Our apologies, Italy. Please don’t judge us based on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey visiting your fair country! As the ladies storm into Milan, breaking glasses and acting like a$$es, Danielle Staub finally goes, well…Danielle Staub on everyone. Having no more stale cake to metaphorically drag around, Siggy Flicker decides it’s time to up the ante by calling out Margaret Josephs on her Hitler remarks. Dolores Catania tries to ride the very sharp fence of loyalty to Teresa Giudice and Siggy, while Melissa Gorga pretends to be an entrepreneur as she scours the fashion houses of Milan for feather boas and plunging necklines. Envy needs some sh*t on its shelves, after all.
After packing montages where everyone discusses what an epic disaster the trip is bound to be, we cut to the ladies landing in Italy in one piece. Marge is just glad no one has breathed a word about the Posche fashion show, but Melissa thinks it’s nuts that no one’s discussing the elephant – or in Kim DePaola’s case, the leathery lizard – in the room. In the van on the way to their hotel, Dolores asks what the agenda is? Ladies, it’s time to channel your inner Beyonce and get in Formation! The teams shall be: Siggy/Dolores, Margaret/Melissa, and Teresa/Danielle. It will be a six-women-enter-five-women-leave situation, a la Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. (Except set in a swag hotel rather than a dusty mosh pit.)
But first, Margaret needs to redecorate her house. Interior designer Joyce comes over to take a look at the 1960s projection screen and ballrooms-turned-dining-turned-living-rooms. Joe the contractor is apparently not keeping up with Marge’s needs – at least outside of the bedroom. Marge and her mumu want changes NOW! Yes, there will be velvet on the walls! There will be bedazzled curtain rings! And Joyce promises it will be finished before Margaret returns from Italy in two weeks. Also, Margaret wants Joe to know about Kim D and all of her wily ways, as if Joe the contractor gives a flying fig about this phantom menace.
She’s managed to behave herself for long enough – now it’s time for Teresa Giudice to start breaking sh*t in restaurants again! This week on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Tre goes bananas when she hears Kim DePaola is spreading rumors about her rumored side piece. But her real issue is with Dolores Catania, who she claims didn’t defend her against the three-headed snake that is Kim D. While Siggy Flicker and Melissa Gorga come to a better place after a “healing” exercise about cake -(yesss! please let this be the frigging cake’s final gasp!) – Danielle Staub silently plans her next move against Dolores. As for Margaret Josephs? Well, she just continues to be kind of awesome.
We begin at Siggy’shellish retreat, where she’s mimicking Margaret in a far inferior sketch than Marge just pulled off. No one is impressed. Furthermore, no one understands how this lame game is supposed to bring them closer together. Essentially, it’s like we’ve all died and gone to corporate retreat team building hell. But anyway, here we are. At least Siggy and Margaret get over the exercise fairly quickly, returning amicably to their spot on the wall of shame. But not so fast for Siggy! Get back in the ring, woman!
Even though The Real Housewives Of New Jersey is on a break this week, we can still live vicariously through their delusions and misadventures in real time! At a recent Long Island book signing for her latest memoir, Standing Strong, Teresa Giudice shared why her ghost writer’s writing has gotten a little more raw lately, how her family is doing, and what advice she has for other women out there who are going through “hard times.”
Teresa also has big plans for the future: a career as a novelist. Yup. It’s happening. The center cannot hold. Things fall apart. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world…(Is this the first sign of apocalypse? Or was that when Tamra Judge found Jesus?) In any case, Teresa has plans of not doing certain things in the future as well – like signing anything Joe Giudice asks her to – ever.
As Teresa packs for Puerto Rico, she tells Milania that they’ll email Joe Giudice in prison while they’re gone. Without Joe, Tre is glad she has her father to lean on. “He is my rock right now,” she admits. Meanwhile, Dolores is joining Siggy at the doctor’s office to discuss hormone treatments. In her butt. Siggy doesn’t want to be known as “Soggy” anymore, and is hoping getting her hormones balanced out will help shed her new, obnoxious image. Well, that and not sticking your tongue out at other middle-aged women, maybe? But hey – it’s a start.
As the sole remaining original cast member on Real Housewives of New Jersey, it’s only natural that the Teresa Giudice we “met” during the first season is a lot different than the lady we are currently watching during Season 8. Aside from that iconic table flip, Teresa has been known for keeping her personal feelings private, slapping on a happy face, and acting like everything is all right even when it very clearly isn’t.
I’m all for this new Teresa. She’s zen when she needs to be, she throws objects to entertain us, and she is finally open about her resentment toward her husband Joe Giudice after her prison stint.
Dolores called her a “scumbag” over and over again in an instantly iconic scene. Nevertheless, both the women are standing their ground to this day, so who is telling the truth? Dolores addressed this drama and the rest of RHONJSeason 8 during her appearance on Watch What Happens Live.
I’m over it. You’re over it. My neighbor, who doesn’t even watch The Real Housewives Of New Jersey, is over it. But Siggy Flicker is NOT OVER IT, people! Yes, we’re talking about Boca. And this week, Siggy decides to take her juvenile antics to a lower level of pre-K when she literally sticks her tongue out at Margaret Josephs to drive the point home. The point being…nanny nanny boo boo? Not to be outdone by the Most Talented Person On The Planet, Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice decide to scrap as well. Whether their drama is real or fake is still up for debate, but there’s no doubt that mutual resentment is buried deep in the basement of each woman’s respective McMansion.
At Margaret’s house, she’s returning from Vegas just in time to “wash the puss and the pits.” Marge Sr. is happy to hear Marge Jr.’s success in getting her shoe line licensed. She also got to steal some hotel slippers, so the trip was a big win. Margaret didn’t have time to by her husband, Joe, anything in Vegas though, so he’s grumpy. She thinks he’s a stage 5 clinger and needs him to back-that-sh*t-up when she walks in the door. She also needs Siggy to take several seats, especially after she hears about her continued cake drama at the purse party. “This is like high school,” says Marge. “I love it.”