for her accomplishments…which I guess she deserves. He mentions her former friend, Megan, who recently had her baby, and Chelsea is quick to say that she hates that her friend is missing out on her youth like she did.

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It’s the curtain call for the girls of Teen Mom 2, and we can only hope they have learned from their many struggles during the recent installment of the franchise. It’s doubtful, but we can hope! Last night the moms sat down with, the one-and-only, Dr. Drew Pinsky, to discuss the hardships they faced during their sophomore season.

Dr. Drew begins with a recap of the season. Sidebar, are Kailyn and Leah going to the same hairdresser? Their hairstyles are shades of off-white and stark white, respectively. After watching the footage, both are already teary. Kailyn claims she is upset watching her friend get upset. The show has brought the pair closer.

Chelsea reveals that Aubree loves doing her hair and make-up. It appears that maybe Chelsea was sitting a seat over from the blondes in the salon. She has also been visiting Year Round Brown, as she’s very tan. Jenelle expounds on what Chelsea has said about Aubree and Jace…apparently the toddlers are either fighting or making out when they are in the same room. The therapy session cuts to commercial, and of course the first advertisement (of many, I’m sure) introduces the newest teens on 16 and Pregnant. #Depressing.

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Last night was the 90 minute finale of Teen Mom 2. Doesn’t MTV realize that some of us have to go to bed at a decent hour? It’s not a feature length movie (yet), it’s a weekly television program. Sheesh.

The show begins as Jenelle heads out west and she moves to Beverly, Hills that is enters a rehab program. She’s met at the airport by a counselor (?) and shares her fears and anxieties with him as she texts on the way to her Malibu center. The staff searches her bags, and she is quick to admit there may be a “blunt wrapper” or two among her belongings. A quick urine test reveals that she has marijuana in her system. No biggie. She meets with her therapist who lectures her on any drug talk. Jenelle tells her that she wants to repair the relationship with her mother, and her only problem with weed is that she’s not allowed to smoke it. Fair enough. Dr. Drew? Are you watching?

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Last night’s Teen Mom 2 was thirty minutes longer than it needed to be. Why MTV, do you need to draw out this drama past its allotted hour? If the show had just been in its normal time slot, I wouldn’t have seen Leah file for divorce or Kailyn cheat on Jordan with Jo. Of course, I also wouldn’t have seen Chelsea work towards her GED (you go, girl!), or Jenelle check herself into rehab for her addiction issues. Oh MTV, you’re both a b*tch and a lover…

Jenelle is on probation, but she’ll be scott-free if she can stay clean for one year. She’s not allowed to fraternize with anyone who has pending drug charges, and that includes Kieffer. She’s back in Barbara’s house, and it’s back to status quo with the pair cussing and screaming at each other in front of poor Jace. This child deserves so much more than these MTV cameras are providing. Jenelle feels like her world is coming to an end because she can’t smoke and she can only communicate with Kieffer via phone. She talks to him about breaking up since they won’t be able to see each other in person for at least twelve months. He’s on board. That should tell the out-of-touch-with-reality Jenelle a lot.

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Oh the trials and tribulations of a Teen Mom. I really don’t know where to start. I felt like I was watching the Twilight Zone last night. Barbara didn’t yell, and dare I say she seemed like a sincere and concerned mother to Jenelle? Jo spoke and acted like a thirty-year-old who has always had his shiz together, and Kieffer got rid of that God awful army green hoodie. Chelsea even raised money and gave her time for a very valuable cause! It was the antithesis of Teen Mom. The only thing that let me know I was blogging on the right show was poor Corey’s camo hat. Camo hat always lets me know…

Jenelle returns home after a blow-up with her roommate, and Barbara allows her to move home knowing that she has a court date the following day for several pending charges. Barbara is calm when questioning her daughter about the recent fight, and she doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when she hears that things got physical. Barbara just hopes that she and Jenelle can find a way to get along.

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On last night’s Teen Mom, emotions, not rational thought, reigned supreme. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘what else is new?’

Corey is working to secure a better job as a coal miner. He and Leah go to look at a piece of land where they could put a nicer trailer — it’s closer to town and the schools will better for the girls. Leah begins to look online for a new mobile home. Is Leah wearing a wig? Leah is excited to be a coal miner’s wife, especially due to better insurance and a closer proximity to Ali’s doctor.

Kailyn and Jo fought previously about Isaac’s child support and she is patiently waiting for his first payment. After a quick check of the mail, she receives a petition from Jo about why he shouldn’t be asked to pay that much support. She fills in poor Isaac on the discontent between she and his father, reading the petition to the toddler and explaining her side of things. I fully realize that the one-year-old has no clue what she is talking about, but still, I don’t think she needs to get into the habit of bashing Jo to his son.

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